AuDHD Flourishing (Mattia Mauree)

Being autistic and ADHD sometimes feels like having two brains that are fighting each other! This podcast is for any AuDHD person who struggles with the minutiae of life... and for those who want to move beyond that to talk about what our neurotype makes possible.

We'll hear from other AuDHD people about what works for them. We'll hear about the latest science and research. And we'll hear many practical tips... because we're all different, and we need to hear all the options to figure out what may work best for us!

If you'd like to stay updated, you can find Mattia on the AuDHD Flourishing newsletter (no longer on instagram at all)

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AuDHD = autism + ADHD... and also I experience it as its own neurotype, and not simply two "disorders."

Here are the sets of questions I asked in the episode, if you'd like to take time with them on your own:

1. Do you feel like advice almost never works for you? Not only NT advice, but even advice from autistic OR ADHD people? That your brain either instantly knows advice won't work for you, or tries it and feels really disappointed because you did have a lot of things in common with the person who gave it to you but somehow still it felt like your body or brain were just not clicking with it?
2. Are the internal parts of you always fighting? Do you feel like the things your body and brain want are often in complete opposition and that it's literally impossible to get your needs met, because different parts of you want such different things to feel safe, regulated, and cared for?
3. Have you managed to build some modicum of success in an area through anxiety and adrenaline? This could be school, work, a creative pursuit, relationships. Have you received external validation for doing this thing well, all the while being absolutely terrified that it's all going to fall apart and you have no idea how to handle how your life feels and it all feels extremely precarious and painful at the day-to-day level? Do you feel the need to hide how much you're struggling, and/or if you've disclosed your struggles have they not been taken seriously?
4. Is your energy quite cyclical, where when you feel like your brain is working you'll push yourself really really hard, and then be totally exhausted and need time to recover? And without adequate recovery time, Is burnout, or burnout-like depression (they can be similar) a frequent experience for you? Or do you live in fear of it?

Thanks to Hanu Dixit for permission to use the song A Sitar Story.

Full Transcript here

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Thanks so much to composer Hanu Dixit for permission to use his song "A Sitar Story" in the podcast intro/outro! If you like the song, here's the whole thing with no talking so you can listen to it.

This song really tickled my brain, so I'm happy to share it!

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AuDHD women are often misdiagnosed, but Kristen's list is ridiculous and includes the word "histrionic" (which I didn't know you could even get in this century)! Her goal was always to build an awesome life instead of just being a compliant patient.

And thank goodness, because now she's out here teaching people how to give fewer fucks, raising a family, and making awesome content all over the internet.

Links mentioned:

• Find Kristen at https://kristenking.com/
• "Fuck this shit I'm out" song
• Some links from Kristen around that 97% statistic

Love Your Brain is enrolling for July (and is 20% full as of posting this episode)

Full Transcript here

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Happy Autistic Pride Day, June 18th!

What are you proud of?

It doesn't negate any of our challenges, but it was fun to focus on what I love about my brain for a whole episode.

If you'd like to learn more about Love Your Brain, here 'tis!

Full Transcript here

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The idea of "potential" has been weaponized against neurodivergent and disabled kids.

Today I dig into why I hate the concept of potential as it's currently used, what I propose we talk about instead, and many personal details of my own journey toward feeling like I'm enough.

Feeling a deep sense of enough-ness has totally changed my life. And while we all reach that in different ways, neurodivergent community has absolutely been a part of my healing journey.

Love Your Brain July-Nov 2023 cohort (official last day to apply is Thurs June 29th... but also I understand the ADHD brain and we have a few days of leeway as the first group call is the week of July 7th)

Cross-posted from The Longer Road podcast

Full Transcript here

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Nat Smith is a vulnerability coach, playwright, and connection witch. They're also my sibling, so you'll hear stories about our childhood.

Nat has known they're ADHD for years, and only recently has been exploring the label autistic. One reason it's been a slow realization: they don't experience it as a disorder and don't need a lot of external support day-to-day.

Because of that experience, we also touch on the "levels" of autism currently being given in diagnosis. Many Level 1 folks are never diagnosed. And while I would probably be labeled Level 1, I'm actually more Level 2... I've just managed to have family and partners meet my daily needs.

Nat's perspective is incredibly helpful for anyone who wonders what autism looks like when it's NOT an obviously disabling condition. This is where the word "Neurotype" is so useful!

Disclaimer: 

And I would hope it goes without saying... every autistic person is different and has their own experience! Many if not most autistic people (and especially those who receive an official diagnosis) do experience autism as a disability for many reasons.

Nat's experience does not at all detract from that! AND I feel it's important for more autistic people to be "out," even if they have a less common presentation. 

Resources:

• Nat mentioned Devon Price's book Laziness Does Not Exist and the article of the same name.
• Nat's Substack newsletter/articles
• Nat's Facebook
• AuDHD Flourishing newsletter 

Full Transcript here

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Pasha Marlowe speaks brilliantly about how to navigate trauma, triggers, and sensory needs in relationships as an AuDHD person.

Making it concrete, we both talk about a recent meltdown with our respective partners, and how we navigated those during and after.

This is a deeply un-shaming episode—we still struggle with relational trauma despite all the "work" we've done. It's okay to have a lot of needs in relationships. And we talk about how hard it can be to figure out what those are and communicate them effectively.

If your neurodivergent relationship needs extra support, Pasha is one of the rare practitioners who's ND, trained in family therapy, and works with couples!

Resources mentioned:

1. Pasha's website
2. Neuroqueering podcast and Mattia's guest episode
3. @neuroqueercoach on TikTok
4. @neuroqueercoach on Instagram
5. Neuroqueer Heresies book

Full Transcript here

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I'm a naturally growth-oriented person... however, I often find myself changing or "fixing" things that others think are a problem. What happens when I reorient to what's actually important to me?

The self-help industry will happily sell us solutions, whether or not the problem was actually bothering us before we heard about it.

Many of us feel like we're struggling alone. But not only are most people silently struggling, many neurodivergent folks feel that they're uniquely broken. It's such a common experience!

It's totally fine to choose to change something about your life. However, it can be helpful to check in with yourself to make sure it's really what you want.

The questions I offered around choosing to change something (and especially purchasing a self-help product):

1. Is this actually causing me any harm?
2. Is it harming anyone at all? If yes, is that harm actually meaningful, or am I mostly being harmed by the shame around it?
3. If I changed this about myself, what might "better" look like? Is that definition or desire coming from me, or suggestions outside of myself?
4. Is paying attention to this popular "problem" keeping my attention away from anything deeply important to me? If I didn't put time, attention, or money into this, what might I want to do instead?
5. If I never changed again, would I (still) love and accept myself?

Here are the messages I need to hear:

• It's okay to take breaks from personal growth.
• It's okay to give up on changing things about yourself just because they might make other people more comfortable.
• It's okay to focus on what your body and mind actually want and need, whether or not those line up with messaging from people around you.
• I bet you're actually doing a great job with the circumstances you've been given.
• Even if you never change or fix another thing, I love and accept you.

Full Transcript here

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This is a meta-episode about how I think about and approach the science around autism and ADHD (as well as other neurodivergences).

While I do my best to do additional research, there are so many things that no one knows about AuDHD brains!

One tool to improve this podcast is the Transcript doc linked below, which is publicly available for comments. If you have any questions or comments, you can leave them on the file and I'll try to answer them there and/or in the podcast!

Full Transcript here

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& this week's* newsletter if you wanna check one out

* No, I don't send newsletters weekly... yay doing what works for our own brain instead of arbitrary rules/schedules :)

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It's easy for AuDHD brains to latch onto one concept of a solution, and believe it has to happen that way. But sometimes there's a deeper question or problem underneath that.

As one example, many neurodivergent folks want a morning routine... but the real question under that could be "How do I feel good in the morning," or "How do I get my day started?"

How do we ask the right questions to make sure we're not wasting our energy?

One way to know that part of you believes you're asking the wrong question is if you're experiencing "self-sabotage" when trying to achieve the solution you have in mind.

A few potential ways to reframe your question/problem:

1. Take time with it & take a step back
2. Externally process with someone else
3. Come up with at least 3 different ways this could go down, or different scenarios, that might solve the question/problem (to get your brain thinking creatively, and get another perspective)

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How do we survive capitalism while navigating the ethical dilemmas of making money within this broken system?

There's no one right answer, but this episode breaks down my thoughts about it over the past few months.

The problem isn't simply the exchange of goods or services for money, it's how late-stage capitalism seeks short-term profits above all else, extracting all the excess labor of the "lower classes" for profit.

Ultimately I want more of us to be able to survive capitalism so we can build something better.

Resources mentioned:

1. The Moneyless Society podcast & book
2. The AuDHD Entrepreneurs & Creatives free facebook group (I no longer am in the group bc I deleted Facebook, and a friend is running it)
3. Podcast transcript doc

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Most people have one or two core self-care needs that, if they're met, everything else feels easier. This episode is about how to figure out yours... and what to look out for when you hear people preaching about their own!

There's also acknowledgment that your neurodivergent body and brain may process things in different ways, so the following questions may not be that useful for you.

Figuring out your core self-care need or needs (just a jumping-off point!):

1. Thinking back to times in your life when things felt the easiest, what was your life like? Which of your needs were being met fairly well?
2. When life has been a bit easier or better, did you notice any particular ups and downs based on particular needs being met? For example, if you were overall feeling pretty good compared to your baseline, was there anything that particularly threw you off? Or something that could bring you back to that feeling better pretty quickly?
3. Tuning into your body right now, is there anything your body is asking for? This won't necessarily be a core need, it's more a check-in to see what messages your body is already good at giving you.
4. Thinking about the past few days, weeks, or months, are there any messages your body has been consistently giving you? For example, when you've felt tired, does it feel more like you need sleep, or more like you need food, or more like you need to be around another person to recharge? Again, this isn't a perfect metric, just noticing how your body talks to you.
5. Is there any form of self-care that feels like it REALLY fixes a bad day?

Resources mentioned:

1. Takedown of Why We Sleep: https://guzey.com/books/why-we-sleep/
2. Commentary on the above post: https://statmodeling.stat.columbia.edu/2019/11/18/is-matthew-walkers-why-we-sleep-riddled-with-scientific-and-factual-errors/
3. Transcript Doc

And one more link someone sent taking down the book Why We Sleep (I haven’t listened to this episode but the links alone look great): https://open.spotify.com/episode/4r0Vawq8xAfnsnKbYVUNhc?si=n7t-koeuS2GXQ2QnA8j4dQ

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Jes Diverges (she/they) helps fellow autistic ADHDers and has a fascinating background. We dive into how they ended up coaching rather than finishing their therapy degree... and in the process touch on how messed up some of our culture's attitudes are toward mental health!

While we certainly don't solve the issue of AuDHD mental health, we talk about

• when to take a break from trauma healing
• how entrepreneurship has been a surprising part of our trauma healing
• why insistence on one modality such as CBT doesn't serve us
• how to balance individual and community healing

From Jes' website:

As an auDHD coach, I empower fellow autistic ADHDers to understand the unique interplay of the auDHD “combo meal” within their minds, and to let go of perfectionism, people pleasing, and unrealistic neurotypical expectations.

By embracing radical self-love in place of shame, I guide individuals on their journey to confidently navigate the chaotic intricacies of auDHD life and become the audaciously authentic auDHDers they were meant to be.

Resources mentioned:

1. Jes' Instagram & TikTok @jesdiverges
2. jesdiverges.com
3. Email Jes at jes@jesdiverges.com
4. Jes' Linktree with all the things

Episode Transcript

AuDHD Flourishing Newsletter

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Meltdowns and shutdowns appear to be a natural release valve for an overwhelmed autistic brain. They feel out of control and can be quite distressing.

While there are ways to push them off, I experience a "point of no return" after which I need some big release or I'm going to feel terrible for days.

Learning your triggers, as well as planning ahead for a safer experience if you do have a meltdown or shutdown can lessen our overall stress and shame.

(One thing I forgot to record in the episode is that for me, shutdowns are almost always low-verbal or I can't speak at all.)

Links:

1. Meltdowns & Shutdowns* https://embrace-autism.com/meltdowns-and-shutdowns/

2. How it feels to have an autistic meltdown and how you can help* https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/38f5MsC2mB5fnmCr5v77zDn/how-it-feels-to-have-an-autistic-meltdown-and-how-you-can-help

3. All About ‘Autism Meltdowns’: Why They Happen and How to Cope https://psychcentral.com/autism/autism-meltdowns

4. Autism Shutdown Vs Meltdown: What's the Difference? https://www.andnextcomesl.com/2022/06/autism-shutdown-vs-meltdown.html

Email list: https://mattia.ck.page/a6b7c9bf09

Episode Transcript

*autistic writer

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Michael is an AuDHD content creator (with a huge audience) and coach who runs a free AuDHD peer support group.

He shares his formula for feeling better, which includes removing negative stimuli to reach neutral, rather than trying to leap straight to happiness. And shares beautifully about how he finds peace in the neutral, since even happiness is a fleeting feeling.

You can connect with Michael at the links below:

1. Peer Support Group
2. All of Michael's links
3. Instagram @ADHDruids

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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Feelings, emotions, sensations in the body... We've all received confusing messages around what they mean and what they are. And many autistic folks have trouble connecting to their emotions and related body sensations.

They're also important and potentially useful messages from our body as it attempts to stay safe. 

This episode covers one compelling theory of what feelings (sensations and emotions) are, as well as a variety of tools to get through the day no matter where you are in your journey. 

Also, just a reminder that whatever you're doing to get through the day right now is okay. You don't owe anyone—including yourself—a specific amount of healing or performing wellness. 

Book mentioned is How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett. I also mention Linda Thai and Resmaa Menakem. 

Episode originally published as 009 Feelings: Why?? on The Longer Road podcast

Links:

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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This is a mind-expanding episode! Cassandra Idris recently founded an organization built around neurodivergent brains at every level, and mutual aid for some of the most marginalized populations in Philadelphia.

She speaks eloquently about mental health, being a trans woman and the inherent social betrayals in that experience, and how the system isn't going to pay us to bring it down. Because she's seen the systems from many perspectives (including from the inside as an HR professional), she has a detailed understanding of what it takes to create true change.

One of those changes is to create more organizations by us and for us!

If you'd like to learn more about the Philadelphia Mutual Aid collective, or donate, you can do that here. And if you're generally curious about how Open Collective works, that's here.

You can connect with Cassandra on Instagram here

Cassandra's SoundCloud (techno mixes)

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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Task bracelets can be a task per tag or written really small like I did below... then they stay on your wrist to walk you through the task. Thanks to Caitlin Fisher for the idea!

The first half of the episode covers how to make them and how I'm using them.

Then it's about the launch of Like Your Brain, an ongoing community space for integration and gentle support. Do less, feel better!

The welcome calls are Fri Sep 29 2023 2p EST, and Mon Oct 2 5p EST... hop in if you want to help shape what the space becomes!

Task bracelet pic below, linked on Facebook here, also in the Transcript:

[image description: Mattia’s hand holding a blue coil bracelet with a green tag attached. Written on the paper inside the tag is the following instructions for doing laundry: 1. Fill basket 2. Take downstairs 3. Pockets/fill 4. Add soap 5. Settings/turn on 6. Timer 7. Pull out line dry 8. To dryer 9. Dryer on 10. Hang line dry]

Transcript Doc

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Thanks to Amelia Hruby at the Off the Grid podcast for this lovely interview!

Here are her show notes:

Today I’m joined by coach & composer Mattia Maurée to talk about running a business & navigating social media in a way that supports your unique brain & lived experience.

Tune in to our conversation to hear about—

• Common ADHD, Autistic & AuDHD struggles with work
• How to quit overworking as a coping strategy
• Embracing a cyclical relationship to social media
• The importance of play for our brains
• How podcasting serves Mattia’s business
• Mattia’s method for connecting with the online communities you’re craving

“The more I've learned about the brain, the more I've been able to actually accept that I am never, ever going to be able to behave in a neuronormative way or run my business in a neuronormative way. So I have to have space for things to be different." — Mattia Maurée

Learn more about Like Your Brain here, and sign up here!

Transcript Doc

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Optimizing (and the related bio-hacking) are really popular... but why? Who are we doing this for, and who really benefits?

This episode spans the last several years of my life starting with my first coaching certification that was literally called Optimize at the time. There were some positive benefits such as better sleep, which on the whole improved my mood.

But in the long run, there's a potential negative side to the advice to optimize.

And at the same time, many AuDHD people will enjoy optimizing at some point, because it's fun! This episode talks about that balance.

The questions near the end of the episode if you'd like to reflect on them:

• Are you multitasking in ways that don't actually feel good, just for the sake of "efficiency?"
• Are you expending a lot of mental or other kinds of energy to make something perfect, when it could be really damn good at 95% or pretty good at 80% or passable at 65%?
• Does your current system seem functional? Is it possible to do less and still have it function okay?
• What are you currently doing more to avoid failure than to move toward what you actually want?

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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An AuDHD therapist! Danielle Aubin (she/they), LCSW, works with neurodivergent clients and has expertise in trauma. 

We talk about why trauma is such a big deal for ND clients. And the title of the episode comes from their amazing take on why having safe therapy is especially important for ND people, and what that looks like. 

If you're in therapy or considering it, this episode is for you! (Also if you've experienced trauma from therapy, because this conversation totally validates that also.)

Episode originally posted on The Longer Road podcast, June 2023

Danielle's website

Danielle's TikTok @myautistictherapist

Danielle's Instagram @myautistictherapist

Resources Danielle recommends for finding a therapist:

ndtherapists.com

autistictherapist.com 

inclusivetherapists.com

-------------------

Transcript Doc

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Poverty is not your fault. Debt is not your fault. And you don't have to find solutions alone!

This episode talks about the systemic side, the AuDHD-specific elements such as impulsive shopping, and how screwed up debt is historically and currently.

Note: This episode is quite USA-centric. While there are mentions of ways this might affect people in other countries, growing up here is my main context on this topic.

Resources mentioned:

1. Simone Seol's episode Debunking the idea of a "Scarcity Mindset"
2. Article The Cognitive Burden of Poverty the above episode was based on
3. David Graeber's book Debt: The First 5000 Years
4. Like Your Brain community space

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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Linda Thai is a therapist, educator, and storyteller. She has been one of the most important people in my own healing journey, especially her focus on somatic embodied integration. 

Feeling safe enough to work with what the body holds was a turning point for both of us. Linda shares about her own healing journey and how key the body was for her own process.

She drops countless pieces of wisdom in her gentle yet direct style.

You'll also hear me laugh a lot more than usual, in part because of how comfortable I feel in her presence!

Resources mentioned:

1. The January 2024 round of the Somatic Embodiment & Regulation Strategies: Not only one of the best courses I've ever taken, but by FAR the best value for the cost (plus, scholarships available). I took this course twice and recommend it most highly!!
2. Linda's website: https://www.linda-thai.com/
3. If you scroll down on Linda's website you can sign up for her newsletter, which she usually sends monthly and is always informative. That's where you can find out about her new content for next year, including something called Trauma & The Voice that I'm very excited about!

Originally published on The Longer Road as a two-part series

Transcript Doc

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Diagnoses and labels can be really helpful to explain our experiences. We finally have a "because" to explain why we do the things we do!

And also... that same "because" sometimes starts to feel like it's holding us back. It's possible to acknowledge limitations while also leaving space for growth and inevitable change.

Like Your Brain community space

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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The story of a meltdown. For me these days, that includes some intrusive thoughts around being a burden.

You are not a burden. And even if we are sometimes, that's okay. I want to be a part of communities that can carry each other sometimes.

Like Your Brain community space

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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Thanks to Chris Hale for this cross-posted episode from his podcast, You Need a Coach B*tch!

We talk about:

• Building businesses that work for our AuDHD brains
• What we don't see when looking at the external success of others
• Why so many people who achieve creative success young have wealthy backgrounds
• Questioning WHY you want your big goals so you can aim towards the ones that will really fulfill your desires
• Why it can be extra tough to start a small business and/or creative business right now
• How our brains get stuck and...
• The state changes in the body that can help us get unstuck

You can find Chris Hale

1. On Instagram @theonlychrishale
2. All the links on LinkTree
3. Website theonlychrishale.com

Other resources:

Like Your Brain community space

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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A simple practice blending honesty with your current feelings plus any gratitude that may arise. Including how to use this to smooth over social or family concerns... good luck with any holidays you celebrate!

p.s. there's a new website up at audhdflourishing.com! It's still under construction so please pardon any broken links... should be spruced up within the next week :)

Like Your Brain community space

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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Matt made a career as a lawyer that worked for his brain... then found out he's AuDHD. He shares some of the challenges and strengths that have shaped his career.

This is helpful for any AuDHDer with professional struggles, and especially if you're in or are considering a client-facing career.

Note that we're not using his last name in the show notes or description for SEO reasons at his request, but he's happy to connect with young or aspiring AuDHD lawyers who are looking for mentorship or advice!

You can also connect with Matt on Twitter at matt_cam

Like Your Brain community space

Transcript Doc

Email Newsletter

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Neurodivergent folks may not experience habits in the way they're traditionally talked about. Specifically, they may never become truly "background," and instead we remain in the active decision-making mode.

To that end, I've personally found it much more helpful to create rituals rather than habits. It explicitly acknowledges that this is an active process as opposed to a background habit, which is more honest about how our brains work. It also triggers my PDA (demand avoidance) far less!

This episode suggests some starting points, including:

1. Choosing a task or time of day to build ritual around
2. Finding your "why" and brainstorming possibilities
3. Pare down to an initial ritual of a few steps
4. Gather materials

Other podcasts/episodes mentioned:

AuDHD: The Science of Autism & ADHD on Sci Guys

Divergent Conversations podcast

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. AuDHDFlourishing.com

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If you're struggling, whether that's just a bad day, a longer stretch, or that very relatable feeling that all of life has been irredeemably difficult and that no one understands or can help... I just wanted to take a moment to validate and make space for those feelings.

You're not alone... and at the same time we can end up feeling very alone.

If you need to numb out from these feelings, it can help to acknowledge that it feels unbearable and that you're choosing temporary escape. We all do it and it can be a healthy coping mechanism!

Binaural music is the tool I suggested searching free versions of online.

What are some free and easy ways that you can feel a bit better, to get out of your head a little bit, to help the body get what it needs?

What are some accessible resources already at your disposal that have made you feel better in the past?

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Bonus workshop from Like Your Brain (with client speaking cut out for privacy) on setting a personal intention or three for the new year that feels motivating and interesting to you. Of course you can use this method for any area of your life such as career.

Traditional goal-setting starts with where you want to "arrive." We start with how you want to FEEL, and what helps you feel that way. 

The reason I'm focusing on feelings and personal aims is that we often put our best energy into professional life, relationships, other people, and generally things we think we're supposed to do. If there's something that makes you feel REALLY REALLY GOOD, I want that to be elevated to the status of Annual Goal ;) (if you want that... we'll talk about ways to approach this without the goal word also)

The questions if you want to write about them:

1. What makes you happy, feel good, etc (or however else you want to feel)? Or what kinds of experiences do you enjoy (what brings you pleasure or is interesting to you)? When you think about times you feel good, or like the way you're feeling, how might you describe that? 
2. What activities, situations, people etc support you in experiencing or feeling that way? Are there any patterns you notice when you think about the times that you've felt this way?
3. What are some potential goals that might move you toward that?
4. Is there one that stands out that you'd like to work with? What might this look like for next year? What's feeling like something you could feasibly start moving toward soonish?
5. What do you need to support this? What do you already have at your disposal that might support it? What would you need to add to your life in terms of people, resources, learning, time, actual physical objects, etc to support this potential intention or desire?

New Year: Map Your Intention session

Bonus: for folks who check out by Dec 25th, I'll also be providing a bonus follow-up email with suggested resources that I'll research for you after our call.

Full call including everyone's comments over on the Like Your Brain community

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Alternate title: AuDHD Unmasking & Activism

Artist, skateboarder, special ed teacher, and AuDHD activist my world iz blue talks about his recent Autism and ADHD diagnoses... and the burnout that led to them.

He originally learned how to live unmasked by being labeled as an artist, i.e. someone who will be themselves regardless. However, that way of life directly clashes with what's required in the professional world.

We talk about how neurodivergent kids (and adults) are treated in school, what elements of a better world would look like, movement and mental health, and how collective action is our main option if we want to make the world better for all of us.

Connect & find his art on Instagram @myworldizblue

New Year: Map Your Intention session

Bonus: for folks who check out by Dec 31st, I'll also be providing a bonus follow-up email with suggested resources that I'll research for you after our call.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. AuDHDFlourishing.com
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Becoming the next version of ourself isn't about forcing. It's about that natural process of embodiment when suddenly, this is who we are now. Usually by the time we've fully embodied something, it kind of feels like we've always been this way.

It's a difficult process to describe from inside it... but understanding the process you're in can be a relief!

(And first 3.5 minutes are talking about the ADHD meds shortage and letting my brain do things that are easier for it)

New Year: Map Your Intention session

Bonus: for folks who check out by Dec 31st, I'll also be providing a bonus follow-up email with suggested resources that I'll research for you after our call.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. AuDHDFlourishing.com
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

AuDHD folks have a complicated relationship with the idea of doing our best, because of our spiky profiles and cyclical energy. Also, we often seem to be trying harder than the people around us...whether or not that results in getting anywhere.

There are many reasons that the brain might "hit a wall" and be unable to continue.

Defining our best as "a bit better than average" is one approach (though I haven't convinced my own brain of that one yet).

Some potential questions for reflection:

1. What does doing your best mean to you? How do you know when you’re doing your best? 
2. How would it feel to know that you’re doing your best most or all of the time? 
3. Did this awaken a critical voice in your mind? Does that feel like your voice or someone else’s? Is this voice actually helping you, and either way, is this the main voice you want to live by? 
4. When have you felt compassion for someone else who is obviously trying their best? This could be a child, or someone in the process of learning something. 
5. Why do you feel driven to do your best, if that’s something you often feel? 

New Year: Map Your Intention session

Bonus: for folks who check out by Dec 31st, I'll also be providing a bonus follow-up email with suggested resources that I'll research for you after our call.

If you have questions about whether your specific project or situation fits, you can email mattia@mattiamauree.com.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. AuDHDFlourishing.com
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening. Knowing you get me is very meaningful, and I'm sure it is for the other neurodivergent folks in your life. Thanks for being you!

Keep it up, you're doing great, and see you in the new year :)

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Andrew Simonet is a Philadelphia-based dancer/choreographer and now novelist who has been massively influential in my own life. His Artist's U and book/workbook Making Your Life As An Artist helped me build the foundations of the business side of my music career.

We talk about

• the design problems in our lives
• how many things are blamed on character flaws that are actually design issues
• the liberatory nature of not only the artist's life, but a well-designed life
• how designing your life to meet your own needs liberates you

After we spoke, Andrew wanted to add:

"However you have worked out your ability to create, to make things, to get things done, to get through your day, know that there are a lot of other artists and creatives out there who might benefit from hearing your solutions. Not only are your tools and rhythms and strategies valid, they’re hugely valuable. All of us are figuring out how to nourish our spirits and bodies and minds in this strange techno-capitalist world, and we could learn a lot from hearing how you do it."

And in the extended full interview (we talked for another 20 minutes) here, Andrew asked about how my partner and I navigate our relationship since they do so much for me. He also asked about spaces for AuDHD teens, and personally I don't know of any that are BOTH youth-led/accepting AND have very accurate info. (TikTok for example has the former but a good amount of misinformation.) If you have recommendations for AuDHD teen spaces, let me know at mattia@mattiamauree.com!

Andrew's links:

• Artist's U: Making Your Life As An Artist
• Andrew's amazing email list (one of my faves)
• Andrew's novels: Wilder, and A Night Twice as Long (the one we talked about in the episode)
• AndrewSimonet.com

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. AuDHDFlourishing.com
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

No, more "good rich people" are not going to save the world. Not the least because the amount of money required to create systemic change (i.e. being a billionaire) seems to make one uninterested in systemic change... I wonder why?

p.s. the real answer is community organizing: power and strength in numbers!

The main problem with this idea is that if you try to massively redistribute wealth, at least in the USA the government will come down hard on you.

For example, I once read that the Black Panthers were much more heavily targeted by the US government after they started providing large numbers of free meals to Black children. (p.s. the link there is to a generally good source, but I can't remember the book I read the actual idea in, unfortunately)

This is also NOT an admonition not to become financially stable! I want more financial stability for all of us... but that doesn't require buying into shitty ideas.

If you like the Mini episode format or have a topic idea, please say so here!

Mentioned in Episode:

1. Episode 10: Money & Surviving Capitalism
2. Episode 20: Poverty is Not Your Fault!
3. Sam Pollack's Substack post "Conventional Marketing Ain't Workin' Anymore," and my take on it
4. My Book recommendation for Get Good With Money by Tiffany Aliche, and the direct link to the book
5. How Trauma & CPTSD Cause Underearning

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. AuDHDFlourishing.com
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

grace allerdice shares about her passions for whales. Their place in myth, their role as bridge creatures, and how they are composers who sing a grid around the world every year.

We dive into whale song, how terrifying and mesmerizing whales can be, and how deeply we both connect with the ocean and these huge mammals.

First of hopefully many special interest episodes, when a guest talks about their passion and we go with the flow! If you'd like to share about a special interest or recommend a topic, please reach out.

Mentioned in podcast:

1. grace's main website and home—body podcast website
2. Rick Rubin's book The Creative ACT
3. grace's podcast episode that talks about whales (episode is mostly about astrology)
4. grace also recommends Something Large & Wild, episode on This is Love about an encounter with a baby whale

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. AuDHDFlourishing.com
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you're not paying your business coach from ample profit in your business, it's likely not worth it. Especially when the book Profit First + a free accountability buddy can get you there instead.

My biggest regret in my business was not implementing the profit first system when I first read the book in 2021, the first year I made good money in two businesses. I subsequently wasted a bunch of that money on expensive courses and coaching that weren't a good fit, because I was trying to find "the answer."

If you'd like support either implementing in your business or creative practice over the next few weeks, I'm going to be scheduling coworking hours (and probably a chat space) over the next few weeks. This is free, by the way...not sure if I said that in the episode!

If you'd like that, please send me your email & what you'd like to work on here. If at least five people sign up I'll get that going officially and email y'all.

And if you'd like to share your experiences buying courses and/or coaching, I made an anonymous survey here. The first section is general and should take less than 5 minutes to fill out. The second section could take longer if you really want to dig into details and share more. But anything is interesting and useful, and I'll share those results on a future episode (again, anonymously).

Mentioned in episode:

• Contact form for coworking starting mid-Jan
• Survey about having bought courses/coaching

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There are three interrelated concerns that I hear over and over from AuDHD folks:

1. They don't see a clear pathway from what they love or are good at to making enough money.
2. Strong ethics and values make it difficult to imagine a sustainable life, i.e. making enough money to let things be easier.
3. Undervaluing the things that are easy for them (while feeling a lot of guilt or shame about struggling with the things that are hard for them: didn't talk about this half much)

They are not necessarily AuDHD-specific concerns, but we have some unique needs around resolving them.

This episode shares personal examples (including talking about my 2023 earnings) to build out a holistic picture of what it looks like to be in the process with all of these concerns.

Here are some conversation prompts if you want to talk to someone about #3:

• Let the person know that you're trying to sort out what skills and talents you have that you might be overlooking or undervaluing. I recommend both recording the conversation and asking the other person to take notes so you can get their perspective. 
• Talk through (or write out if this is via email, though I recommend a live conversation if possible) your history with work and/or creative practice, and ways you've helped people. This can include free things such as volunteering. Make sure you also talk about what you've loved and what has felt easy and fun! Start turning this into a list of skills.
• Ask the other person for feedback on what stands out, and how they might describe or add to your list of skills. Have them ask you questions to draw out more information!
• Go back and forth adding to that list of skills, getting as specific as both of you can. Then get that person's opinion on what stands out as anything you might be undervaluing.

Mentioned

book The Art of Impossible by Steven Kotler

From Burnout to Flourishing training for organizations, email mattia@mattiamauree.com for more info

Episode 10: Money & Surviving Capitalism

New Year: Map Your Intention session

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Resources Blog & Contact Form
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Monotropism is a powerful description of a narrowed field of attention and interests that, for many, explains much of the autistic experience. Fergus Murray (they/them) shares about this topic both from personal experience, and as the child of Dinah Murray, one of the people who developed the term and theory.

Healing from neurodivergent burnout requires understanding your monotropic brain and avoiding monotropic split as much as possible. And fun fact, as Fergus points out: in the original validation study, AuDHD people were the most monotropic!

The title reflects both monotropism as an excellent theory about potentially multiple neurodivergences, as well as the tendency of monotropic people to end up seeing connections between diverse fields.

Mentioned in episode:

1. Fergus's website: oolong.co.uk
2. Monotropism Questionnaire
3. Autism and Mental Health free course (free for first 90 days)

Connect with Fergus & learn more about monotropism:

Fergus's LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/0olong

Monotropism: https://monotropism.org

ADHD and Monotropism

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Resources Blog
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first of at least two follow-up episodes about monotropism responding to the work of Fergus Murray, interview guest in episode 034 Monotropism Might Explain Everything.

If you base your ideas about how long it should take to create on societal messages, you might be trying to "squeeze it in" around all your other obligations. But monotropic brains (which AuDHD brains typically are) might need more transition time to get into the right frame of mind. Not only to get things done, but for the process to be more enjoyable, which is a major goal for me creatively.

You can learn more about the Monotropism Questionnaire here, and take the quiz here (checkbox near top of page lets you save your results and come back later).

If you're in Like Your Brain, come tell us your score! We've been talking about it :)

p.s. I'm very proud of myself for practicing what I preach. While working on this episode, I'd told my partner I was recording. Then as I was 75% done with editing, they tried to interrupt me to come do a house task with no warning. I said no! That felt like a big deal because letting myself follow this task to completion felt really good, and I would have been battling dysregulation if I'd gone to do something completely unrelated.

Some links Fergus recommended for further reading on monotropism:

1. ADHD and Monotropism
2. Monotropism in Practice
3. Loops of Concern (self-help for autistic rumination)
4. Autism Tips for Teachers

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Resources Blog & Contact Form
3. Transcript Doc (as of posting this episode in early Feb 2024, I'm a few episodes behind & hoping to catch up soon!)
4. Email Newsletter

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Marketing ends up relevant to many AuDHD people at some point, in part because many of us end up freelancing at some point out of desire or necessity. Many of us end up resisting it because of our strong ethics.

I'd already blogged Samantha's amazing Substack article, "Conventional Marketing Ain't Workin' Anymore." And was ecstatic when she said yes to a deep dive on why making friends with marketing is important for any small business owner or service provider.

We talk about:

• How making friends can be a (chill) marketing activity
• Drawing in the people you like working with
• Why a lot of B2B marketing is dishonest at heart
• Evaluating whether social media is working for you
• A super simple approach to marketing that feels ethical
• How as a consumer, a lot of marketing is just noise

This episode is interesting from the consumer side, even if you don't ever create marketing!

Connect with Sam:

1. Substack: The Cult of Personality Soapbox
2. Instagram @cultofpersonality
3. Sales Page Framework (50% discount for podcast listeners is reflected when you click to buy)
4. Email list signup (scroll down)

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Resources Blog & Contact Form
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How does one continue to make art while depressed? Artist Kal Anderson (he/they) has created a large body of work through the ups and downs.

Topics include:

• Questioning the value of art
• The process of creating many things you don't like
• Asking for help
• Perspective on your work and practice
• Whether depression is artistically "useful" (spoiler alert: mostly, no)

Connect with Kal:

• kalanderson.com for fine art, leather, creative coaching
• Instagram @kalandersonart

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Autism "Levels" (1, 2, or 3 in current diagnostic terminology) are not necessarily an accurate reflection of our lived experience.

Reflecting on last week's guest and what "subclinical" autism even means.

How monotropism may, yet again, explain what's going on.

What actually works for us and what supports we need.

Mentioned in episode:

• Monotropism.org Explanations
• Monotropism Questionnaire
• Fergus Murray's 6 Starting Points for Understanding Autism

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Resources Blog & Contact Form
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

William Curb hosts the Hacking Your ADHD podcast. We dive into what it means to have a "subclinical" autism diagnosis, and what that implies in the context of having a completely different brain.

Other topics include:

• The medical model vs. lived experience
• Handling children's vs. parents' sensory needs
• Neurodivergent children/household
• Formal diagnosis process
• How we view ourselves through this lens
• Which ND is driving the bus right now?
• Complicated diagnosis with multiple potential options

Mentioned in the podcast: 

1. The Hacking Your ADHD website (also contains the podcast linked above)
2. Will's Twitter @HackingYourADHD

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Resources Blog & Contact Form
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today we delve into ethical considerations around marketing coaching, including MLM-like tactics, pricing, and the pressure to charge high fees to recoup investments in programs teaching coaches how to market.

One particular thing I learned recently about this history of the coaching world is changing how I think about my own business. Even if you're not a coach, this will be an interesting episode!

Topics include:

• Following up about last week's conversation with Samantha Pollack about ethics in marketing
• Why some of the MLM accusations feel true (marketing coaches teaching coaches how to market to other coaches, etc)
• Courses focused on marketing and selling over coaching skills
• Why the industry doubled its prices some years ago due to JV/affiliate models
• Accessibility not just in terms of money but also how AuDHD folks consume content and integrate

Links mentioned in episode:

1. Survey about having bought courses/coaching
2. Contact form 
3. The four video podcasts by Rachael Kay Albers: Thomas Edison to Tony Robbins: The Online Business Family Tree, Six Figure Masterminds, Marie Forleo, and The Syndicate, ClickFunnels, Fake it 'til you make it, & Moneyball, Fix From Within or Burn It All Down? What Next? 

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Resources Blog & Contact Form
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A question I hear a lot: Should I just push through?

It's not all or nothing. Feeling unable to do something right now doesn't mean that all is lost and the day is a complete wash. It's safe to switch to something else. It's safe to change your mind. It's safe to need rest and recovery time.

There is nothing wrong with us. But damn do we need more rest.

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Energy doesn't always feel good. Sometimes it leads directly into overwhelm!

4m mini episode

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Success is a complicated topic for AuDHD folks. We're often not praised for what feels the most difficult. Then sometimes told we did an amazing job for something that didn't feel like a big deal.

AuDHD folks often also struggle to achieve traditional success in the workplace and relationships, in large part due to stigma and being disabled by societal factors.

Then, once we actually achieve some kind of success, it can feel way less good than we expected.

It's totally okay to have dreams (big or small)! And it's also useful to ask better questions about why and what we're hoping for once we get there.

Mentioned in episode:

1. Andrew's first email/post: "the No"
2. Followup: "after the No"
3. Andrew Simonet interview (episode 31)
4. ep 9 Asking the Right Questions

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Navigating the Dual Diagnosis of AuDHD. Thanks to William Curb for hosting on the Hacking Your ADHD podcast, and providing the audio to share directly.

You can read the full show notes and transcript here.

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Genevieve Joy and I have a lot in common, including excruciating childhoods that led to chronic pain. Both of us also healed that chronic pain through hypnosis and are now enthusiastic about the possibilities of working with the unconscious.

Content note: There are no graphic depictions of trauma in this episode! However, the way we talk about our own healing journey could be triggering to someone who's in extreme pain at the moment. This is in part because we don't go into the nitty gritty details... it could sound dismissive because we're focusing on the "after." Please trust your body and stop listening if it's not for you at the moment.

Connect with Genevieve:

1. Her website, iamgenevievejoy.com
2. Her podcast, Become Your Own Savior

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. Huberman Lab podcast about Placebo Effect on Biology & Physiology

Try Hypnosis / Learn Self-Hypnosis

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Natalie loves connection at a nervous system level. How do we have agency with that even when it's beyond our control?

We talk about challenges around connection, in-person vs. online, the power of being around a regulated nervous system, and the power of community.

Connect with Natalie:

1. Her website, natalie.net
2. Her podcast, Noticing With Natalie
3. Former podcast, Earth Speak

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Fixing can be a trauma response. You don't need to heal everything!

Especially in our very fixing-oriented culture that will sell you a solution to problems you didn't even realize you had.

Body-based modalities and working with the unconscious (including hypnosis) are just tools. Just because the tool exists doesn't mean you have to use it. Because someone else healed from something doesn't mean you have to.

This episode touches on some issues around working with the unconscious, including:

• You can work with your unconscious on your own
• Self-trust can be complicated if you have sensory issues or trauma
• Expectations matter a lot, including the vibe with the practitioner
• Demand avoidance and "tricking" the unconscious
• ND traits are not blocks to be fixed!

Try Hypnosis / Learn Self-Hypnosis

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Yes, still on about money. In this case, how we're sold the idea that it will exempt us from human suffering... but it will not!

What would you do with your time if money truly were not an issue?

Do you have any access to that now? Even if it looks different than you think it's supposed to?

What's enjoyable, outside of the paradigm of earning or mastery?

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I almost died two weeks ago. It's easy to miss symptoms when one has low interoception and a high pain tolerance.

Episode is around the difficulties seeking care... and why it's very worth it sometimes!

p.s. episodes are coming out on Saturdays now

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. UK study questioning the oft-quoted statistic about autistic people living 16 years less long than allistic people. TLDR: Autistic people do seem to live less long on average, but as many people are undiagnosed, it's hard to get an accurate number.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Answering a listener question about how to handle meltdowns and shutdowns at work, and around people you don't trust. This episode covers a few ways to both plan for, push away, and handle meltdowns once they're happening in a public place.

Previous episodes about meltdowns:

• 13 Autistic Meltdowns & Shutdowns
• 23 You Are Not a Burden (Mattia talking about a specific meltdown they had)
• 6 Healing Relational Trauma (guest Pasha and Mattia talk about recent meltdowns around our partners)

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You'll rarely catch me using the term "hack." But this concept around demand avoidance is working great for me, so far...

TLDR: Shortcutting the PDA brain's ability to use pattern recognition to avoid tasks early in a sequence.

Here's the Instagram video by Kristy Forbes that inspired this episode.

While she suggests introducing new sensory details, I'm going the route of sincerely telling myself that we don't need to do the final thing. We're just gonna do this step.

Note: even if this or Kristy's suggestion works for you, there's a good chance you'll get used to it in some form eventually! And that's okay. Sometimes we just have to keep finding new ways to work with our pattern-seeking brains.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wow, over 100K listens! People talk a lot about feeling safe being visible—being seen and heard either literally or through putting your work into the world.

While I've done a lot of personal work being comfortable while visible, the Guardian article was a huge bump in visibility. To be fair, the "bad day" I reference was also the kidney infection kicking into full gear (see "Don't Die" a couple episodes ago).

It's also a lot easier to be "brave" being visible when you get almost entirely positive feedback! That usually changes with more visibility.

Enjoying this particular phase and trying not to worry about the next one.

The Guardian article, "The sudden rise of AuDHD"

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Big feelings may be harder for monotropic people to handle. And if you have significant sensory sensitivity, the physical sensations can be overwhelming as well.

This episode covers some of the ways I've been approaching grief and helplessness about Gaza.

Links mentioned in show:

1. Episode 15, How Feelings Work
2. Lisa Feldman Barrett's book How Emotions Are Made
3. Al Jazeera article, ‘It’s not human’: What a French doctor saw in Gaza as Israel invaded Rafah
4. Macklemore song Hind's Hall
5. Sign up for General Strike in US!

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Multiple times in the past week or two, clients have felt like they're failing miserably. But it turns out they're in complex, difficult, multifaceted situations that don't have an easy answer.

Plus, it's easy to feel like we're never doing enough, or the right thing. If we're solving personal problems, world events loom large. If we're addressing world events, it feels like a drop in the bucket.

Capitalism tells us that there's a straightforward, purchasable solution for every problem. That's a lie.

You're probably doing really well relative to all the complicated issues you face, and the overall lack of support and resources most of us encounter. And if you really believe that's not true... this episode is especially for you!

Link:

Sign up for General Strike in US!

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Eric Tivers has shared 10 years of helpful content on his podcast, ADHD reWired. He's also built multiple careers helping neurodivergent folks: from therapy, to teaching high support need kids, to the current ADHD group programs.

It's a never-ending journey of discovering what works for his current needs and capacity. And the relatively recent discovery of... oh... maybe there's something to this autism thing.

Find Eric and his work at adhdrewired.com

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rest is not something to be made up for later with productivity. Whether it was forced by the body or not.

We deserve to have energy to do what we love!

Love Your Brain now has three elements you can choose from for more accessibility:

1. Love Your Brain course content
2. Group coaching and co-working calls
3. Direct support from Mattia

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You may have internalized the message as a child that there was something wrong or bad about you. Even if it was not explicit, you probably didn't receive some of the attention and delight that would have sent the strong message that your way of being in the world is valid.

Today's message is simple: You were not a bad child. You deserved love and support in a way that made sense to you. 

Thank you to the therapist who walked me through this concept! Thank you to Linda Thai for providing such amazing emotional support through the courses and group coaching I've taken with her. I credit both of them with helping me learn how to reparent myself in a more deep way.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space (where the picture is that I mentioned in the episode... it's visible to all members including free members)
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thomas Henley educates, normalizes, and actively pushes back against autistic stereotypes and stigma. Check out his highly rated podcast, Thoughty Auti - The Autism Podcast (on which I talked about AuDHD). 

Thomas has made multiple decisions in his life to combat stereotypes, including months of backpacking, and becoming a world-class martial artist, both of which he talks about today. 

We also touch on what some of the lingering stereotypes are, and what helps!

More from Thomas:

• Thoughty Auti - The Autism Podcast
• @thomashenleyUK on Instagram & TikTok
• Website: thomashenley.co.uk

This is a slightly edited podcast that was recorded about a year ago for The Longer Road.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Every creative and interesting person has experienced the feeling that at least some of their big dreams are impossible. And when the current big dream is just surviving, that can be especially challenging. 

I share about the emotional side of the ten years when my composition career had an almost 100% rejection rate. And why I'm giving this unusual advice... 

It can be healthy to temporarily let go of dreams that are stressing you out! 

Crisis Text Line, text HOME to 741741 to reach a volunteer Crisis Counselor on a wide variety of topics

Originally episode 61 on The Longer Road podcast (with minor edits)

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Achievements often feel tied into personal identity. AuDHD folks in particular struggle with achievement pressures, even with just regular neurodivergent demand avoidance.

A few core topics:

• The joy of supporting others' work and stepping back from being the primary creator
• Achievements often don't provide the emotions we expect, so it's meaningful to focus on making the process feel better instead
• Creativity requires boredom and rest
• And the very surprising thought I had that led to this episode...

Episodes mentioned:

• Andrew Simonet on creating supportive feedback convos as a creative
• When Dreams Feel Impossible (last week's episode)
• Autistic Stereotypes with Thomas Henley

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Love Your Brain now has three elements you can choose from for more accessibility:

1. Love Your Brain course content
2. Group coaching and co-working calls
3. Direct support from Mattia

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pawel, a former middle school teacher in an alternative school, lays out how most of our adult problems were ones we first encountered in middle school. From social groups to complex problem solving, they show up again and again in life.

He also talks about how being a high-masking AuDHDer showed up in life.

Books mentioned:

• The Anxious Generation* by Jonathan Haidt
• Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well by Amy Edmondson

*And if you're skeptical of Haidt because of his terrible 2018 book, here's a podcast episode that fact checks and brings nuance to claims in The Anxious Generation: If Books Could Kill episode

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space (Pawel's not sharing social media links but is over here with us)
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Love Your Brain now has three elements you can choose from for more accessibility:

1. Love Your Brain course content
2. Group coaching and co-working calls
3. Direct support from Mattia

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

AuDHD brains face many challenges when it comes to projects. It's something I've put a great deal of time and learning into, both personally and professionally.

This episode covers many ideas and approaches that tend to work for us.

Key Takeaways:

• We usually learn to use what I call the Adrenaline-Anxiety Approach. While effective short-term, it can lead to burnout and other issues.
• A monotropic approach is more sustainable and individualized... and it can feel slow at first.
• Experimentation as a core tool
• Creating just enough structure and safety to get going, without getting bogged down (loose planning)
• Working with the brain states you have
• Managing interruptions, inputs, and daily life
• Finding the balance that works for you

The episode also walks through the Love Your Brain course, designed to help AuDHDers understand their mind-body system, work with brain states, and navigate project challenges. The course emphasizes self-compassion, experimentation, and building processes tailored to individual needs.

Links:

• Devon Price's Laziness Does Not Exist article, and a PDF if you're not on Medium
• The transcript may be especially useful for this episode! (It'll take a few seconds for the link to fully load to this episode)
• Love Your Brain course
• Learn more about Love Your Brain

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Men are not the enemy...

Some thoughts on identity, community, and responsibility.

Big shout-out to Devon Price's new book, Unlearning Shame: How We Can Reject Self-Blame Culture and Reclaim Our Power

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. Love Your Brain course

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"felt vulnerable, may delete later"

Quick story/update and to validate that communication is so hard... and so are transitions!

Full audio direct link for Patreon folks

Transcript doc

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I recently took the laziest vacation I ever have, and it was a revelation.

Also, there are usually so many external factors we're not considering while laying on the couch feeling too "lazy" to do something! There are layers.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. Love Your Brain course

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Quitting can feel amazing, especially when it's a clear self-protection move. And when we haven't waited until it becomes so terrible we have to get out.

But the decision-making process can feel slow!

This episode covers three ways I've decided to quit things:

1. Big emotions / the thing got really bad
2. Math-y pros and cons approach (slow but effective)
3. Getting somatic info from my body

#3 is great... but at the same time, I've done years of building safety around receiving and integrating information from my body! It's not just about the technique itself.

Resources:

1. Mentioned the DEAR MAN skill from DBT
2. Like Your Brain community space
3. Transcript Doc
4. Email Newsletter
5. Love Your Brain course

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Working memory may be a main reason we feel so exhausted... we're doing so many things manually that are habits for non-AuDHD brains.

Using a working memory file as we go can help a lot and massively reduce overwhelm and cognitive fatigue. Cal Newport uses a digital file for this during computer work. I've been using post-it notes so I can carry them around with me.

There are many benefits I talk about in the episode, and the main one for me is being able to track decisions as I go so I don't keep trying to make them over and over!

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. Love Your Brain course

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today I had several moments of autistic joy (sometimes called "glimmers") that were also great examples of mindfulness. But mindfulness in a way that works for my sensory experience!

Reminder that our brains are also quite capable of delight in little things.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There are many reasons we experience loneliness. There's a particular existential loneliness I experience when I feel like it's not possible for anyone to understand me. And much of that emerged from a lifetime of ableism.

Being in AuDHD community has been incredibly healing. Thank you for being here!

Also... as of today we're over 200,000 downloads... thanks for listening!!

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm taking the last two weeks of August off, and will be back in September with a "back to the basics" series about things like diagnosis, what to do when you first discover your AuDHD identity, etc!

In the meantime, you can check out...

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. YouTube: The Longer Road, Mattia guesting on other pods

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bonus drop from The Curiosity Cure podcast:

Today's conversation with Mattia takes us through their journey with chronic pain, feeling better, and the ways they navigate their inner mindbody conversation as someone with AuDHD + PDA. We touch upon themes of neurodivergence, gender transition, resourcing inner + external safety. We chat about using hypnotic techniques to decrease a sense of threat/unsafety that may accompany disorders like ehlers-danlos syndrome and POTS. 

Thanks to Deb for sharing this episode: full show notes here

The show notes link above has many resources about successful healing from related conditions

The Curiosity Cure podcast site

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Almost all of us consider formal diagnosis in our AuDHD discovery journey. Whether it's ADHD-focused for medication, or Autism-focused for validation or accommodations.

Knowing why you want the diagnosis goes a long way in figuring out what to pursue. The main options as I currently see them are:

• full formal neuropsych testing
• provisional diagnosis with a shorter screening test
• a formal letter requesting accommodations from your provider
• self-diagnosis
• community diagnosis

This episode talks about

1. The upsides and downsides of diagnosis in general
2. My personal diagnosis experience (two full rounds of neuropsych testing)
3. Options to approach decision-making for yourself
4. How to get started if you do want diagnosis

Questions from the longer decision-making process in the episode are in the Transcript Doc

Crisis Resources:

• USA-based anonymous crisis chat
• International crisis lines
• Various types of crisis resources in about 10 countries

Monotropism resources:

• Monotropism Questionnaire and more info about it
• Monotropism explained
• Fergus Murray's 6 Starting Points for Understanding Autism
• 034 Monotropism Might Explain Everything with Fergus Murray
• 035 How Much Time Does Creating Take?
• 039 Autism "Levels" and Monotropism

Other Links mentioned:

• Devon Price's post about Autism diagnosis pros n cons
• Throw Away the Masters Tools: Liberating Ourselves From the Pathology Paradigm by Nick Walker

AuDHD Flourishing Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do AuDHDers need (beyond the obvious needs all humans have)? And why do those needs matter?

This episode covers some important ones:

• Being able to engage with our interests (in a particular way)
• Executive Function support, without trying to make the hardest things easy or enjoyable
• Autonomy
• True rest
• The narrow path of just enough stimulation
• Processing time
• To be witnessed in just the right way
• Recognition that our needs vary quite a bit day to day
• Coming to terms with disability
• Space and time throughout our self-discovery journey
• Safe enough spaces to explore what it means to be ourself

Links mentioned:

1. Executive function test post if you want to ask Qs or share your experience
2. Executive Skills Questionnaire Revised (ESQ-R)
3. Unmasking Autism book (affiliate link)

Crisis Resources:

• USA-based anonymous crisis chat
• International crisis lines
• Various types of crisis resources in about 10 countries

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. Love Your Brain course

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What NOT to do in your AuDHD discovery process is just as important as knowing what to do! This episode interweaves nicely with last week's episode about what AuDHDers need.

This is hardly an exhaustive list, but it covers many of the patterns I've seen and heard in the community.

Links mentioned:

• InterGifted: What is Giftedness?
• Autistic Culture Podcast
• Free Office Hours call (p.s. being a free Patreon member is the best way to get updates/reminders about these calls)

Crisis Resources:

• USA-based anonymous crisis chat
• International crisis lines
• Various types of crisis resources in about 10 countries

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is about both why it's so hard to get help as an AuDHDer,

and some of the broad steps I see working for us.

It can help to have a view of your "big ball of yarn" i.e. complex and interrelated problems or life areas.

It can also help to start addressing your sensory needs, core needs, and just live your life while you take a break from big processing.

Please take care and be gentle to yourself!

Links mentioned:

• New course: Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life
• Your Core Self Care Need episode
• The 4 steps I talked about

Crisis Resources:

• USA-based anonymous crisis chat
• International crisis lines
• Various types of crisis resources in about 10 countries

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Weeks and months are staples of scheduling systems. But they tend not to work well for me as units of time.

My personal ideal is two days on, two days off, though that's impractical. Instead, I talk about the various workarounds I've found, including intentionally scheduling rest (and how if I don't have time for that, I need to decrease demands).

If weeks don't work well for you, how can you find what does?

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. New course: Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The autistic / AuDHD self-discovery journey can feel like finding out that you've been hammering screws this whole time. You never learned how to use the right tools. You may not have been given the right tools at all!

A few thoughts on the grief inherent in the process, and how to equip your personal toolbox now that you know what's up.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. New course: Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I failed my first driving test! On a technicality! Ah, the frustrations of begging to exist in structures not built for us.

Three quick stories about bureaucratic bullshit in a single week, and how it fits into my own big ball of yarn.

It's okay that the stuff that's hard for us is probably never going to be fun or easy.

We need support and RESOURCES that work for us! More on finding good resources in the episode... librarians are often a great place to start.

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. New course: Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Zann's artist business is one of the easiest things she's ever done. And it's not even her main passion!

Her deeply relatable history includes ten years of feeling like failure soup. It didn't feel like progress or learning, just failure. But it ultimately led her to figure out what does NOT work.

She shares amazing ideas and practical advice.... this will be a great one to listen to more than once!

Connect with Zann:

1. Paws by Zann website
2. Zann's blog
3. YouTube art tutorials & BTS

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. New course: Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you struggle to figure out what to focus on with bigger goals, you're not alone! Here's one approach I've come up with for my own annual goals in particular. And some thoughts on decision making, since that's part of it.

Wish List for bday (or whenever)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sam Cooper is an AuDHD coach and generally awesome human. When we met in person, we bonded over having worn the wrong size shoes for years, which led to the title of this episode.

Sam shares about building a small business, and the upsides and downsides of a coaching business in particular.

Sensory needs and discovering support tools.

They also have an incredibly compassionate approach to their own journey.

Connect with Sam:

1. Sam's website
2. Sam's Instagram @unconventionalmindsadhd

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. New course: Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Feeling worried about the future? Uncertainty can be especially difficult for Autistic nervous systems.

Today I go into more detail about WHY & HOW safety in the body can be a foundational practice for healing and wellness.

At the end, I share the audio of a practice that is also on YouTube here if you'd like to follow along with visuals.

The questions answered in this episode:

1. What is safety in the body?
2. Why is it so important, and what does it do?
3. What does it feel like?
4. How does it relate to stress?
5. What's my experience of safety been?
6. What are the long-term effects of consistently reinforcing embodied safety?

Mentioned in episode:

• YouTube video showing me doing the embodied practice
• & explanation video + visuals (audio also from this episode)
• Gymba balance board & travel Bosu ball (affiliate links)

Resources:

1. Like Your Brain community space
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thinking seasonally about gratitude in the context of..... everything happening right now.

It's easy for my brain to want to solve every problem in the world.

But I don't want to do the opposite of becoming entirely insular and only focusing on myself.

I've found gratitude to be a way I can be more deeply interconnected (and in my case, add more reasons to want to live).

Mentioned in episode:

1. Ep 25 The Power of Honest Gratitude
2. Ep 72 Feeling Safe in Uncertainty & Chaos
3. Unmasking Autism book by Devon Price (affiliate link)

Resources:

1. Transcript Doc
2. Email Newsletter
3. Like Your Brain community space

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You deserve to survive this. Please stay.

And if staying out of spite helps you, it has gotten me through some tough times.

My Medium article, "Please Stay, We Need You"

Crisis Resources:

• USA-based anonymous crisis chat
• International crisis lines
• Various types of crisis resources in about 10 countries

Resources:

1. Transcript Doc
2. Email Newsletter
3. Like Your Brain community space

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A few ideas for accommodating your brain & needs around gift-giving and the holidays.

Fun fact: Many of us have gone through a big minimalism stage!

Please take care of yourself this season, whether that looks like unmasking or grey rocking ;)

p.s. I have a public wish list and absolutely love practical gifts! It's a fun way to support the podcast :)

Resources:

1. Transcript Doc
2. Email Newsletter
3. Like Your Brain community space

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

AuDHDers often end up partly or fully self-employed. It can be due to desire, or out of necessity.

Either way, this episode covers some tips to think about before starting. It may also be helpful if you've started businesses before and fallen for some bad advice (which I have).

Mentioned in Episode: 

1. The interviews with Zann and Sam about their businesses
2. The book Profit First (ebook & audiobook) - affiliate links
3. Course: Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life

Resources:

1. Transcript Doc
2. Email Newsletter
3. Like Your Brain community space

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you absorbed the cultural idea that you "should" be able to be "present" without sensory aids? Fuuuuuuck that shiiiiit!

Also been playing with sensory seeking (& its opposite) during moments of transition, and it's helping a LOT!

Been considering the earplugs I mention, Loops? They're my fave currently. (Note: if you don't like anything in your ears, you won't like these, either.)

They have some deals right now, and you can support the podcast by using my affiliate link here.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Danielle Aubin is an autistic therapist who works with autistic clients. And also shares about Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) and how it's strangely compatible with capitalism because of its orientation toward achievement.

Other big topic is community building, and how it can be healing even when it's uncomfortable (in the right way).

Relational healing is necessary for relational trauma, whether in the therapeutic relationship, or in a group setting!

Connect with Danielle:

1. Website: myautistictherapist.com
2. TikTok @myautistictherapist
3. Community: Late-Discovered Autistic Support & Learning Group

Resources:

1. Course: Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life
2. Transcript Doc
3. Email Newsletter
4. Like Your Brain community space

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's okay if your sleep and energy vary wildly during the seasons! Or at least... it's okay with me ;)

Obviously there can be real world effects to having a chronotype outside of the 9-5.

But if your body is going to make you rest anyway... may as well enjoy it and get the most out of it, in my opinion!

Resources:

1. Transcript Doc
2. Email Newsletter
3. Like Your Brain community space

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is this the year to give up on neurotypical and ableist nonsense that is causing you harm??

I hope so, for all of us.

There are so many layers to unraveling internalized ableism.

Here's your permission to do that a little more :)

p.s. of course you know I never mean to give up on life ;) If you're in crisis, there are crisis links below <3

Links mentioned in episode:

• Psychology Today article on Relational Trauma: Beyond Adverse Caregiver Experiences
• NeuroLaunch article on Relational Therapy: A Comprehensive Approach to Healing Through Connection
• 7 Signs of Internalized Capitalism by Lindsey Mackereth at Method Creative
• Referral link to Lindsey Mackareth's Neurocomplexity Substack

Crisis Resources:

• USA-based anonymous crisis chat
• International crisis lines
• Various types of crisis resources in about 10 countries
• My Medium article, "Please Stay, We Need You"

Resources:

1. Transcript Doc
2. Email Newsletter
3. Like Your Brain community space

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the follow-up episode to deepen ideas in the interview with Danielle Aubin last week on Autistic Therapy.

Especially focused on this idea of relational trauma, and relational healing that addresses it. In my experience, relational healing ends up being woven throughout all other healing. Or, sometimes it's the "boss battle" to put what I've integrated into practice. Because emotional regulation during conflict with someone you care about is a whole new level!

While I didn't use the words "community model of healing" or "relational healing" when I was starting the Like Your Brain community over a year ago, they were certainly on my mind. More on that in the episode as well.

There are so many layers to relational healing. Wherever you're at with it is totally fine! And there are many ways to approach it.

Animals are also a lovely way to experience relational healing. My first cat cured like 60% of my relational trauma <3

Resources:

1. Transcript Doc
2. Email Newsletter
3. Like Your Brain community space

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week I pushed my body way too far, even though I was having trouble parsing that in the moment. The story is also a great analogy for how other ND internal needs feel (including PDA).

Even with all the info, self-kindness, and support, I still struggle to find that exact line of capacity. It's okay that it's hard to figure out!

This is the perfect and slightly ironic follow-up from last week's episode about giving up on NT/ableist expectations ;)

Mentioned in episode:

• wish list
• Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life
• Comparative Grammar of Spanish, Portuguese, Italian and French (affiliate link)
• Mackareth's Neurocomplexity model (& affiliate link if you want to sign up)

Resources:

1. Transcript Doc
2. Email Newsletter
3. Like Your Brain community space

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.