Back from the Abyss: Psychiatry in Stories (Craig Heacock MD)
Explore every episode of Back from the Abyss: Psychiatry in Stories
| Pub. Date | Title | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 24 Feb 2022 | The nature of gender-- A story of transitioning | 01:12:36 | |
Autumn was assigned male at birth, but she sensed from a very young age that something was not right. This is her journey through denial, awakening, and then transitioning both hormonally and surgically. Autumn brings a fascinating and thoughtful perspective to this whole arena of gender and identity, and she and Dr. H explore the various ways we might think and talk about gender. | |||
| 10 Mar 2022 | From Seoul to Wichita-- Attachment trauma and adoption | 01:02:02 | |
This is the story of Shae, who was adopted as a baby from South Korea and raised in Wichita Kansas in a family of Swedish descent. From her initial attachment wounds, subsequent heartbreak, and later a shocking revelation in late adolescence, Shae's inner light and resilience guided her to where she is today— a mother, a business owner, an adoptee voice of strength and compassion. | |||
| 24 Mar 2022 | Attachment and Adoption Part 2– Ridghaus and the Six Word Adoption Memoir | 00:55:59 | |
This is the second in our two part series on adoption and attachment wounds. Ridg and his girlfriend Rebecca got pregnant when he was 19, and they made the difficult decision to give their son up for adoption. Fast forward 16 years, and Ridg is 35, married to another woman, with their own biological children…and he’s about to have his world torn apart by a stunning revelation. Ridghaus on IG-- @ridghaus | |||
| 07 Apr 2022 | Working with families and psychiatric illness | 01:02:20 | |
Dr. H sits down with Dr. Usha Udupa, a Colorado-based child and adolescent psychiatrist, to explore the complexities of working with patients in the context of the family. They discuss topics such as: | |||
| 21 Apr 2022 | MDMA, MAPS, and Cover Story's Power Trip-- Another perspective | 01:01:45 | |
The podcast Cover Story just released a series called Power Trip, an expose of the dark side of the psychedelic treatment world. The series highlights the stories of a few women, including the co-host, who were sexually assaulted in psychedelic treatment spaces….mostly in the underground, but also one woman who was abused by her therapist both during and after her participation in the MAPS PTSD study. Later in the series, Cover Story shifted to a double barrel assault on MAPS as an organization and its Phase 3 PTSD study. Cover Story questioned the integrity and competence of the people working in the study and tried to paint the study as some kind of amoral juggernaut which, in its desperate desire to bring MDMA to full medicalization, is willing and able to squash any vulnerable participants or opposition in its way. Dr. H couldn’t disagree more, and felt the imperative to share a different view. He was a study physician and therapist in the Phase 3 MDMA trial, and his experience with participants, with colleagues both at his study site and other sites, and with numerous MAPS staff at all levels of the organization was unrecognizable in Cover Story’s sensationalized account. In this episode, Dr. H sit down with Hope, a former participant in MAPS' PTSD study. First Hope shares her moving story, then she and Dr. H discuss the critiques from Power Trip. Hope's story is neither a home run cure nor a story of wanton abuse, but rather one of two steps forward, one step back....which is how the healing journey most commonly unfolds. | |||
| 05 May 2022 | Psychotherapy Twice Told | 01:06:56 | |
One of Craig's heroes is Dr. Irvin Yalom, a psychiatrist and writer— Yalom's books inspired him in the early years of learning to become a psychiatrist. Today’s story concept was sparked by Yalom's book “Every day gets a little closer—A twice told therapy.” To create this book, Yalom asked one of his long-term patients to keep a weekly diary of their therapy sessions, and he did the same. He wove their two very different but fascinating perspectives together to write the book. Craig just loved this idea and thought it would be really cool to do the BFTA version of this. In this story, Dr. Erin Jacklin, a psychologist in Denver, and her 15 year client Sherlock tell their shared story…..with Erin first meeting Sherlock at the very beginning of her doctoral training, and Sherlock coming to Erin at a pivotal point in his life. To create this episode, Craig asked Erin and Sherlock to not discuss their treatment history or what they might say during the recording, then he recorded Erin and Sherlock separately, asking them each the same questions, and then the magic unfolded. | |||
| 19 May 2022 | Psychedelic Somatic Therapy with Saj Razvi | 01:23:58 | |
Saj Razvi returns to BFTA to share and discuss a mind-blowing audio recording of a ketamine-facilitated somatic therapy session. This session was from a recent training workshop with experienced trauma therapists, and Saj uses a somatic exercise-- staring into the client/participant's eyes- as a way to elicit a rapid and powerful transference reaction, with the psycholytic catalysts of ketamine and oxytocin already on board. We hear Saj handle the mounting fear and dread of the emerging traumatic transference, then work through this with the therapist in training to find nervous system resolution and safety on the other side. In the latter part of the episode Saj and Craig explore the challenges of recognizing and working with transference. | |||
| 02 Jun 2022 | Fishbowl 3 | 01:02:06 | |
Chris and Craig celebrate season 3, discuss the results of the listeners poll (with a surprising reveal of their unconscious motivation for producing BFTA), offer their curated episode sampler plates, and then settle into a detailed deconstruction of the Psychedelic Somatic Therapy episode. | |||
| 23 Jul 2022 | BFTA Summer Special-- Trauma, Spirit, and Psychedelics with Laura Mae Northrup | 01:24:35 | |
Craig sits down with Inside Eyes creator Laura Northrup for a wide-ranging discussion where they explore topics including: Instagram: @lauramaenorthrup Twitter: @inside__eyes Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LauraMaeNorthrup
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| 08 Sep 2022 | Finding a way back to each other: Addiction, a mother, and her daughter | 01:14:21 | |
In this season 4 opener, we hear the unforgettable story of a mother and daughter torn apart by addiction, then slowly finding the path of compassion, acceptance, and grace. | |||
| 22 Sep 2022 | Understanding ADD/ADHD with Dr. Jeremy Sharp | 01:00:08 | |
Dr. H sits down with Dr. Jeremy Sharp, Director of the Colorado Center for Assessment and Counseling and host of The Testing Psychologist podcast, for an exploration of the psychological and psychiatric aspects of ADD/ADHD. | |||
| 06 Oct 2022 | Psychedelics, Psychosis, and Risk Reduction | 00:31:29 | |
This is a talk that Dr. H gave in Denver at the Nowak Society in Aug. 2022. | |||
| 20 Oct 2022 | Autism Spectrum Disorder-- A journey from alienation to attachment | 00:55:54 | |
Anne grew up always feeling on the outside-- outside her family, her peers, her species. She knew something was "wrong", but a diagnosis would not arrive until she was well into adulthood. Meanwhile she became an expert in studying the ways of people, of "operating in manual", consciously and methodically using the lessons she had learned to know what to do in social situations and how to pass as "normal". Unlike so many others with ASD, Anne was able to marry and have two children and even develop a secure loving attachment to her children-- something she herself never got to experience as a child growing up amidst severe neglect. Yet her years of careful observation and mimicry didn't fully insulate her from the emotional pain and alienation of ASD, which she shares in her story today. | |||
| 03 Nov 2022 | From Beauty Queen to Psychedelic Guide | 01:12:31 | |
Raised in an abusive misogynistic home amidst deep shame and the purity culture of her parents' faith, Micah's journey carried her though Southern pageant culture, anorexia, estrangement, birth trauma, and, eventually, connection and acceptance and grace. | |||
| 17 Nov 2022 | Abortion in Three Acts | 01:10:47 | |
Three women. Three stories. | |||
| 01 Dec 2022 | The way out of psychosis-- Psychopharmacology as magic | 01:04:47 | |
Psychiatric meds so often get demonized in the media, including the podcast world, and while psych meds are far from perfect and often cause problematic side effects, they also literally save people’s lives every single day. Steve grew up as the youngest of four, a happy boy in a happy family, a “golden” childhood as he describes it….until everything fell apart. Within a period of just a few years, he lost his father and both his beloved older brothers, all while still a young teenager, leaving him with his Mom and an older sister. His family had been cut in half, yet his most frightening and overwhelming challenges were still to come. | |||
| 15 Dec 2022 | Psilocybin comes to Colorado | 01:11:00 | |
Last month marked a fairly momentous occasion in Colorado, the statewide passage of Proposition 122, the Natural Medicines Health Act. Coloradoans voted, by a tally of 53 to 47%, to approve both the decriminalization of psilocybin, DMT, ibogaine, and mescaline, along with the medicalization of psilocybin, with the possibility of a medicalization pathway for the others in 2026. This is a landmark, tipping point kind of social change, and one that triggers a huge number of hopes, concerns, and questions. Here Craig sits down with Shannon Hughes, a CSU Professor of Social Work who specializes in issues of drugs, meds and society; she is also a co-founder of the Nowak Society, Colorado’s preeminent force for psychedelic education and community. Together Craig and Shannon explore the wide-ranging implications of decriminalization and medicalization of psilocybin and other psychedelics. | |||
| 29 Dec 2022 | Why psychiatric illness strikes young (and what to do about it) | 00:16:34 | |
Most medical illnesses appear later in life, as organ systems fail and the decades of wear and tear eventually erode the body's innate homeostatic mechanisms. Psychiatric illness, however, is profoundly different. Here Dr. H explores six central reasons why serious psychiatric illness tends to appear in mid to late adolescence. | |||
| 12 Jan 2023 | DBT, Self-Harm, and Suicidality with Dr. Kelly Sonnenfeld | 01:08:16 | |
Here Dr. H sits down with Dr. Kelly Sonnenfeld, a psychologist and DBT expert, in this first of a two part look at dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT. This episode is a primer on DBT-- what DBT is, how it works, and how it fits into the landscape of therapy options. Part Two explores Daniel’s story of how DBT helped him recover from a terrible period of psychiatric suffering. DBT is best known for successfully treating self-harm and suicidality, particularly in the context of complex PTSD and borderline personality disorders, primarily through building skills to cope with emotional dysregulation. | |||
| 26 Jan 2023 | Thinking Through Emotions— DBT Part 2 | 01:01:38 | |
After years of crippling anxiety, substance abuse, mood instability, and loss, Daniel had finally found the path to impending fame and success beyond his dreams. Then everything fell apart, and he was forced to face the fact that he lacked the skills to face life on life's terms. Enter DBT, and Daniel began to piece his life back together with increasing confidence and competence. | |||
| 09 Feb 2023 | The lives I didn’t get to live- Shame, psychedelics, and owning one’s story | 00:43:48 | |
Thirty years ago, a 10 year old boy was found stabbed to death in a park…the same park where 18 year old Stephanie and three young men were seen riding bikes the night before. Stephanie and the others were repeatedly questioned, they became the prime suspects…..yet they, nor anyone, was ever charged for the murder. It remains unsolved to this day. This is the story how how one event can alter the course of your life, how so many possibilities for the future can disappear overnight….this is a story of how after years of unhelpful psychotherapy and medications, Stephanie was finally able to uncover what lay beneath-- with the help of an unusually perceptive therapist, as well as ketamine and MDMA- assisted psychotherapy. | |||
| 23 Feb 2023 | Trauma in the Transference—Repairing the therapeutic relationship | 01:12:17 | |
The magic of psychotherapy is that it brings forth transference— the patient’s most important and formative relationships, typically with early caregivers, are unconsciously re-enacted in the therapy room. And this transference necessarily creates countertransference, the therapist’s unconscious reactions to the transference. Alexandria came to Dr. H originally due to her severe harm OCD. But over time, it became clear to him, and eventually to her, that she was increasingly, and unconsciously, trying to put him in the role of the abandoner, the critic, the emotional abuser. This process is called projective identification, and as you will hear, it played out very dramatically between them, and was a major factor in her plans to die.
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| 09 Mar 2023 | What's the deal with Psychiatry? What's hopeful, what's gone amiss with Dr. Will Van Derveer | 01:24:11 | |
Dr. H sits down with Dr. Will Van Derveer of the Integrative Psychiatry Institute and Higher Practice podcast in a wide-ranging exploration of what's good (and not so good) in current psychiatric practice. | |||
| 23 Mar 2023 | Psychedelic Assisted Therapy: Ketamine vs MDMA vs Psilocybin | 01:22:21 | |
Dr. H explores how to think about psychedelic assisted therapy with ketamine, MDMA, and psilocybin in terms of patient selection, ideal indications, psychiatric diagnosis, trauma history, medical comorbidities, medication interactions, cautions, and contraindications. | |||
| 06 Apr 2023 | A bridge between the Western and Indigenous ways— The curandera, plant medicine, and spirit | 01:20:23 | |
Craig sits down with Ana, a Mexican medicine woman, or curandera. Ana shares a unique perspective and an earned wisdom that is particularly relevant today as we enter a veritable renaissance of plant medicines and psychedelics, while also trying to avoid the rampant mistakes and misuses of the past. Ana works with various medicines, including one that was mentioned in the “The Dark Side of Psychedelics” episode— that would be Bufo, also known as 5-MeO, or 5-methoxy-DMT. In contrast with that episode, Ana describes much more mindful and careful use of this powerful compound. | |||
| 20 Apr 2023 | The 10 Best Psychiatric Medications | 00:41:57 | |
Can you treat >95% of all patients with mood, anxiety, and psychotic disorders with just ten meds? Dr. H says YES. | |||
| 04 May 2023 | Brothers across the divide: Treatment-resistant depression, faith, and compassion | 00:51:50 | |
In this final story of season 4, Craig speaks with Wayne, a longtime patient of his who has battled treatment resistant depression and crippling anxiety for many years. Wayne's story highlights a few crucial things— the fact that sometimes you can do everything right, do all the self-care things, yet still be waylaid by the crushing dark force of depression…this story also illustrates the power of the therapeutic relationship, and the fact that two people can deeply respect and care for each other, even when they land on opposite ends of the religious and political divide. | |||
| 17 May 2023 | Chris and Craig in Fishbowl #4 | 00:57:16 | |
BFTA's co-conspirators explore what they learned this season, their favorite episodes, ideas/plans for season 5, whether BFTA has become too psychedelic-heavy, and what they most value in each other. | |||
| 18 Jun 2019 | Strawberries-- A story of bipolar disorder | 01:14:21 | |
In this very first episode of BFTA we explore one of the most frightening parts of the abyss, coming face to face with the desperate need to die. Elizabeth woke up five days after her near fatal suicide attempt and found herself with another chance-- this is her story of finding a new way to live and be in this world. | |||
| 26 Jun 2023 | BFTA Summer Special at Psychedelic Science 2023 with Dr. Hillary McBride | 00:56:10 | |
Craig sits down with Dr. Hillary McBride, a psychologist, researcher, author, and podcast host (Other People's Problems) to explore all things psychedelic. | |||
| 24 Jul 2019 | Ketamine treatment for depression: Seven questions | 00:16:00 | |
This mini-episode explores some of the most frequently asked questions about ketamine: | |||
| 25 Jun 2019 | Why it's so hard to find (or be) a good therapist | 00:08:12 | |
A wise psychotherapy supervisor once said: "There are only two things a therapist can do...hold...or poke...lots of therapists are good at holding...not so many are confident enough to poke...the good therapist has mastered the art of both." | |||
| 24 Jun 2019 | One foot in the darkness— A path through treatment resistant depression and eating disorder | 00:55:21 | |
Ellie grew up in small town Montana and found a highly effective way to cope with the terrible pain of adolescence, family chaos, and depression. Unfortunately, her eating disorder took on a life of its own and almost destroyed her. This is her hero's journey, not of "recovery" per se, but rather of courage, grit, and fierce intention to construct a new self, and ultimately, find a path into the light. | |||
| 27 Aug 2023 | Healing the Wounds of Sexual and Spiritual Abuse | 01:17:50 | |
In this season 5 opener, Craig sits down with Shelly Winemiller, a Colorado-based trauma therapist, to witness her powerful story of reclaiming her body and spirit from the nightmare of clergy sexual abuse. | |||
| 09 Sep 2023 | When THC turns on you-- Cannabis, THC concentrates, and psychiatric breakdown | 00:47:36 | |
Dr. H's patient Lindsey shares her story of self-medicating her anxiety and depression with cannabis, then steadily building tolerance and moving on to THC concentrates. This led to full-blown dependence and a spiral downward into daily bouts of terrible nausea, near constant panic, and emerging hopelessness. | |||
| 22 Sep 2023 | Psychedelic Psychiatry-- The Swiss Model | 01:04:37 | |
Dr. H sits down with Dr. Julia King Olivier, a Swiss psychiatrist and co-founder of the Compassionate Care Center in Geneva, Switzerland, to explore the fascinating landscape of psychedelic-assisted therapy there. Julia is one of a small group of physicians in Switzerland who has permission to work with LSD, psilocybin, MDMA, and ketamine, and she shares her clinical experience and wisdom in this emerging realm. | |||
| 06 Oct 2023 | What will happen when we're gone? Caring for adult children with serious mental illness | 00:38:14 | |
One of the tragic truths of psychiatry is that the sickest patients more often than not either don’t realize they are ill, or are convinced that treatment will do nothing. No group of patients better exemplifies this than those with schizophrenia and other psychotic illnesses. A common presentation in Dr. H's office is an older adolescent or young adult, often male, who is descending into psychosis and also completely unaware of the illness or need for treatment. Meanwhile, the parents are telling of frightening threats, explosive outbursts, bizarre behaviors, profound social isolation, and/or paranoid beliefs. This episode today is the first of two parts— in part 1, Karen, the mother of Sam, describes the progression of his illness and how she has grieved and coped and parented him. In part 2 in two weeks, we’ll hear from Laurie and Dave, who also have a son with severe mental illness. The two stories are both the same and also different in some key ways. One thing they both share is that their sons, after some very scary times, both finally agreed to engage with treatment. BFTA on Instagram. @backfromtheabysspodcast | |||
| 09 Jul 2019 | A power wash of the brain-- Ketamine, depression, and suicidality | 00:50:37 | |
Chris successfully hid his increasingly severe depression throughout middle and high school, but by his first year of college he could no longer ignore the horrifying signs that his brain was losing touch with reality. Inanimate objects began to radiate into his thoughts, and suicide seemed the only way to escape. Fortunately Chris took the scariest leap of all and began to open up to a therapist about what was happening in his mind, leading to an exploration of shame, a reformulation of the self, and finally the unexpectedly powerful healing of ketamine. | |||
| 20 Oct 2023 | Holding on to hope-- Caring for adult children with serious mental illness, Part 2 | 00:54:12 | |
Dave and Laurie sit down with Dr. H to share their journey through the denial, fear, grief, and eventual acceptance of their son’s life-altering psychiatric illness. BFTA on Instagram. @backfromtheabysspodcast | |||
| 03 Nov 2023 | Love and Therapy-- A Conversation with Dr. Adele LaFrance | 00:49:35 | |
Is there a role for love in therapy, whether in the traditional psychotherapeutic context and/or in the psychedelic space? And if we were to more consciously invite love into therapy, how could we do this in a safe and boundaried way? | |||
| 17 Nov 2023 | Ketamine-- Lessons from 3000 Sessions | 00:20:43 | |
Some of the most basic questions about ketamine are still under investigation— Which patients are ideal responders? What is the therapeutic dose range? Is there a meaningful dose/response curve? Are fully dissociative treatments necessary for optimal efficacy? How important is psychotherapy after a higher dose IV or IM session? And how should we think about frequency of initial treatments and then ongoing maintenance treatments, if needed? | |||
| 01 Dec 2023 | What does it take to fill the void? Developmental trauma and dissociation with Saj Razvi | 00:32:32 | |
Saj Razvi returns to BFTA to discuss a listener letter, which leads to an exploration of treatment resistance, developmental trauma, the absence of experience ("the void") vs dissociation as experience. Saj and Craig also explore attachment vs love, whether trauma healing has to be difficult, and the common elements of successful trauma treatment. | |||
| 15 Dec 2023 | Unhoused and Unwell-- The Nexus of Homelessness, Mental Illness, and Addiction | 01:02:18 | |
In the streets and sidewalks of every American city, a slow motion disaster is unfolding, with ever increasing numbers of people suffering from serious mental illness and/or addiction. | |||
| 29 Dec 2023 | Moving from the head to the heart-- The gifts and challenges of group therapy | 00:59:45 | |
Craig sits down with Carrie Haynes, a colleague and Colorado-based group therapist and host of the podcast The Art of Groups. They explore their shared love of group process, the unique benefits and risks of working with groups, specific challenges for the group therapist or leader, and finally how and why Carrie is moving away from traditional group therapy to a more heart-focused transpersonal group model. | |||
| 12 Jan 2024 | Bipolar Mania-- Superpower or Kryptonite? | 01:12:53 | |
What does it feel like to be manic? It can be very difficult for people to accurately recall manic episodes— they aren’t stored like typical narrative memories, but rather they often feel like confusing and out of control reveries that seem to have happened to a different version of themselves. Then comes the guilt and the shame that often follows manic episodes, as a result of the loss of normal social inhibition, the lack of fear, and the surging dopamine levels… leading people to take risks and do things they would never normally do, typically within the big three “Ss”- Spending, speeding, and sex. | |||
| 26 Jan 2024 | At the Crossroads of Psychiatry, Psychedelics and Spirituality--- Dr. H on the Radically Genuine Podcast | 01:23:18 | |
This is an interview Dr. H did a few months ago on the Radically Genuine podcast. Although we posted about this interview on our Instagram feed back in August, we thought this was worth re-releasing on the main BFTA feed. Of all the podcast interviews Dr. H has done, this one might be the most interesting and relevant for our listeners. Here Dr. H discusses the deep structural problems with current psychiatry, the confusion around psychiatric diagnoses and nosology, controversies and mistaken beliefs about psychiatric meds, problems with informed consent and involuntary treatment, why med management is doomed to fail, psychedelics as a portal into psychospiritual and trauma healing, pearls about ketamine treatment, and other topics. | |||
| 09 Feb 2024 | Psychiatry in the ER | 01:00:48 | |
The rising tide of psychiatric emergencies in the US most commonly ends up in the emergency room, where psychiatrists are almost never found and the brunt of the heavy lifting falls on emergency medicine physicians. Here Dr. H sits down with Dr. Treve Henwood, an emergency med physician and host of the Rural EM podcast to explore the often overwhelming challenges inherent in trying to effectively manage and treat these psychiatric crises. | |||
| 23 Feb 2024 | Sex, Drugs, and Neglect-- Self-Destruction and the Repetition Compulsion | 00:58:47 | |
The driving force of so many of our self-destructive tendencies is not conscious, it’s an unconscious drive called the repetition compulsion, where we try to reenact early child traumas or deficits, often consciously hoping for a different result but unconsciously walking directly and knowingly into the flames. One of the central tasks of therapy is often helping people identify their repetition compulsions and doing the deeply uncomfortable work of making different choices. For the repetition compulsion feels right, at the deepest levels of being, because it was wired into us during early childhood. Self-destructive decisions smell like home cooking, they are the blue light that draws in the unsuspecting moths over and over and over, even when they see what’s about to happen. Here Dr. H's patient Katey describes how early emotional neglect and toxic parental modeling led her down a path of almost two decades of self-destruction, with an ongoing battle between her healthier and more resilient parts and her wounded repetition-seeking masochistic parts. Who would choose superficially “sweet” boys with good drugs and little emotional connection….why Katey would, and did, and this is her story of why she did that for so long and how she eventually broke free. | |||
| 08 Mar 2024 | Eating Disorders, Body Image, and Building an Alliance-- A Conversation with Dr. Jennifer Gaudiani | 01:26:15 | |
Dr. H sits down with Dr. Jennifer Gaudiani, a nationally recognized expert on eating disorders to explore a wide range of topics including: | |||
| 22 Mar 2024 | What I'm thinking about now-- MDMA, Sleep Meds, Motivation, Bipolar vs Borderline, and more | 00:29:00 | |
In this solo episode Craig shares his current thoughts on MDMA medicalization, sleep meds, ADD, motivation vs self-discipline, benzos, how long to stay on psych meds, a change and a proposed addition to his top 10 med list, borderline vs bipolar, and marriage. | |||
| 05 Apr 2024 | Psychoanalysis, Dissociation, MDMA and What Lies Beneath | 00:56:14 | |
Here Dr. H sites down with Jenny, a psychoanalyst who shares her moving, then horrifying, then eventually cathartic tale of plumbing the depths of her traumatized psyche, first with years of psychoanalysis, then with five MDMA-assisted therapy sessions. This is a story of numbing and forgetting, then re-opening and remembering...of finding a way to make sense of a life of protective dissociation. | |||
| 19 Apr 2024 | My dog saved my life-- Understanding the story of depression | 00:56:30 | |
A huge problem with current psychiatric diagnosis is that it often lumps completely unrelated things under the same vast and vague tent, such as with the diagnosis of "Major Depressive Disorder". Here Craig sits down with his patient Rebecca to try to make sense of her complex early onset depression and how it played out via addiction, anorexia, and pathological caretaking and how she was finally able find the grace and compassion to prioritize care for herself. | |||
| 07 Aug 2019 | Desperately NOT seeking meth: A harm reduction story | 00:21:45 | |
Sobriety can sometimes be a bridge too far. In a last ditch attempt to escape his methamphetamine-drenched life, Larry moved 1000 miles away to live with his father, he threw away his cell phone, gave up all drugs and alcohol, started running, got a good job...and found himself increasingly overwhelmed by the need to put a needle in his arm. | |||
| 03 May 2024 | A Psychiatrist Goes to War | 00:49:06 | |
Dr. Russell Carr was a career Navy psychiatrist for 20 years and served in Iraq, where today’s story begins. This is a story of a healer, then a terrible wounding, then the healer trying to find his way amidst the chaos of war. This story is about a rite of passage, one that not every psychiatrist faces, but most do at some point-- that of losing the first patient to suicide, then trying to find the strength to move forward. | |||
| 16 May 2024 | When Mom is mentally ill-- A story of resilience | 00:54:02 | |
Christina grew up with a tumultuous and mentally ill mother, an older brother who decompensated into psychosis and frightening aggression, and just one healthy family member, her father. Dr. H and Christina explore both the wounding of having a desperately ill parent, as well as the profound gift of having another parent able to provide love and support. Christina suffered terribly from these maternal wounds, but she was also able to finally emerge as a healthy, grateful, wise, and deeply caring adult….initially drawn to nursing, she eventually transitioned into working as a psychiatric nurse practitioner. This story is in two parts— first Christina shares her moving story, then she and Dr. H go meta and explore the behind the scenes preparation for this episode. Two of the themes that emerge in this latter part are storytelling as integration, and vulnerability as part of healing. Christina beautifully describes how the process of pulling her story together and unearthing these often brutal memories allowed her to find a deeper sense of peace, acceptance, and self-affirmation. | |||
| 31 May 2024 | Fishbowl 5 | 01:00:39 | |
Chris and Craig go meta to deconstruct season 5, explore the art of storytelling and music selection, and answer listener questions. | |||
| 21 Aug 2019 | Can marijuana be medicine? A psychiatric perspective | 00:08:57 | |
Is marijuana a medicine or a coping strategy? Is it safer than alcohol, or in some people, much more risky? Does it help anxiety or does it trigger panic symptoms? This mini-episode explores the complex landscape of "medical" marijuana and what this looks like in Colorado. | |||
| 05 Jul 2024 | BFTA Summer Special-- How to Change Your Mind About Mushrooms with Dori Lewis | 00:59:17 | |
Craig sits down with Dori Lewis of Elemental Psychedelics to explore the myths and realities of working with psilocybin mushrooms, including: | |||
| 27 Sep 2024 | How do you learn to do psychotherapy? An exploration with Dr. Erin Jacklin | 01:17:05 | |
In this season 6 opener Dr. H sits down with Dr. Erin Jacklin of the Catalyst Center in Denver to explore how we learn to the deeply complex and consistently challenging work of doing good therapy. | |||
| 11 Oct 2024 | Why med management is mostly doomed to fail-- The top 10 (12!) reasons with Dr. Will Van Derveer | 00:57:54 | |
The prevailing model of psychiatric care in the US is called "med management"-- this typically means a 10-15min appointment to review symptoms and choose medications. Here Dr. Will Van Derveer of the Integrative Psychiatric Institute sits down with Dr. H to deconstruct this deeply flawed model and posit a more holistic and hopeful way of thinking about psychiatric care. | |||
| 25 Oct 2024 | I had to rebuild who I was-- Finding trust and a pathway out of psychosis | 00:57:39 | |
Very few people are willing and/or able to share and describe their descent into psychosis— in part because memory formation and consolidation are so impaired during episodes of psychosis…..and also because there is often so much fear and shame tied up in the experience of losing one’s mind. | |||
| 08 Nov 2024 | Reconstructing the narrative-- Trauma, dissociation, psychedelics, and working in the negative transference | 01:20:00 | |
Kate lived for many years in a hazy and numbing dialectic, thinking that her life was “perfect”, but also having a vague and gnawing sense that just under the surface something was terribly wrong. This is a story of forgetting and remembering, a story of finding a therapist who was willing and able to sit through years of hateful negative transference and let Kate work through her parent-child wounds. And finally this is a story of MDMA and psilocybin helping someone move forward through the minefield of trauma. | |||
| 22 Nov 2024 | What I'm thinking about now: Working in the Here and Now; Polypharmacy; Diagnostic Parsimony; Ketamine Microdosing; Psych NP Training | 00:23:56 | |
In this solo episode Dr. H shares his current thoughts on working in the here and now; polypharmacy; the root causes of suicidality; diagnostic parsimony ; ketamine microdosing; and online psych NP training programs. | |||
| 06 Dec 2024 | Therapists in the abyss: A journey back to self | 01:12:52 | |
You don't end up working in psychiatry/mental health by accident-- therapists and psychiatrists almost always come from their own place of emotional pain. Here Dr. H sits down with his colleague Kristen, a well-respected Colorado psychotherapist who always appeared to have it all together, while battling her own inner demons of feeling like a fraud-- broken, unworthy, irredeemable. This is Kristen's story of finding a way through her double life, of coming to peace with what she survived, how she coped, and how this helps her to help others. | |||
| 04 Sep 2019 | When the past haunts the present: An EMDR story | 00:36:44 | |
Sometimes trauma settles deeply in the mind and body and wreaks a kind of clandestine subterranean warfare, turning the body against itself and manifesting strange, frightening, disabling, and even life-threatening symptoms. Sophie's trauma simmered for 16 years, making her life difficult but still mostly manageable. Suddenly, however, she was waylaid as her trauma metastasized into something infinitely more dangerous. A long torturous course through emergency rooms and various specialists eventually ended up on a therapist's couch, holding an oscillating paddle in each hand, walking directly into the mindscape of her mother's death. | |||
| 20 Dec 2024 | Recognizing and Treating OCD | 00:21:48 | |
In this solo episode, Craig synthesizes the most salient aspects of identifying and treating OCD, with some cool musical interludes to boot-- in just over 20 minutes! | |||
| 03 Jan 2025 | In the room with Hillary McBride and Saj Razvi--- A moment to moment exploration of psychedelic somatic trauma therapy | 01:05:00 | |
Saj Razvi and Hillary McBride return to BFTA, this time together, for one of the most compelling and fascinating episodes we have featured on the podcast-- an in depth, in the room exploration of the moment to moment unfolding of a psychedelic-assisted trauma session. During her training to work with Saj’’s psychedelic somatic model, called PSIP, Hillary did a profound session with Saj that led to some very unexpected gifts for Hillary. Interestingly, the psychedelic used for this session was THC— Saj has spoken extensively in past BFTA episodes why he considers vaped THC a particularly potent catalyst for somatic trauma work, to rapidly cut through dissociation and heighten autonomic reactions. First we’ll hear Saj give some background context and an introduction to the theory of his work, then we’ll hear Hillary enter into a very emotional and often physically grueling session, with both Saj and Hillary weighing in occasionally with commentary about the process, then finally we hear them both summarize what happened, how they understand the meaning and the story. A heads up, Hillary’s session gets very intense at times, if you don’t feel ready to hear someone walk the fires of their nearly annihilating trauma, maybe save this episode for another time. "I Love You, I Hate You, Are You My Mom?" A intensive experiential workshop exploring transference with Dr. H and Dr. Hillary McBride, May 28-30 in Victoria BC | |||
| 17 Jan 2025 | Psychedelics, psychiatric meds, and the question of tapering | 00:18:06 | |
One of the more interesting and difficult challenges of integrating psychedelics into psychiatry is how to deal with the fact that so many of the folks who will seek out care for their treatment-resistant depression or OCD or body dysmorphia or PTSD or attachment trauma are on psychiatric meds, many of which can have very significant and even dangerous interactions with certain psychedelics. | |||
| 31 Jan 2025 | Can MDMA save a marriage? One couple's story | 00:53:04 | |
Today’s story is the story of so many marriages— starting off with hope and excitement, then settling into careers and kids and unforeseen challenges, then facing emerging disenchantment and mounting frustrations, then maybe even reaching a breaking point, where the marriage seems unable to withstand all the stuff life is throwing in its path. For Daniel and Mindy, their initial years of love and hope and adventure were slowly buried by layers of physical and emotional pain, by Daniel’s chronic and worsening depression, by Mindy’s frustration and anger and shame. Teetering on the edge, they decided to begin working with MDMA, hoping to rediscover what they had somehow lost. | |||
| 14 Feb 2025 | Adventures in Exposure Therapy (Re-release) | 00:44:49 | |
This is a re-release of an episode called "Adventures in Exposure Therapy" which first published in 2020. That episode was the second of a two part exploration of OCD, the first episode was called "OCD in the Time of Corona." In brief, "OCD in the Time of Corona" was the story of Dr. H's patient Erin, who suffered from disabling OCD that focused on a catastrophizing fear of cold sores and the herpes virus. Dr. H initially treated Erin, then referred her to Dr. Amy Indermuehle, a CO based psychologist and OCD expert, who then took over the exposure therapy. "Adventures in Exposure Therapy" is a conversation with Dr. Amy both about the fascinating specifics of Erin’s OCD tx, as well as a ton of wisdom and guidance about how to do exposure therapy for various presentations of OCD. Dr. Amy Indermuehle "I Love You, I Hate You, Are You My Mom?" A intensive experiential workshop exploring transference with Dr. H and Dr. Hillary McBride, May 28-30 in Victoria BC | |||
| 28 Feb 2025 | Sex Hormones and Psychiatric Illness with Dr. Neill Epperson | 01:03:40 | |
Dr. H sits down with Dr. Neill Epperson, chair of the University of Colorado Department of Psychiatry, to talk all things hormonal. "I Love You, I Hate You, Are You My Mom?" A intensive experiential workshop exploring transference with Dr. H and Dr. Hillary McBride, May 28-30 in Victoria BC | |||
| 14 Mar 2025 | Developing field awareness: Working with transference and countertransference | 01:10:36 | |
This is an interview that Dr. H recently did on a podcast called "The Web: Weaving Psychology and Soul in Circle" where he goes deep into his own journey learning how to work with transference and countertransference. Carrie Haynes and "The Web" "I Love You, I Hate You, Are You My Mom?" An intensive experiential workshop exploring transference with Dr. H and Dr. Hillary McBride, May 28-30 in Victoria BC "Bringing Therapy into Med Management"-- a psychotherapy training intensive with Dr. H for psych NPs and PAs https://www.craigheacockmd.com/training/ BFTA on IG @backfromtheabysspodcast | |||
| 28 Mar 2025 | The Art of Deprescribing | 00:22:39 | |
Dr. H breaks down the complex task of deprescribing into six clear steps, starting with the most important and challenging question of all: Who is the patient and why are they suffering? "Bringing Therapy into Med Management"-- a psychotherapy training intensive with Dr. H for psych NPs and PAs this October in Ft Collins https://www.craigheacockmd.com/training/ BFTA on IG @backfromtheabysspodcast | |||
| 11 Apr 2025 | Desperately seeking safety -- A trauma healing journey with Koelle Simpson | 02:05:54 | |
Craig sits down with Colorado-based equine and somatic therapist Koelle Simpson to witness her harrowing and moving story of healing from repeated sexual assaults through a deep psychospiritual connection with horses, then learning how to trust her male psychotherapist, and finally coming to face the darkness and shame head on through the use of psilocybin mushrooms. A heads up-- this episode contains graphic descriptions of sexual assault, please be mindful of whether this is the right time for you to hear this. Koelle Simpson "I Love You, I Hate You, Are You My Mom?" A intensive experiential workshop exploring transference with Dr. H and Dr. Hillary McBride, May 28-30 in Victoria BC BFTA on IG @backfromtheabysspodcast | |||
| 22 Sep 2019 | One phone call changed everything: EMDR Part 2 | 00:44:47 | |
As her father descended into years of meth-induced rages and psychosis, Kate and her family repeatedly tried to flee...but there was no place to hide. And when at last, after finishing college and starting a new life with her husband, she thought she had escaped the demons of her past, a phone call lit her world on fire. Kate eventually found a way to heal through a six year treatment journey with the help of a deeply caring and skilled therapist and the tool of EMDR. | |||
| 06 Oct 2019 | The Delta Flight Attendant-- BPD and psychotherapy | 00:51:39 | |
In psychotherapy, it’s the relationship itself that heals. In this episode of BFTA, Dr. H and his patient Jasmine explore their always complicated, often humorous, and at times very painful journey through the minefield of borderline personality disorder. | |||
| 23 Oct 2019 | How to think about anxiety | 00:07:04 | |
Anxiety and pain are the primary drivers of medical visits, as well as two of the more complicated symptoms to break down in a meaningful way. In this mini-episode, Dr. H presents the metaphor of "below the neck" vs "above the neck" anxiety to help us think about anxiety in a way that might better guide diagnosis and treatment. "Above the neck" anxiety emanates from the ruminating/imagining/obsessing/spin-cycle brain, while "below the neck" anxiety is the body's fight/flight response, with adrenaline coursing through the body to send the blaring smoke alarm signal of impending danger...even where there is no apparent immediate threat. | |||
| 05 Nov 2019 | Healing trauma with psychedelics with Saj Razvi— Part 1 | 01:05:47 | |
This is the first of a two part very special interview with Saj Razvi, the Director of Education at Innate Path in Denver, CO. Saj weaves together his three fascinating perspectives— that of a nationally recognized trauma expert, his own personal story of early childhood neglect and how this shaped everything else to come, and finally his long journey of healing the deepest wound a person can have, eventually coming to MDMA and then psilocybin at the latter part of his therapy journey. | |||
| 19 Nov 2019 | Healing trauma with psychedelics with Saj Razvi— Part 2 | 00:36:45 | |
In this second part of Saj's story, he continues to explore the transformative healing of his MDMA session. Initially believing his therapy journey to be complete, his mother later develops terminal cancer and his attachment wounds reactivate. This impending loss leads him to seek even more advanced and difficult work with psilocybin and the support of two experienced guides in the Netherlands. | |||
| 05 Dec 2019 | My desert island psych meds | 00:10:26 | |
In this mini-episode Dr. H opens himself up for major audiophile shaming as he (reluctantly) reveals his three desert island albums. With this revelation complete, he then moves on to the challenge at hand-- which three psychiatric medications are at the top of the heap, combining efficacy, safety, and breadth of symptom coverage? | |||
| 20 Dec 2019 | Therapists in the abyss: Vicarious trauma | 00:27:30 | |
This is the first of an intermittent series of therapists sharing their abyss stories. Samantha was a newly minted therapist just out of her MSW program, full of hope and excitement for her new career, when she met a client whose horrific trauma story and rapid disappearance from therapy haunted her for years. Dr. H and Samantha explore how she was able to eventually move from the grief and regret of this vicarious traumatization to a place of acceptance and self-compassion. | |||
| 03 Jan 2020 | Can you take someone where you haven't gone yourself? | 00:29:30 | |
In this second installment of therapists in the abyss, Dr. H sits down with Jungian analyst and master therapist Dr. Michael Daine to explore how facing death catalyzed an exploration of the unconscious and the eventual rebirth both of his career and sense of purpose in the world. This then leads to a discussion of whether one can be a capable and resilient therapist without having successfully passed through periods of darkness and despair. | |||
| 17 Jan 2020 | Understanding Depression | 00:07:24 | |
In this mini-episode Dr. H explores the critical implications of thinking about Depression as a syndrome rather than as a meaningful clinical diagnosis. The diagnosis of Depression is but the first tiny step in the journey of exploring biological, psychological, and interpersonal causes and factors which might then point toward effective treatment. | |||
| 31 Jan 2020 | Bright and Shiny and Exciting: An Adderall story | 00:32:31 | |
Life is much better on Adderall, until it's not. | |||
| 17 Feb 2020 | When a tree falls twice-- OCD, emotional neglect, and resilience | 00:38:46 | |
The root system of a tree is its hidden protection against the harsh realities of wind and drought and disease. For people, loving and healthy childhood attachments are our central hidden protection against the inevitable losses and tragedies of life. But what happens when these early attachments aren't safe and secure? | |||
| 01 Mar 2020 | MDMA and the Inner Healer | 01:18:16 | |
After a nightmarish sexual assault at age 15, Mitch's life felt over. Wracked by daily dread, panic, and a desperate longing to die, he eventually found his way 22 years later to the MAPS trial of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for severe PTSD. | |||
| 17 Mar 2020 | The two loves of her life-- Alcohol, self harm, and the path of recovery | 00:59:48 | |
If only swimming or meditation were as good as vodka. Unfortunately, the most powerful and rapid-acting coping strategies also tend to be the most damaging and addictive. | |||
| 31 Mar 2020 | Ketamine therapy update + Listener questions | 00:14:12 | |
Listeners ask: "Can I tell my story on Back from the Abyss?" | |||
| 14 Apr 2020 | OCD in the Time of Corona | 00:54:44 | |
The postpartum period is by far the most psychiatrically vulnerable time in a woman's life. Erin had always some some mildly annoying obsessive-compulsive tendencies, but they were never a major factor in her life, until just after her daughter was born. Almost immediately she was flooded with horrific violent images and urges, these then morphed into a paralyzing dread of viral contamination. | |||
| 28 Apr 2020 | Adventures in Exposure Therapy | 00:43:57 | |
In this second of a two part exploration of OCD, Dr. H and Dr. Amy Indermuehle, a Colorado-based OCD expert, deconstruct Erin's treatment. Dr. Amy is a big fan of in vivo exposures, whether that be watching stomach-churning Youtube videos, touching forbidden items at Target, or riding out the anxiety wave in a public bathroom. Dr. Amy highlights how OCD treatment is so different from typical psychotherapy for anxiety and why so many therapists default to the much more comfortable (but counterproductive) option of trying to help patients soothe their nervous systems. | |||
| 12 May 2020 | Chris and Craig in the Fishbowl | 00:45:26 | |
BFTA's two co-conspirators sit down together for a look back at the first year-- the origin story, highlights, points of gratitude, mistakes made, Craig's most poignant/painful moment, the Enneagram, and Chris' desert island albums (no Meat Loaf!) | |||
| 26 May 2020 | Bonus Episode-- Conversations with a Wounded Healer (Interview with Dr. Hillary McBride) | 00:45:41 | |
Self-described podcast junkie Dr. H reached out to Sarah Buino, host of the excellent podcast Conversations with a Wounded Healer, and they agreed to do this super nifty episode swap, in which Sarah will feature a favorite BFTA episode on her show, and Dr. H chose a favorite episode to feature here. FB: @woundedhealr and @headhearttherapy Twitter: @woundedhealr and @HeadHeart_Chi | |||
| 09 Jun 2020 | Bonus episode-- Inside Eyes: Ayahuasca and sexual trauma | 00:44:19 | |
Can a podcast have an identical twin separated at birth? If so, then "Inside Eyes" might possibly be that long lost twin of BFTA. Instagram: @lauramaenorthrup Twitter: @inside__eyes Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LauraMaeNorthrup | |||
| 23 Jun 2020 | Losing patients, one after another--Craig's meditation on loss and life | 00:11:25 | |
Season 2 is here! | |||
| 21 Jul 2020 | A special place in my drug addict heart-- Finding safety with Suboxone | 00:59:57 | |
We typically think of addiction as a symptom of a deeper issue, such as trauma or a psychiatric disorder. Sometimes, however, addiction is the main event, and powerlessness is the starting point, not some ambiguous distant stop on the substance abuse train. | |||
| 04 Aug 2020 | Craig and Saj Razvi talk shop— Dissociation, the unconscious, countertransference sadism, and psychedelics | 00:37:54 | |
Saj Razvi (of Innate Path and Psychedelic Somatic Institute) returns to BFTA to help Craig do a deep dive into listener questions. | |||
| 18 Aug 2020 | Psychiatry in one question + When ketamine therapy gets difficult | 00:15:28 | |
In the first half of this two part mini-episode, Dr. H explores the four stages where fully dissociative doses of ketamine can get a little rocky: | |||
| 01 Sep 2020 | Trauma, yoga, and spiritual recovery | 00:38:08 | |
Trauma embeds in the complex zone between body and spirit, deep within the realm of primary consciousness. The typical psychiatric approaches of meds and talk therapy rarely access these unconscious realms. In prior episodes of BFTA, we have heard accounts of healing these deep wells of trauma with EMDR, psilocybin, and MDMA-- this episode highlights the unexpected power of a loving teacher and a guided spiritual practice. | |||
| 22 Sep 2020 | A mother's story-- When your child can't see what's wrong | 00:41:20 | |
After a difficult final year of high school, Tessa hoped and prayed that her youngest son would make the transition to college and find a way to thrive. He would be only an hour away, he wanted to go, and she was hopeful that getting a new start there could reverse whatever was happening to him. Yet just two months into his freshman year, it was apparent that he was sinking fast into a maelstrom of panic, body dysmorphia, delusions, and hopelessness. | |||
| 06 Oct 2020 | Craig's letters from the past: Mistakes made, lessons learned | 00:25:16 | |
Dr. H finds a trove of patient letters from the last 15 years and shares three of the most poignant, using each as a springboard for lessons learned. | |||