Alonement (Francesca Specter)

Hello, hello, hello! Welcome to a 3-part miniseries of Alonement produced for Loneliness Awareness Week in collaboration with the Marmalade Trust.

My first guest is Alex Holmes, an author, podcaster and mental health educator. On his podcast, Time To Talk, Alex interviews his guests about mental health, masculinity, identity and emotional education. His book of the same name, Time To Talk: How Men Think About Love, Belonging and Connection, came out earlier this year. Alex reached out to me a couple of months ago on Instagram to say hello, ahead of a panel event we’ll be doing together at a literary festival later this year. Unbeknown to him, I was putting together the line-up for this mini-series – and I jumped at the chance to have him on.

I was so grateful to have this conversation with Alex, who proved so generous in every sense – generous with his time for coming on and generous with his honesty and vulnerability in what he shares. First up, we talk about his own experience of growing up feeling lonely – despite being part of a loving family – and how he came to terms with this. Later on, we discuss how owning your imperfections, far from alienating you, can actually become a force for connection. That’s a lot of other good stuff in there too. But, in a nutshell, have a listen – and I hope you enjoy. 

SOCIALS

You can find Alex on Instagram at @byalexholmes.

As ever, follow Alonement on Instagram @alonementofficial, and follow host Francesca Specter on Twitter @ChezSpecter

You can learn more about the Marmalade Trust and the work they do on Twitter (@marmaladetrust) and Instagram (marmalade_trust)

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode’s guest is Sunday Times bestselling author Cheryl Rickman. Cheryl’s latest book, Navigating Loneliness: How To Connect With Yourself and Others, is an insightful, comprehensive handbook to finding the balance between solitude and loneliness – through cultivating the most meaningful, fulfilling relationships possible with yourself and others. 

Cheryl is a woman after my own heart – as you might suspect from the title of her book, her anti-loneliness toolkit is just as much about time alone as it is time with others. 

This was such a fascinating and refreshing conversation. Cheryl talks inspirationally about the purpose of reframing loneliness, not as something to be scared of or to stigmatise, but actually as a useful evolutionary signal that points us towards making positive changes in our lives. 

Cheryl also shares her personal experience of loneliness – how she learnt to love time alone as an only child, but her relationship with it changed when she lost her mother as a teenager – and she had to develop stronger, more meaningful connections elsewhere.

I’m so grateful for Cheryl’s nuggets of wisdom – and I’m sure you’ll find a lot of practical takeaway in what she has to say. Happy listening! 

SOCIALS

You can find Cheryl on Instagram at @wellbeingauthor and Twitter at @writeruk.

As ever, follow Alonement on Instagram @alonementofficial, and follow host Francesca Specter on Twitter @ChezSpecter

You can learn more about the Marmalade Trust and the work they do on Twitter (@marmaladetrust) and Instagram (marmalade_trust)

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My third and final guest for this miniseries is Rekesh Chauhan, an award-winning British-Indian pianist and composer, who over the pandemic channelled his musical talent into producing two short films to raise awareness around mental and emotional health issues. The second – Feel So Alone – released to coincide with this year's Loneliness Awareness Week, spotlights the effects of loneliness on young people, and signposts the organisations that can offer help. During this conversation, Rekesh and I discuss his work as a musician, the link between being alone and creativity, and how connecting with a passion or purpose can help you reduce feelings of loneliness.

SOCIALS

You can find Rekesh on Instagram at @rekeshchauhan.

As ever, follow Alonement on Instagram @alonementofficial, and follow host Francesca Specter on Twitter @ChezSpecter

You can learn more about the Marmalade Trust and the work they do on Twitter (@marmaladetrust) and Instagram (marmalade_trust)

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’re backkkkkkk, gang! For episode uno of Season 5, I have been GRACED by the presence of comedian/author/generally awesome human Bella Younger. Formerly known as her alter-ego Deliciously Stella (yup, the one taking the p– out of the dodgier side of the wellness industry for years), Bella has officially killed off her one-time alias and written a brand new book to mark it. Our conversation proved equal parts funny and deep – we chat about the dark consequences that becoming an influencer (albeit an accidental, parody one) with 150K followers posed for Bella's mental health; the nature of online versus offline identity; and how to find true, satisfying connection with other people. We also speak about both being natural extroverts who spent a lot of our lives avoiding any time alone as a result, plus why being an influencer was by some distance the loneliest time of Bella’s life. 

Homework:

Bella Younger’s book, The Accidental Influencer, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

We also discuss Meg Mason’s beautiful novel, Sorrow & Bliss.

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@DeliciouslyStella

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, my worker bees! So let's face it, the perfect office probably doesn't exist – but if it did, it would be the brainchild of Alex Soojung Kim Pang, PHD, a Silicon Valley consultant and a futurist who has spent the last two decades researching the nature of people, work and technology. Alex totally transformed how I think about the 'work-life balance' – we spoke about the need to instead create a sense of 'harmony' in your working day, instead (which also takes into account how much solo/social time you need as an individual). He proved a fascinating guest – we chatted about:

• Getting the right balance of social interaction and focussed solitude at work
• The relationship between 'rest' and being alone
• How to find a greater degree of purpose and 'flow' in our working days
• The need to create a distraction-free office environment post-pandemic
• Whether the terms ‘introvert’ and ‘extrovert’ are useful – or not
• Why we need to bring back the communal office lunchtime

& more!

Happy listening.

Alex Soojung-Kim Pang’s book, Rest, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@askpang

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@askpang

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On the show this week I have Lorraine Candy, one of the most influential people on the UK’s magazine industry and formerly editor-in-chief at Cosmopolitan, ELLE & latterly Sunday Times Style. Lorraine is also the host of the Postcards from Midlife podcast, and author of new book, Mum, What’s Wrong With You – a funny, practical manual for anyone raising teenage girls. I found this conversation so refreshing – Lorraine is full of helpful advice about looking after yourself and living your most grounded, authentic life. We discuss: 

• The joys of cold water swimming
• How alone time underpins self-awareness
• The ‘distraction’ problem inherent in the wellness industry
• How tuning in with your individual energy levels can have a game-changing effect on your work output
• The relationship between hormonal changes and mental health
• & much more 

Lorraine Candy's book, 'Mum, What's Wrong With You?': 101 Things Only Mothers of Teenage Girls Know, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@lorrainecandy

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@LorraineCandy

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Emma John is an award winning journalist and author. Her most recent book, Self-Contained, is a memoir which chronicles what it’s like to enter your 40s without having been in a serious long-term relationship. It’s a book that celebrates the fullness of single life – the highs and lows.

Our conversation is an unapologetic, unflinching look at the single experience, with a particular emphasis on how hobbies, interests and platonic relationships, as long as shorter-term romantic ones, can become centre stage – filling the space a relationship might otherwise. 

We also discuss:

• What it means to be ‘self-contained’
• The difficulty of trying to write a narrative as a single woman (Who hasn’t met someone at the end/without a happy ending) - What is my narrative arc- without the happy ending? 
• The one constant in your life is you
• The myth that it’s only OK to be single if you’re living a hedonistic, free lifestyle
• Why solo travel isn’t really solitary – especially if you’re in South Carolina
• Why following your passion can be a brilliant reason for doing things alone
• Why your life starts right now – not when you meet your ‘Other Half’

Emma John’s book, Self Contained, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@em_john

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@emmajohnauthor

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I’m honoured to introduce this week’s guest, Mo Gawdat – an author, speaker, serial entrepreneur, former chief business officer at Google X and one of the most innovative thinkers I’ve ever come across.

‘I only allow my brain two different types of thought: a useful thought, or a joyful thought, or it shuts up’ – this quote from the podcast is typical of Mo’s logical approach to his inner world. While we discuss familiar topics like meditation, journaling and solitude in this topic, Mo’s perspective is particularly refreshing in the sense that he goes back to Square One, and forms an original opinion on each of these practices rather than simply following the approach that others have taken before him. It’s this compelling combination of a sharp engineering mind, combined with childlike curiosity, emotional intelligence and a good deal of humour and wit that makes Mo so special – and I think you’ll know what I mean when you listen to this episode.

Key topics include:

• Mo’s fascinating ‘half-monk’ concept

• The value of ‘being’ as well as ‘doing’

• Why Mo loves to form connections with baristas

• How Mo’s late son Ali inspired his happiness concept

• The dark side of journaling: how it can lead to ruminating on unhelpful thoughts, and what to do to counteract this

Mo Gawdat's latest book, Scary Smart, is available to buy now. His book, Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path To Joy, is also available to buy.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@MGawdat

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@mo_gawdat

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Divorcing your husband, travelling the world alone, getting back together with an ex & having a baby might sound like a lot to go through in a year, but this week's guest, journalist, columnist & author Kate Wills, did it all. In this episode, we discuss her first book, A Trip of One's Own, a solo travel memoir written on the other side of the pandemic about Kate's divorce in her early thirties after less than a year of marriage, the travels she took in the aftermath to escape and find her feet again, and her fairly major life changes since (moving in with her partner and having a baby in lockdown).

Kate writes beautifully about her life and love of solo travel – and her book was amazing for escapism during lockdown!. A quote from this podcast that particularly resonated with me: 'On a solo adventure, you welcome it all: the good and the bad. In everyday life, it’s so easy to avoid your feelings – with distractions, with your phone – but when you're solo travelling, that’s actually how you get the really rich and meaningful experiences: when things go wrong and when you end up really outside your comfort zone.'

In this episode, we also cover:

• What Kate learnt from getting divorced in her early thirties
• Why solo travel changes when you’re newly single
• The myth of the ‘perfect life timeline’
• How Kate & her partner Guy schedule in their alonement
• The unique loneliness of early parenthood

Intrigued? Have a listen!

Homework:

Kate Wills' book, A Trip of One's Own, is available to buy now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@katewills

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@katewillswrites

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week I’m talking to Michael James Wong, the founder of global mindfulness collective Just Breathe. Earlier this year, he launched a brilliant meditation app of the same name. He is committed to bringing mindfulness to people around the world – whether that’s through in-person events which in the past have attracted over 1,000 participants, or through being connected online. He’s also just about the calmest person I’ve ever spoken to. His latest book, Senzaruru: Small Steps and Gentle Wisdom to Heal the World, really speaks to Michael’s ‘less is more’ philosophy. In this conversation we discuss the value of bringing the quiet, stillness and calm of mindfulness to our alone time – even if that’s just 10 minutes a day. We also discuss the idea of ‘inaction skills’ – which is basically a skillset around doing nothing, and just sitting with our thoughts. Enjoy listening – wherever you are – and I hope you reap the benefits of taking this for yourself.

Homework:

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is also out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

You can download Michael’s meditation app, Just Breathe, on iOS and Google Play.

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@michaeljameswong

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can you believe we’ve reached season finale time *already*? No, me neither, to be honest… but we’re out with a bang! Natasha Lunn, the author of Sunday Times bestseller and one of 2021’s most talked-about non-fiction titles, Conversations on Love, is my marvellous final guest for season five of the podcast. 

Natasha’s debut book, Conversations On Love, is inspired by her bimonthly newsletter of the same name. Over the past four years, she’s interviewed leading psychotherapists, writers & thought leaders, from Alain de Botton, Dolly Alderton, Esther Perel and Philippa Perry, on the subject of love, in all its forms.

We discuss, among other things, the relationship between solitude and loving other people; why we shouldn’t make false divisions between ‘single people’ and ‘coupled up people’; the process of ‘enmeshment’ and how it can affect a relationships; how friendships have ‘phases’, just like romantic relationships; myriad forms of loneliness; and so much more.

Natasha is a wise and thoughtful interviewee – and this was a very special conversation to end the season with.

Tata for now, friends. Remember you can always get in touch via Twitter (@ChezSpecter) and Instagram (@ChezSpecter/@alonementofficial) – and of course, if you’ve loved this season, I’d love it if you could leave a review on Apple Podcasts to share what you thought. See you next season!

Natasha’s book, Conversations On Love, is out now.

My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, is out now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Social links:

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@natashalunn

Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@natashachloelunn

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For Radhika Sanghani, author of the brilliant new novel 30 Things I Love About Myself, time alone holds an important significance as the space where she’s learnt the true meaning of self-love. Her book even includes an aspirational, alonement-loving heroine… and what could be better? Appearing as my first guest on this season of the podcast, Radhika brings an infectious, empowering energy and a whole smorgasbord of wise insights, from the relevance of her spirituality for her alone time to how she’s ‘proved herself’ to herself through solo travel: ‘I can tick that off my “being brave” list!’. 

We also discuss: 

• Why talking to yourself gets a bad rep (but is perfectly normal, we hope!)
• How to rewire your inner monologue
• Whether self love is fixed, or requires constant maintenance 
• Dating yourself, and why it matters

Happy listening. With thanks to our sponsor, Flash Pack, a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

You can order Radhika Sanghani’s book, 30 Things I Love About Myself, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@RadhikaSanghani

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Instagram:

@ChezSpecter

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@RadhikaSanghani

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As far as being 'alone' goes, my guest Erling Kagge has experienced the extreme end of the spectrum. The first man to ever complete the Three Poles challenge (that's Mount Everest, the North Pole and the South Pole) on foot, Erling once spent 50 days alone, without radio contact, during his solo South Pole expedition in 1992 – a feat which saw him featured on the cover of Time magazine the following year. While it's impossible not to be awed by Erling's achievements, this podcast has always – at its core – celebrated those more moderate, everyday form of aloneness accessible to us all. Which is why the next part of this famous Polar explorer's career is so fascinating: he went on to write books with beautifully-simple, inclusive titles, Walking: One Step At A Time and Silence: In The Age Of Noise, which offer a guide, based on Erling's unique vantage point, of how we can access the stillness and solitude inside our own minds through simple everyday practices. 'After having travelled to hundreds of countries,' he tells me, 'My interpretation is the universe in your own mind – your body, your soul – is just as mysterious and huge as the universe stretching out to the stars and the planets'.

We discuss, among other things:

• Why Erling found living in London lonelier than 50 days & nights alone in the South Pole
• How being a Polar explorer can affect your relationships
• The relationship between time alone and fulfilling your life's potential
• How being close to nature helps you to be present

You can order Erling Kagge's book, Silence In The Age Of Noise, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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Instagram:

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@ChezSpecter

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

She’s famous for her 60-second videos, yet I was lucky enough to have a full 60 MINUTES interviewing this week’s guest, the wonderful Dr Julie Smith. She’s the clinical psychologist, online educator and ‘TikTok therapist’ who has been looking after the emotional health of her 3 and a half million (!) followers over the past three years through her light-hearted yet information-filled videos, which break down complex psychological concepts with the help of dance, handy props and lip-syncing. Yup, you can learn and have fun, kids! Once I'd stopped shamelessly gushing over Julie – oh you bet I cut that bit out – we had a fabulous discussion about everything from creating an actual IRL self-soothing box (which I will immediately be off to do after uploading this episode) to the emotional education that comes from watching Jim Carrey films. 

You can order Dr Julie Smith's book, Why Has No One Told Me This Before?, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

@Dr_Julie_Smith

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Instagram:

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@ChezSpecter

@drjulie

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest this week, Oliver Burkeman, may be many things – but he's not a productivity expert. Thankfully, the former Guardian columnist rejects both the societal obsession with productivity hacking and the idea of being an expert (he'd much prefer to be regarded as a work in progress tackling the problems he personally struggles with through his work, he tells me on this episode). While Oliver makes no lofty claims about his wisdom, I'm going to do it for him. The bestselling author of Four Thousand Weeks – a provocative title when you find out it refers to the average human lifespan – and other personal development books such as Addicted To Busy is a soothing balm to anyone who finds themselves chronically trying to do everything, and feeling inadequate in the process. During this episode, we discuss the value of taking time for yourself within a busy, people-focused life; the unexpected overlap between an obsession with productivity and spending time alone; and we also talk about why coworking spaces are the absolute best for alone togetherness.

You can order Oliver Burkeman's book, Four Thousand Weeks, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

@OliverBurkeman

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Instagram:

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@ChezSpecter

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s guest is author and journalist Angelica Malin, who recently published Unattached: Empowering Essays on Singlehood, a curated anthology of 30 writers (including me!) exploring the experience of being single, which was published by Square Peg earlier this year. Angelica, or Jelly as I know her, just so happens to be one of my closest friends. During our conversation, we discuss how our close friendship (and having other ‘single’ friends) is one of the most important factors in navigating a happy, ‘unattached’ lifestyle – from being each other’s plus-ones at parties to empowering one another to take solo trips to Santorini (you’re going to love Angelica’s account of hers). Angelica also shares how the breakdown of a five-year-long relationship at the beginning of the pandemic led to her creating a community of single women through her work, after deciding she – and others – shouldn’t have to navigate this lifestyle in isolation. This is an intimate conversation between close friends, and I'm so happy that, through the beauty of podcasting, you can be part of it.

You can order Angelica Malin's book, Unattached: Empowering Essays on SInglehood, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week's guest is Isy Suttie! The comedian, author and actor best known (among Peep Show fanatics) for playing the character of Dobby on the hit British sitcom. We discuss Isy Suttie's debut novel, Jane Is Trying, together with her stand-up comedy career and relationship with fellow comedian (and alone time fan, by the sounds of things!) Elis James. What follows is a gorgeous chat about the value of integrating alone time into your professional and family life, in order to live and create meaningfully. My Peep Show obsession is now in fierce competition with my adoration for the lovely, warm & wise soul that is Isy Suttie. I also have 100x more respect for the sheer craftsmanship and art form of comedy, a career which makes Isy’s other lines of work (you know, casually writing a book and acting in an award-winning TV series) sound like a breeze, comparatively. Anyway, happy listening – Isy is a joy.

You can order Isy Suttie’s book, Jane Is Trying, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

@IsySuttie

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Instagram:

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@ChezSpecter

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Become the author of your own story – that's the promise from this week's guest, Roxie Nafousi, a self-development coach and bestselling author of Manifest: 7 Steps To Living Your Best Life, who champions the power of manifesting to bring about positive transformation in your life. Manifesting is a deceivingly simple concept; in a nutshell, it means changing your thought patterns in order to bring about positive change in your life and meet your goals. But it requires not just thought, but action – explains Roxie, who talks me through the power of solo practices like journaling, vision boarding and meditating in order to think hard about what you want from your career, relationships and creative life. This definitely convinced me of the merits of the practice, which some have written off as woo-woo or unrealistic but, actually, is firmly grounded in practical, realistic steps and intentionality. Plus, yes, quality alonement – which, yes I'm biased, but I maintain is the unifying force behind most modern day personal development practice. Anyway, have a listen, let me know what you thought, and I'll be back next week with a shiny new episode.

You can order Roxie Nafousi’s book, Manifest, now from Amazon and Waterstones. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

Twitter:

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My very special guest this week is Emma Gannon, host of the Ctrl Alt Delete podcast, one of my absolute favourite shows and the first I ever listened to. Now a prolific author of both fiction and non-fiction, Emma is a true career inspiration – and well as an example of how to live a varied, creative life. Her latest book is Disconnected: How To Stay Human In An Online World, a practical guide to finding connection and community both online and off – in a nutshell, how to make our internet with the digital world that little bit better. As someone whose online brand is so established she was once described as ‘Miss Internet’ by Emma Barnett on Woman’s Hour, Emma is a true authority on how to approach our internet age in a more rewarding way – and I loved her suggestion that true connection begins not with other people, but with a deeper fundamental connection to ourselves first. Tune in to hear our conversation, which is jam packed with insights about everything from choosing a child-free life to Emma’s top tips for solo weekends away (my favourite? Pack your comfiest slippers!). 

You can order Emma Gannon’s latest book, (Dis)connected: How To Stay Human In An Online World, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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This week, I have something very special for you – it’s the first ever live recording of Alonement, which was recorded in front of an audience at Kings Place in London. In what was a fairly ambitious move, I decided to record not one but two episodes back to back – which I’ll be releasing this week and next. The first guest to join me on stage was Olivia Petter, the author of Millennial Love, a brilliant memoir and social commentary on the modern dating landscape. She’s also the host of a podcast of the same name, which I’ve been lucky enough to be a guest on in the past. Oh, and your ears do not deceive you, that really is a gospel choir singing faintly at the beginning due to a slight timings clash at the concert hall – bear with us, it only goes on for the first 90 seconds. Let’s just call it divine intervention. 

During this episode, we discuss everything from the how-tos and how-nots of bringing solitude to your relationship to the frankly bizarre terms used to describe dating in online dating ('Cuffing'? 'Breadcrumbing?' We're exhausted!). This was a lively and, well, live conversation, and I hope you enjoy it as much as we (and the audience) did.

You can order Olivia Petter’s book, Millennial Love, now from Amazon and Waterstones.   

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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Welcome to the tenth and final episode of season 6. This week’s episode is the second of two live recordings I did back to back at Kings Place in London – which was recorded in front of an audience. My guest is Abigail Bergstrom, the literary agent behind some of the biggest bestselling books in the past few years. More recently, at the beginning of this year, Abigail published her own debut novel, titled What A Shame. It is a beautifully-written story which explores everything from heartbreak and healing to the occult. I can testify to loving Abigail’s book so much I read the whole thing in one sitting, over the course of an evening. During our conversation, we discussed among other things the importance of turning up as your ‘best self’ for alonement (i.e not completely hungover or tired – because you wouldn’t turn up like that for a date!); the role that alone time plays in emotional healing; plus, why despite being a lover of solitude Abigail will never be taking herself off to a cabin in the woods – and feels a little bit miffed when her boyfriend goes for solo breaks in a log cabin. I hope you enjoy listening. 

You can order Abigail Bergstrom’s book, What a Shame, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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@ChezSpecter

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@abigailbergstrom

Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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Iona Bain is a personal finance expert who appears regularly on BBC Morning Live and writes a weekly column for the i Paper. She’s written two books, her second is Own It – a millennial guide to investing. On a personal level, she’s also recently made the big step of buying her first flat as a solo   buyer – a process she described to me in an email as a ‘learning curve’. In this episode, we discuss questions around solo finance – including the cost of living alone and the dreaded ‘single’ supplement’ – which, as many of you will know, is the additional cost often associated with doing things solo, from getting a hotel room to buying food in the supermarket. So many of you had specific questions you wanted me to ask Iona, so in the second half of this episode I’ll be bringing out some crowd-sourced audience questions.

We discuss, among other things:

• How Iona went from a musician who stored cash from gigs in a piggy bank, to a leading money expert.
• Iona's journey to buying her own place alone (and why she's transparent about having had help)
• Why our relationship with money is about more than just numbers – there's emotion involved, too
• The Single Supplement and how to navigate it
• How learning to spend time alone can help us not only save, but also spend on what matters to us

You can order Iona Bain's latest book, Own It, now from Bookshop.org. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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Welcome to ‘Me Time’, Alonement’s new, weekly series of 10-minute mini episodes from the archives. We’ll be showcasing the very best wisdom from some of our favourite former guests, in bitesize episodes designed for those smaller pockets of Alonement that you get throughout your day.          

I'm kicking off with a slice of Alonement history: an excerpt from the episode with philosopher, author & School of Life founder Alain de Botton, originally recorded in November 2019. It was actually the first ever episode I recorded of this podcast, and one of the few I got to record in person ahead of the pandemic – at Alain’s office in north London. This recording happened at a time where I was still shaping my own understanding of alonement, and why it matters. Alain was challenging, in a way that proved invaluable. There’s no instant magic in taking time alone, he argued. Long periods of time alone won’t lead to self-knowledge, just like that. Essentially, we need to think about what we’re doing in that alone time, and make sure we’re spending that time in a conscious way - in order to make it ALONEMENT. In this clip, he takes us through a practical exercise we can do when we’re alone: an exercise that involves asking ourselves hard questions about our relationships, our career, and our friends – in order to work out who we are, and what we want; to tune into our intuition, rather than let our major life decisions be dictated by external influences. 

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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I’m delighted to welcome Sunday Times bestselling author Owen O’Kane on to the show this week. Previously an NHS Clinical Lead for mental health, Owen is now a psychotherapist and bestselling author. His books have all sorts of intriguing names, like Ten Times Happier and Ten To Zen. But when I saw the title of his latest book, How To Be Your Own Therapist, my ears pricked up. This is a podcast about alone time and how to make it better – and given that therapy is something which many of us consider valuable, but remains expensive and inaccessible to many, I thought that self-therapy, as Owen describes it, sounds like a brilliant use of your alone time. In this episode, he reveals some of the practical wisdom he shares in his latest book – plus, a little more about his own background, and what led him on the his career path, plus how he likes to spend his alone time.

We discuss, among other things:

• How to stop living on autopilot and tune into the emotions driving your behaviour
• Owen’s practical, daily tips to administer ‘self-therapy’
• Owen shares the biggest indication, for him, that he needs some time alone
• We discover Owen’s background, and what led him to pursue this career
• How alone time helps therapists recover from the emotional toll of their job

You can order Owen O Kane's latest book, How To Be Your Own Therapist, now from Bookshop.org. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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As Florence Given tops the fiction bestseller charts with her debut novel, Girlcrush, I decided now would be a brilliant time to revisit this episode – first released in July 2020, after the release of her non-fiction book, Women Don't Owe You Pretty. In this clip, the writer, illustrator & podcast host shares how she learnt a crucial lesson about alone time at the age of 14, when she was 'ousted' from her school clique.

If you'd like to learn more about Florence, her books are available on Amazon, while you can also listen to her hugely successful podcast, Exactly. With Florence Given on all good podcast platforms.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

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Described by close friend Bear Grylls as ‘stronger than 99% of the men I know’, Megan Hine is a survival expert and TV presenter who works on and off camera to make some of the most extreme adventure shows on television happen. She also holds a degree in psychology – just another string to her already-very-loaded bow. I managed to catch Megan during one of the rare occasions she wasn’t on location for her day job, wrestling tigers, escaping tribal warfare or climbing a mountain (I’m not even exaggerating…). During this podcast interview, she chats to me via Zoom from her home in Wales – with the gorgeous sound of birdsong and clucking chickens.

We discuss, among other things:

• Megan’s incredible, self-designed career as a survival expert – and how it began with her taking solo mountain expeditions at the tender age of nine
• Being a ‘survivalist’ – and how we can apply those skills to our everyday lives
• Why taking a ‘pause’ is an essential survival skill 
• What happened when Megan experienced burn-out
• What ‘going bushy’ means – and how it applies to lockdown

You can learn more about Megan Hine on her website, Meganhine.com. 

You can order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week’s guest is Phoebe Fox, aka Marial from The Great, who acts alongside Elle Fanning and Nicholas Hoult in Hulu’s deliciously irreverent ‘anti-historical’ comedy-drama. I interviewed Phoebe, a RADA-trained actor who's been nominated both an Olivier and a SAG, earlier this year for GLAMOUR magazine, and I enjoyed our conversation so much that I begged her to come on the podcast so we could continue it. 

We discuss, among other things:

• The ‘grounding’ that helps Phoebe step out of her character after a long day of performing
• How Phoebe and her fellow actor husband Kyle Soller have navigated living away from each other during long filming schedules
• Why it’s important to define your own idea of success
• Phoebe’s discovery of meditation during lockdown

You can watch The Great now on Channel 4. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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For this week's mini-episode, I'm revisiting my conversation with Dr Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist turned bestselling author known better by her Instagram handle, Dr Julie, or simply as that therapist off TikTok. In this clip, we take a deep dive into what it means to journal well. Of course, we see a lot on Instagram about journalling, but as inspiring as that can sometimes be, I wanted to go deeper than picture-perfect stationery. Dr Julie, in this ten-minute clip, goes to the core of what journalling does to our brain – and how it serves as a unique tool to help us process emotions, through helping us put names to our emotions and through reducing rumination. She also offers alternative to journalling for those who, whatever reason, don't get on well with it.

You can order Dr Julie Smith's book, Why Has No One Told Me This Before?, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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Mo Gawdat, bestselling author, podcaster & former chief business officer of Google X, is the star of this week's minisode, taken from our conversation first recorded in September 2021. In this clip from the archives, Mo shares his unique advice for learning to be alone comfortably with our thoughts, ie the gold standard of alonement. With a background in engineering, Mo is one of the most original thinkers I've ever met – and I hope you can be inspired by this cherry-picked snippet of wisdom from our episode together.

Mo Gawdat's latest book, That Little Voice In Your Head, is available to buy now.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

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As political protests go, a four-year vow of celibacy is on the extreme side. And that’s what this week’s guest, British-American film director & writer Emma Forrest, decided to do following her divorce from actor Ben Mendelsohn, a period of her life which coincided with Donald Trump serving as the 45th US President from 2017 to 2021. ‘Looking at him makes me not want to have sex,’ Emma reasoned – devoting herself to single parenting, finding joy in solitude, relocating from sunny LA to not-so-sunny London  – and writing a memoir, Busy Being Free: A Lifelong Romantic Is Seduced By Solitude, about all of the above.  

In this episode, we discuss:

• How, as a single parent, Emma has instilled an appreciation for healthy solitude in her daughter
• What it takes to have a ‘good divorce’
• How celibacy helped cure Emma of her ‘addiction’ to romance
• Why Emma’s ultimate sexual fantasy begins with a day of uninterrupted writing
• The joy of leaving a bad movie mid-way through

You can order Emma Forrest’s book, Busy Being Free: A Lifelong Romantic is Seduced by Solitude, now on Bookshop.org

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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Talk about an alonement icon – radio DJ & broadcaster Vick Hope is a woman who radiates everything this podcast is about, as a sunny, ambitious, beautiful soul with an infectious passion for life, or as she puts it 'a gratitude for being alive'. This episode was recorded in September 2020, and in the full episode Vick talks about living alone, being single and building a relationship with herself after a one-time fear of time by herself. While no longer single (Vick is rumoured to be engaged to Calvin Harris), this is a universal message of what it means to celebrate your aloneness as a unique individual – regardless of your life stage stage or romantic relationship status. Listening back to this gives me chills, and I hope it resonates with you in a similar way. Another reason this one is close to my heart: the full-length of this episode was recently nominated for an award at the Skylark International Women's Podcast Awards, ceremony to come – the award is appropriately titled 'Moment of Insight From a Role Model'.

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @vicknhope

Instagram: @ChezSpecter @vickhope

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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Ever wondered about the relationship between sleep and ‘alone time’? That’s the topic of this week’s episode with Dr Kat Lederle, a sleep scientist and chronobiologist (read: ‘body clock scientist’). I don’t know about you, but as someone who occasionally sits up for hours in the early morning with insomnia, I’d never considered how a lack of ‘me-time’ in the day might turn into a sleepless night… this conversation truly opened my eyes, and gave a fresh view on why quality alone time is just so important, not only for our waking hours but for our sleeping ones too. 

We discuss, among other things:

• How a lack of ‘me-time’ can lead to sleeplessness and insomnia
• Why the best bedtime routines actually begin in the day
• Whether or not it’s a good idea to journal before bedtime
• The value of taking ‘mini-breaks’ throughout the day

You can learn more about Dr Kat Lederle and the Somnia sleep clinic on the Somnia.org.uk website.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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Journalist and novelist Sophia Money-Coutts is the star of this week’s mini-episode, first released in a longer form in August 2020. In this clip, we discuss a really important, timely topic of egg-freezing – undoubtedly one of the most important advances in fertility medicine like, ever. Sophia is wonderfully honest about her decision to freeze her eggs in her thirties, and discusses the ups and downs of going through the process as a single woman.

You can order Sophia Money-Coutts' latest novel, Did You Miss Me, now at Bookshop.org.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

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@sophiamcoutts

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With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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In this week’s episode, I interview poet, BBC radio presenter and author Salma El-Wardany. Salma’s debut novel, These Impossible Things, has been a breakout international hit. It’s a novel about three British Muslim women whose close friendship falls apart one devastating night, and covers the themes of platonic bonds, identity and growing up. 

We discuss, among other things:

• Salma’s experience of heartbreak and rediscovering herself afterwards
• How to maintain independence in a romantic relationship
• The tension behind growing up in a community-based religion like Islam, and learning to advocate for one’s alone time
• How Salma’s mother inspired her love of alonement

You can order Salma El-Wardany’'s debut novel, These Impossible Things, now from Bookshop.org. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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@writtenbysalma

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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Erling Kagge, one of the greatest living polar explorers – and the first in history to reach the 'three poles' – is the guest that we hear from in this week’s mini episode, taken from our longer conversation released in February 2022. Speaking to me from his home in Norway, Erling shares touchingly in this clip how the time he spent living in London in early adulthood was more lonely than the period he spent 50 days and 50 nights alone traversing the South Pole. Our conversation is a reflection on what it truly means to experience alonement; to be lonely; and everything in between.

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With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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This week I have the absolute pleasure of speaking to one of my favourite authors, Holly Bourne. After beginning her novel-writing career in the young adult genre, Holly has released three brilliant titles for adults over the past few years, which are full of wise reflections on relationships, navigating social pressure and recovering from trauma. She’s influenced, in part, by the five years she spent working as an online agony aunt for a youth charity, specialising in relationships and mental health, and her present role as the youth ambassador for Women’s Aid. Her honest, empathetic writing has made me, and so many other that I know, feel less alone – saying that, I can’t wait to see what she has to say about alone time, and what it means to her.

We discuss, among other things:

• Why her heroines' 'happy endings' always involve them finding a greater degree of love for themselves
• How Holly learnt to enjoy taking herself out for dinner
• How female friendship can offer a 'safe space' away from the male gaze
• The challenge of adjusting to a new relationship after being happily-single for a period

You can order Holly's latest book, Girlfriends, now on Bookshop.org.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Another week, another bitesize mini-episode from Alonement archives. This conversation with journalist and author Daisy Buchanan comes from the first season of Alonement, recorded in person at my flat in November 2019. Before pivoting towards writing books, Daisy worked as an agony aunt for Grazia magazine, answering reader questions around everything from work to relationships. We discuss the philosophy underlying all of her advice: that, actually, her role was to empower people to recognise their own capacity for self-knowledge, and to, in the least woo-woo way possible, realise that they had the answers within them. As ever, Daisy is kind, soothing and wise in this clip - I hope you enjoy listening.

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @NotRollerGirl

Instagram: @ChezSpecter @alonementofficial @thedaisybee

Get in touch: press@alonement.com

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This week my interviewee is radio and TV presenter Nihal Arthanayake. While I’ll be asking the questions today, Nihal is most used to playing the other role, having interviewed countless household names, including Minnie Driver, Ricky Gervais & Benedict Cumberbatch on his regular BBC 5 Live show. He’s recently written a book, Let’s Talk: How To Have Better Conversations - based on what he’s learnt through his job, which we’ll be discussing as part of this episode. 

We discuss, among other things:

• How the David Lloyd became Nihal's creative haven when he was writing his book
• Nihal's love of long, solitary drives
• The value of taking time to do nothing
• 'Quiet quitting'
• How male loneliness comes around – and why we need to talk more about it
• The complicated business of male friendships

You can order Nihal's latest book, Let's Talk: How to Have Better Conversations, now from Bookshop.org. 

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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@TherealNihal

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Contact: press@alonement.com

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In this clip, we hear from psychologist and Instagram sensation Dr Emma Hepburn – with one of my favourite pieces of wisdom from our original recording, released in April 2021.

Emma Hepburn’s book, A Toolkit For Modern Life, discussed in this episode, is available to order now.

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My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone & Absolutely Own It, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

Instagram: @chezspecter @thepsychologymum

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @@EmmaNeuropsych

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Season 7 finale! How did that happen?! We are, however, going out with a bang... This week, I have the pleasure of chatting to friendship expert & psychologist Dr Marisa G. Franco, whose new book Platonic: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends combines two of the most zeitgeist-y lifestyle topics of the moment: attachment theory and the value of friendship. After interviewing Marisa, I was actually invited to provide the cover endorsement (!) for the UK edition, which I couldn’t have been more honoured to do. Here’s what I said about it: ‘Relationships take work. We’ve always accepted that romantically – but, curiously, rarely do we apply the same adage to friendship. Marisa G. Franco’s Platonic is the book that changes that. It not only champions the essentiality of friendship for a happy life and gives a generous reflection of the author’s own experience, it also gives you the toolkit for deepening existing friendships and making new ones. This is all done through the fascinating lens of attachment theory, once again something you may have applied to your romantic relationships but likely never before to your friendships. This is a timely, unique guide to approaching friendship, often the profoundest source of connection in your life, with the love (and self-reflection) it deserves.’

In this episode, recorded just before the book release, we discuss:

• What ‘attachment theory’ actually means, in – as Dr Marisa G Franco put it – ‘a rather big nutshell’
• How secure friendships underpin your ability to feel ‘safe’ when in your own company
• The value of showing vulnerability in your friendships
• The challenges we face when making (and keeping) friends in adulthood
• Practical advice to nurture healthy friendships 

You can order Dr Marisa G. Franco’s book, Platonic: How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends, now on Bookshop.org

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon, Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to Flash Pack for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Flash Pack is a travel company that offers boutique group adventures for solo travellers in their 30s and 40s. Visit flashpack.com/alonement to learn more and quote ALONEMENT at check-out for £100 off your first trip.

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@ChezSpecter

@DrMarisaGFranco

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@ChezSpecter

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This clip is taken from my guest interview with former Blue Peter presenter Konnie Huq, first released in August 2020. Konnie speaks about the sustaining power of having 'anchors' – close friends and family whom you know are at the end of the phone – and how this prevents loneliness, even when you are alone.

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @Konnie_Huq

Instagram: @chezspecter

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Hello Alonement listeners! So, a quick announcement to share that I've just launched a new project called The Shoulds. The Shoulds is an online Substack publication and community space that explores the hidden rules and stories that shape our lives. In many ways, this newsletter will be just like this podcast covering a lots of similar topics around psychology, authentic living, and relationships. But also it will be a space for us to have two-way conversations and get to know each other a little bit better. I would love to see as many of you possible over there at Substack. To follow, just type francescaspecter.substack.com into your web browser and enter your email address to receive updates directly to your inbox.

You can also follow me on Twitter and on Instagram – @ChezSpecter.

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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The Alonement podcast is back! And for the first episode of this season, I’m speaking to one of the most-requested guests since the show began: Susan Cain. Susan is the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, a book which spent eight years on the New York bestseller list after its publication in 2012. The book was inspired by her former career as a Wall Street lawyer, a profession where she came face-to-face with what she identified as a Western bias towards extroversion in the workplace. In Quiet, she celebrates the traits of introverted people, including their capacity for reflection and solitude. In April 2022, Susan published Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole, which is an exploration of how embracing life’s sadness, as well as its positive moments, can be the pathway to a greater appreciation of beauty and wonder.

We discuss, among other things:

• How Susan navigates busy publicity cycles as an introvert [4:49]
• Free trait theory [10:03]
• The ‘Alone togetherness’ of spaces like Starbucks, co-working spaces & family homes [14:28]
• Why Susan Cain’s unpublished memoir was called ‘Freefall’  [23:21]
• Why the act of being creative is inherently bittersweet [25:05]
• The relationship between alone time, religion and spirituality [29:08]
• Susan’s critique of positive psychology [31:32]
• Why Susan is a ‘happy melancholic’ [33:15]
• A different look at romantic obsession – and how it can help us learn more about our deeper internal desires [34:16]
• Should introverts only date extroverts – and vice versa? [39:16]

Cultural references from our conversation:

• ‘Only connect’, the epigraph to EM Forster’s Howard’s End
• Ryan Little’s ‘Free Trait Theory’
• The film Splendour in the Grass
• The ‘Bittersweet’ playlist created to accompany Susan’s latest book
• The discipline of positive psychology, founded by Martin Seligman
• The Myers Briggs personality test

You can purchase all of Susan Cain’s books, including Quiet and Bittersweet, on susancain.net/books.

Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Their bestselling Dead Sea bath salt range is a skin hero, containing a unique blend of magnesium, calcium and potassium, which is brilliant for protecting and repairing your skin barrier and managing conditions like eczema, psoriasis, acne and sensitive skin. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions,T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.

Social links: @ChezSpecter on Instagram & Twitter, while Susan is @susancain on Twitter and @susancainauthor on Instagram.

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week's guest on the podcast is the poet Amy Key. We're here to discuss her first work of prose, Arrangements in Blue: Notes on Love and Making a Life, which is a memoir inspired by the work of Amy's beloved musical icon, Joni Mitchell. Aged 44. Amy has been single for 22 years. Her book challenges us to consider the claim that life can both be wonderful in the absence of romantic love – and that it is yet still valid to want it nevertheless. Described by The Guardian as a ‘cathartic meditation on singledom’, Arrangements in Blue is a book that reflects on the universal question of what makes a life rich and whole, in a way that resonates regardless of your relationship status. It is also a nuanced discussion of different kinds of alonement, from the luxury of living alone (it's worth mentioning. Amy speaks to me from her flat in London, where the walls are painted a gorgeous shade of pink, and there's a piano and her books in the backdrop) to the highs and lows of solo travel. 

We discuss, among other things:

• Why ‘alone’, for Amy, means ‘attunement’ [4:25]
• What was behind Amy’s decision to theme her book around Joni Mitchell’s ‘Blue’ album [8:15]
• The challenge of living life on a different timeline to your peers [13:34]
• What people in long-term relationships could learn from Amy’s account of long-term singledom [16:34]
• Do single people face discrimination? [23:55]
• The contagious joy of holidaying alone [26:59]
• Practising self-care and personal boundaries as a single person [34:08]
• Amy’s platonic relationship with her mentor, the late poet Roddy Lumsden [38:30]
• Why Amy's asking for more, not less, from her dating life [44:46]

You can purchase Arrangements in Blue now at all good bookshops. 

Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Their bestselling Dead Sea bath salt range is a skin hero, containing a unique blend of magnesium, calcium and potassium, which is brilliant for protecting and repairing your skin barrier and managing conditions like eczema, psoriasis, acne and sensitive skin. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions,T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.

Twitter:

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@msamykey

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@msamykey

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This week’s guest is Dr Nicole LePera, whom you might be more familiar with as the Holistic Psychologist – the handle of her somewhat insanely popular Instagram account. She’s also the author of multiple books, including her New York bestseller How To Do The Work, and her latest title, a workbook called How To Meet Your Self. With fans including Elizabeth Day, Dr Rangan Chatterjee and Mel Robbins, Nicole’s popularity is justified – with her succinct but hard-hitting social media posts bringing therapeutic insight out of the expensive and often inaccessible clinical space and in front of the 9 million people who follow her on social media. 

We discuss, among other things:

• The practical challenge of alone time when you’re in a throuple, or three-person relationship, as Nicole is [5:40]
• How Nicole developed a fearful relationship with being alone in childhood [8:10]
• How your body can go into a ‘threat state’ when you’re alone [10:45]
• Nicole’s experience of struggling with being physically alone in her early twenties [15:05]
• How to practically teach yourself to cope better with alone time through Nicole’s five-minute exercise[18:16]
• Can you learn to be alone through therapy? [20:51]
• How to avoid the addictive trap of ‘self-help’ [26:51]
• Why Nicole is passionate about mental health advice being widely accessible via social media [33:31]
• Practical advice for engaging with self-help content sensibly [37:08]
• Why Nicole’s favourite alone time involves nudity (not like that!] [41:18]

You can find links to Dr Nicole Lepera’s latest workbook on howtomeetyourself.com. Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions,T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.

Twitter:

@ChezSpecter @theholisticpsych

Instagram:

@ChezSpecter @the.holistic.psychologist

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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This week's guest is Adam Gopnik, a long-standing staff writer at the New Yorker, and the award-winning author of a frankly intimidating number of books, most recently The Real Work: On the Mystery of Mastery, which explores the process of learning a new skill. And then there was his recent Hollywood debut – those who’ve seen Oscar-winning film Tar might have also spotted Adam playing himself, as an interviewer, alongside Cate Blanchett in the film’s opening scene. Today, we’re talking about solitude – and how it’s played out in Adam’s writing career and life more broadly. As a true New Yorker, Adam tells me how his version of alone time manages to integrate a great deal of companionship too, from his love of working amid the hustle & bustle of others in his office days to the more collaborative strands of his career, including writing for musical theatre. Alone time, for Adam, is best spent pacing around a crowded city listening to what he still still refers to as a walkman – alone in a crowd. He also shares with me how his childhood, growing up as one of six in a crowded noisy house, has shaped his love of being around others in modern life. Finally, we discuss the beauty of solitude as depicted by the art of Edward Hopper – which Adam and I share a love for.

We discuss:

• How Adam’s upbringing primed him to feel most comfortable around the noise of others [4:34]
• His love of walking alone around a city [7:08]
• Adam’s lifelong struggle with insomnia – and how he treats it [10:38]
• Writing routines, and approaching writing like a ‘physical challenge’ [16:30]
• Edward Hopper’s depiction of solitude [26:04]
• The art of ‘social solitude’ in New York [31:34]

References from our conversation:

• Adam Gopnik's 'walkman' playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1oe0WuKABmBtL576sGgW64?si=c45849d6d4a94cef
• The Edward Hopper exhibition at The Whitney, New York
• ‘What sin to me unknown dipp’d in ink’, from Alexander Pope’s Epistle to Dr Arbuthnot
• The Monologue Art Museum

You can purchase all of Adam Gopnik’s books, including The Real Work, at adamgopnik.com/books.

Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow her personal writing plus podcast bonus content. You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, based on this podcast, from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org. Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions, T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

My guest for this week’s episode is podcaster and author Caggie Dunlop, whom you might also recognise as a former cast member on the rather well known reality show called Made in Chelsea. Caggie has since reached a whole different audience. Her show Saturn Returns – which explores the coming of age happens somewhere around your late twenties and early thirties – has united a community as they navigate the shared challenges and opportunities that come with this age. I discovered the show last year – unsurprisingly, just as I was coming into this life stage – and was lucky enough to be Caggie’s guest on an episode released this May. Afterwards, Caggie generously agreed to come on and talk all things alone time with me – together with discussing her debut book, a memoir meets guidebook co-written with astrology expert Noura Bourni. In this episode, we talk about everything from the loneliness that Caggie faced when she pursed her singing career in LA, to, on the more positive side, how to navigate the vulnerable early stages of a blossoming relationship in a healthy way. I also ask Caggie how solo holidays work out when you’re a recognisable former reality TV star. 

We discuss, among other things:

• Why Caggie describes herself as ‘a bit of a recluse’ [4:45]
• Independence vs. codependency in a romantic relationship [7:25]
• Why alone time was a ‘sanctuary’ for Caggie, growing up [10:10]
• The definition of ‘Saturn Return’ [19:19]
• How Caggie’s own ‘Saturn Return’ let to a career pivot [25:31]
• The power of the ‘slow burn’ when entering a relationship [32:09]
• Navigating anxious attachment [35:52]
• Caggie’s recent solo mini break [39:40]

You can purchase Caggie’s book, Saturn Returns, now – while her podcast of the same name is available to listen to wherever you get your podcast.

Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions,T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

@caggie_dunlop

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@ChezSpecter

@caggiesworld

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This week’s guest is author Naoise Dolan. I am absolutely thrilled to have Naoise on this season – she’s widely consider of the millennial generation’s most talented writers, ever since her Sunday Times bestseller debut novel Exciting Times was published in 2020. It’s currently being adapted into an Amazon Studios TV production starring Phoebe Dynevor. We’re here to discuss her hotly anticipated follow up book, The Happy Couple, which is a sort of anti-rom counting down to the wedding of a boy and girl who probably shouldn’t get married. During this recording, we chat about Naoise’s experiences of being an expat in Berlin – where she’s lived less than a year. Fans of Naoise, who is originally from Dublin, will know that she is no stranger to the experience of living abroad – her first book, Exciting Times, was heavily inspired by her own expat experience living in Hong Kong, while she’s also lived in Singapore and Italy. From an alone time perspective, this is an interesting position to be in – and Naoise describes how this sense of being a foreigner has enabled some of the incredibly perceptive social observation in her writing. We also discuss Naoise’s autism diagnosis, and how it might or might not reflect itself in her writing – plus, whether framing writing as ‘neurodivergent’ is useful in the first place. I found Naoise incredibly thoughtful and intelligent – she has a dark sense of humour, which I really appreciate, and she has one of the best laughs I’ve ever heard on this podcast. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. 

We discuss, among other things:

• Naoise’s decision to relocate to Berlin [4:56]
• Navigating cultural differences as an autistic person [9:01]
• Why Naoise structured her book around a wedding narrative [19:25]
• Main character syndrome, in relation to Naoise’s protagonist Celine [24:08]
• Naoise’s characters’ self-sabotaging tendencies (in The Happy Couple & Exciting Times) [30:26]
• How Naoise’s neurodiverse perspective influences her writing [34:23]
• Naoise’s love of drawing in her alone time [38:30]

You can purchase Naoise’s book, The Happy Couple, now online and in bookstores.

Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content. My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, expires 31st August 2023.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

@NaoiseDolan

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Instagram:

@ChezSpecter

@naoisedolan

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My guest this week is Women Without Kids author, Ruby Warrington. We're are at a fascinating time in history – where, both in the UK, US, and across almost every developed nation like Switzerland, Italy, Japan and South Korea, adults are having children later in life – or, indeed, not at all. While statistics vary, it is a recognised trend – and that trend is relevant to all of us whether we have children now or in the future, or don’t. Author Ruby Warrington, for this week’s episode, has tackled that subject in her latest book, Women Without Kids – a timely non-fiction investigation into what it means to be, as it says on the tin, a woman without children today, with the help of expert insights from philosophers, anthropologists, social scientists and other writers. This is naturally a topic that lends itself an alonement slant, too – we all know that parenthood isn’t exactly famed for its abundant alone time, but what about a life, and heterosexual relationship, that takes place without it? Ruby, who is now in her mid-forties and has been with her husband Simon for over 20 years, shares the answers to that question, and many more – offering so many insightful perspectives into being childfree by choice.

We discuss, among other things:

• Why alone, for Ruby, means ‘sovereignty’ [3:57]
• The value of having strong connections in your life as insurance against loneliness [8:30]
• The link between Ruby’s introversion and her choice to be childfree [11:54]
• Why alone time is important in Ruby’s marriage [15:04]
• How Ruby envied her father’s lifestyle growing up [21:39]
• Ruby’s experience of abortion [29:32]
• When Ruby questioned whether she did want kids [35:09]
• Chosen families and ‘other mothers’ [39:18]
• What Ruby gained through the process of writing her latest book
• Ruby’s favourite kind of alone time [47:47]

You can purchase Women Without Kids from all good bookshops, and online.

Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you to WestLab for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Their bestselling Dead Sea bath salt range is a skin hero, containing a unique blend of magnesium, calcium and potassium, which is brilliant for protecting and repairing your skin barrier and managing conditions like eczema, psoriasis, acne and sensitive skin. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions,T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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Instagram:

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@ChezSpecter

@rubywarrington

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Donna Lancaster is a coach and therapist, best known as the co-creator of The Bridge, a retreat designed to help attendees navigate grief and loss, and the author of a book of the same name. More recently, Donna has published a pocket book called Wise Words for Women, full of advice on how to live a rewarding, connected life. I know we hear a lot of these buzzwords like authenticity and pain, but equally I think what a lot of us are searching for day to day is that person who emanates gentle, universal wisdom, that comforting phrase that catches you at the right time. Donna refers to herself as a ‘trainee elder’, and to those she touches with her work, that’s what she is. This is a conversation about how to find wonder and creativity in alone time; how to connect with nature; and just generally how to find a bit more joy in our lives. 

We discuss, among other things:

• Why Donna feels most authentic when she is alone [3:53]
• Donna’s struggle with loneliness growing up [6:31]
• How Donna’s relationship with nature makes her feel more connected to the world [12:!6]
• Are you a mountain person, a sea person or a forest person? Donna believes we all have a ‘natural leaning’ [19:08]
• How to have a ‘Date with Wonder’ [24:40]
• Why wealth can make you feel lonelier, according to Donna [28:39]
• Is loneliness something we should accept in our lives? [39:30]
• Donna’s love of colouring books as an alone time activity [45:19]

You can purchase Donna’s latest book, Wise Words for Women, now online and in bookstores.

Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Their bestselling Dead Sea bath salt range is a skin hero, containing a unique blend of magnesium, calcium and potassium, which is brilliant for protecting and repairing your skin barrier and managing conditions like eczema, psoriasis, acne and sensitive skin. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions,T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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Instagram:

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@ChezSpecter

@donnalancs

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You can’t really love anyone until you love yourself. While we see this a lot on Instagram, it’s something that actually requires a lot of exploration – and it’s my guest this week, the bestselling author and mind coach Vex King, that many of us have turned to over the past few years to teach us the true power of self-love, through his books, first in 2018’s Good Vibes, Good Life and later in 2021’s Healing is the New High. Now, Vex is back with his new title – Closer To Love – an essential guide to bringing those lessons into dating and romantic relationships. In this episode, he shares a little sample platter of that wisdom. We discuss everything from how Vex’s difficult upbringing made him the person he is today - how he’s navigated what he calls the verb, or action, that is love, in his own relationship with his wife. Finally, a fresh approach to self-love: how to demonstrate it to yourself through actions, and how to self-love if you’re looking for a relationship but haven’t found one yet. 

We discuss, among other things:

• Vex’s understanding of love as something that exists ‘within you’ [5:31]
• How self-love can help us identify healthy relationship dynamics [7:58]
• ‘Healing’ in a relationship versus outside of a relationship [15:25]
• The distinction between ‘mature’ and ‘immature’ love [25:32]
• How to show yourself love through your actions [30:30]
• Vex’s journey towards self-acceptance after being bullied for his voice [40:23]
• Why daily meditation is Vex’s alonement [48:02]

Cultural references from our conversation:

• The concept of immature versus mature love, originating in Eric Fromm’s book The Art of Loving
• ‘Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving’, a quote from bell hooks’ All About Love
• ‘You can’t heal what you don’t reveal’, from the song ‘Kill Jay-Z’ by Jay-Z

You can purchase all of Vex King’s books from Vexking.com

Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter at francescaspecter.substack.com to follow my personal writing plus podcast bonus content.

You can also order my book, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, which is based on this very podcast, now from Amazon,  Waterstones and Bookshop.org.

Thank you so much to WestLab for sponsoring this season of the podcast. Visit westlabsalts.co.uk/products/dead-sea-salt and quote the code ALONEMENT15 for 15% off when you spend £10 or more, excludes subscriptions,T&Cs apply. Code expires 31st August 2023.

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'That's the root of perfectionism: that chronic deficit thinking, the belief that we're not good enough. That we're not attractive enough, smart enough, fit enough, whatever it might be. In order to compensate for those feelings, we project on to the world a perfect persona that we feel like everybody wants to see – that we should be, essentially. And it's exhausting if you have to keep that up in every single interaction.'

Welcome back to another season of Alonement. My first guest on this season is Dr Thomas Curran, a world leading expert on perfectionism and the author of The Perfection Trap: The Power Of Good Enough In A World That Always Wants More. Endorsed by the likes of Adam Grant and, more recently, Gwyneth Paltrow, The Perfection Trap is the culmination of years of academic research, interwoven with other expert voices, and as well as being rooted in academia it’s also chatty, engaging and honest, which was not something I expected from an academic text. In this conversation, we chat about the relationship between alone time and perfectionism. This includes how solitude can sometimes be used as a space to recover from perfectionism, for practising a hobby that you’re not, technically, very good at – purely for the joy of it. But also the danger of bringing your own perfectionist tendencies along, like trying to get a PB every time you go for a solo run. We also touch on the potential loneliness of relocating you have to do as an academic professor – or any lifestyle, like digital nomadism, that involves rootlessness and moving around a lot. Finally, we discuss how time outside – specifically cycling in nature – is Thom’s favourite kind of alonement, and how sometimes finding joy in solitude can come to our rescue in our lowest moments. 

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device (you can also use the code ALONEMENT at checkout).

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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My guest on this week’s episode is Poppy Jay, best known as the co-host of Brown Girls Do It Too, which won Podcast of the Year at the British Podcast Awards 2020. She’s also a BAFTA-nominated documentary maker, devoted to chronicling difficult, real-life stories for BBC Three and Channel 4. But she’s also been honest about her own: after entering an arranged marriage at the age of 19, Poppy got divorced at 25 – and has spent the past decade exploring her identity. In a Times interview earlier this year, she said – ’I’m 37 and and my whole life has been riddled with shame. Now I try to live by confronting it and owning it.’ And that’s exactly what she does in this episode – we talk about everything from the self-knowledge that comes from being alone, doing nothing, to why Poppy’s trying to be more honest for her need to be by herself after casual sex – and the unexpected beauty of a mutual, respectful break-up in your 30s.

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device.

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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In this episode, Jessica Pan discusses her book 'Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come' and her journey of embracing extroversion. As we discuss on the show, Jessica is almost the opposite to me – she’s an introvert who learnt to be more extraverted, whereas I started exploring Alonement as a means of dealing with my fear, as an extrovert, of being alone. She tells me about her journey to embrace solo travel, socialising with strangers and making new friends, all with the help of her 'extrovert mentors'. What this following episode touches on is the importance of balance and choice around how we spend our alone time, plus how learning to integrate more connection in your life can help you fall back in love with your solitude. We also touch on the loneliness of big cities, particularly London, and how Jessica has managed to curate her own tiny village within the UK capital. Jessica also talks about starting her Substack newsletter, It'll Be Fun, They Said, based on part-time job working in a local independent bookshop. Finally, she shares her favourite kinds of alone time, which involves reading by the ocean and journaling in a cafe.

Takeaways

• Embracing alone time can be a luxurious and fulfilling experience when it is a choice.
• Working in a bookshop can be enchanting and provide opportunities for meaningful connections with customers.
• Journaling is a valuable tool for self-reflection and understanding one's thoughts and feelings.
• Solo travel can be challenging but can also provide opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.
• Having extrovert mentors can provide guidance and support in navigating social situations.

Chapters

00:00

Introduction and Background

02:21

Different Journeys, Same Goal

03:42

The Fluidity of Introversion and Extroversion

04:10

The Pleasure of Working in a Bookshop

05:31

Starting the Substack Newsletter

06:30

Choosing Pleasure and Storytelling

08:25

The Enchantment of Working in a Bookshop

09:50

The Joy of Working in a Bookshop

10:46

The Aspirational Lifestyle of Working in a Bookshop

11:02

Balancing Work and Alone Time

12:57

The Privilege and Prison of Being Alone

13:57

Choosing to Be Alone

14:25

The Nuance of Enjoying Alone Time

15:24

The Universal Loneliness Problem

16:48

The Counterintuitive Decision to Be an Extrovert

17:18

The Loneliness of Metropolitan Life

19:10

The Surprise Solo Travel Experience

23:12

The Challenges of Solo Travel

25:08

The Benefit of Extrovert Mentors

32:50

Favorite Extrovert Adventures

36:36

Gaining Compassion for Introverted Parts

40:05

Tips for Spending Time Alone

45:27

Appreciating Introverted Parts of Yourself

46:26

Creating a Village in the City

49:21

Curating a Community

51:17

Creating Connections

52:15

Favourite Alone Time

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device.

You can follow Jessica Pan's Substack at jesspan.substack.com, and my own at francescaspecter.substack.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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My guest this week is Anita Bhagwandas, an award winning beauty director, and more recently the author of Ugly: Giving Us Back Our Beauty Standards, a book that examines the damaging impact of narrow beauty ideals and serves as a brilliant manifesto towards a more inclusive attitude. The book explores the importance of practising self care on your own terms, not what the beauty industry tells you - something Anita knows a lot about after 15 years in the industry. Anita also lives alone in London, like me, and we discuss the creative joys of cooking for one, getting to plan a week that perfectly balances quiet night doing laundry with going out to gigs with friends - something Anita loves – plus an honest discussion of why getting flaked on can affect you much harder when you’re single or live alone.

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device.

Takeaways

• Alone time preferences can vary from person to person, and it is important to find a balance that works for you.
• Self-care is not about buying things or following trends; it is about understanding what truly nourishes and rejuvenates you.
• The commodification of self-care has led to a misconception that it requires expensive products or activities, when in reality, it can be as simple as taking a few minutes for yourself.
• It is important to advocate for yourself and communicate your needs to others, especially when it comes to making plans and canceling.
• Cooking for oneself can be an act of self-care, and it is important to challenge the notion that it is not worth it to cook for one person.
• Don't just follow beauty trends or societal expectations, choose makeup and beauty routines that bring you joy and creativity.
• Alone time can be an escape from beauty standards and an opportunity to embrace your natural self.
• Choose what beauty work brings you joy and let go of the tasks that feel tedious or unnecessary.
• Journaling and checking in with yourself can be a valuable practice for self-reflection and self-care.

Chapters

00:00

Introduction and Speed Friending

02:14

Being Good at Time Alone

03:10

Introverts and Only Children

05:39

Alone Time During the Pandemic

08:05

Journalist Mode in Social Situations

11:12

Solo Hobbies

15:31

Changing Relationship with Alone Time

18:04

The Myth of Self-Care

27:57

Counteracting Myths Around Self-Care

32:30

Navigating External Reinforcement of Self-Care

35:08

Overcoming Only-Me-ism in Cooking

36:45

The Joy of Cooking and Makeup

38:20

The Danger of Makeup as a Tool to Hide

39:17

Rediscovering the Joy and Creativity of Makeup

40:30

The Solo Process of Makeup and Self-Criticism

41:35

Cooking for Yourself vs. Cooking for Others

43:58

Escaping Beauty Standards in Alone Time

44:49

Choosing What Beauty Work to Enjoy

47:25

Picking and Choosing What Makes You Feel Good

48:21

Alonement: Journalling and Checking In with Yourself

49:36

The Joy of Writing in a Nice Notebook

You can follow Anita Bhagwandas' Substack at anitabhagwandas.substack.com, and mine at francescaspecter.substack.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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Getting engaged to your partner is typically a time for celebration. But for today’s guest Max Dickins, it was …. more complicated. As he prepared to propose to his girlfriend, Naomi, he had an uncomfortable revelation: he couldn’t think of anyone to ask to be his best man. This prompted a personal crisis for the writer and comedian – one which inspired him to address the dwindling friendship connections in his own life …… and to investigate the topic of male mental health and loneliness more. The result was his brilliant non-fiction book, Billy No Mates: How I Realised Men Have a Friendship Problem.

This is a wide-ranging discussion, which actually opens with a chat about the romance of solitude – sometimes Max has always valued, but once used as an excuse for why he sometimes had no one to see at weekends. We also cover gendered attitudes towards both solitude and loneliness, which was really interesting and definitely opened my eyes. I hope you enjoy listening.

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device.

Takeaways

• Solitude and loneliness are not the same; solitude is a choice to spend time alone, while loneliness is a subjective feeling of unhappiness with social connections.
• Gender plays a significant role in the association of solitude and loneliness, with historical and cultural factors influencing the gendered distinctions.
• Toxic masculinity can contribute to extreme solitude and the need to outdo each other in terms of solitude, which can be pathological.
• The social biome is a balance of different types of relationships, including close friendships, casual connections, and moments of solitude.
• Weekend loneliness is a phenomenon that affects many individuals, particularly men, who may feel isolated and lacking social connections during weekends.
• Understanding and appreciating the value of solitude can lead to a healthier balance in relationships and personal well-being.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background

03:00 Gendered Perspectives on Solitude

06:00 Toxic Masculinity and Extreme Solitude

09:00 The Rationalisation of Solitude

10:00 Loneliness vs. Solitude

12:00 The Social Biome and Balance

15:00 The Friendship Problem for Men

20:00 Exploring Masculinity and Gender Conditioning

23:00 Gendered Behaviours and Barriers to Connection

29:00 Weekend Loneliness and its Impact

34:00 Reevaluating the Value of Solitude

38:00 Reflections on the Book and the Importance of Conversation

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Leslie Stephens is the writer behind Morning Person, a top 10 Substack newsletter that chronicles her life in Portland, Oregon. In August last year, shortly after her 30th birthday, Leslie announced to her readers that she was separating from her husband. Over the past 18 months, she’s chronicled her journey of living by herself for the first time, including her recent solo house purchase – which we chat about in this episode. She also shares her advice – as a former food and lifestyle editor – of establishing a home by yourself, and – crucially – for yourself, rather than designing around the absence of someone else. Whether or not you’re already familiar with Leslie’s work, this conversation is full of gems for any kind of solo living – I hope you get as much from it as I did.

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device. This season of Alonement was edited by Pineapple Audio Production.

Chapters

00:00

Introduction

01:00

Learning to Make a Home for One

02:25

Designing a Home as a Solo Liver

05:22

The Challenges and Mistakes of Designing Alone

06:47

Designing with a Partner vs Designing Alone

10:59

The Lack of Resources for Solo Living

11:55

Creating Content for Solo Living

13:17

Making Changes in a Solo Living Space

14:44

The Importance of Solitude in Designing a Home

19:44

The Lack of Resources for Designing a First Home Alone

21:08

Building a New Relationship with a Parent

22:32

Navigating the Grey Areas of Life

25:16

Coping with Weekends and Sundays Alone

27:07

Finding Joy in Cooking for One

32:29

Creating Recipes and Experimenting with Cooking Alone

38:11

The Inspiration Behind the Novel 'You're Safe Here'

46:26

Maintaining Solitude in a Relationship

47:45

The Ultimate Alonement: Movement and Stillness

10:00

The Importance of Self-Awareness

20:00

The Role of External Validation

30:00

Navigating Comparison and Social Media

40:00

The Impact of Internal Dialogue

48:40

Conclusion

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There are certain rites of passage that take place after a major break-up. For some, it’s a hair-cut or a big solo trip, or a regrettable rebound with someone the polar opposite of your ex. My guest this week, Alice Vincent, departed from the cliches: for her, it was growing plants. In her partly autobiographical books, Rootbound and more recently Why Women Grow, Alice chronicles how she came to growing plants as a way to heal and regain a sense of control after a break-up in her late twenties. As her life has changed – Alice is now married with her first child – gardening has remained a constant for her. In this episode, we discuss how Alice has navigated the changes of the past seven years, how gardening has allowed her to maintain a version of independence throughout it, and why she never feels lonely while out in the garden. Later, Alice also shares her tips for beginning your gardening journey by yourself, whether it’s just growing herbs on a windowsill, using a balcony space or joining a community garden. 

Takeaways

• Alone time can be a valuable and fulfilling experience, allowing for personal growth and self-reflection.
• Creating personal space, whether through gardening or other activities, can provide a sense of independence and freedom.
• Navigating relationships and sharing space with a partner requires constant communication and a willingness to compromise.
• Taking time alone, whether through solo trips or dedicated alone time at home, can be rejuvenating and empowering.

00:00

Introduction

04:34

Transition to Writing

06:27

Exploring Alonement

07:43

Defining Alone

09:38

Aloneness in Different Life Stages

10:35

The Luxury of Alone Time

13:04

Navigating Alone Time

14:28

Themes in Rootbound and Why Women Grow

15:21

Finding Solace in Gardening

19:46

Creating Space for Oneself

20:46

Gardening as a Solitary Activity

24:41

The Meditative Nature of Gardening

27:03

Living with a Partner and Maintaining Independence

30:16

The Ambivalence of Sharing Space

34:32

Choosing Relationships on One's Own Terms

38:52

Creating Personal Space

43:37

Tips for Starting a Growing Journey

47:21

Taking Time Alone

50:07

Ultimate Alone Time

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Maggie Smith is a poet & writer who found overnight fame when her poem, ‘Good Bones’, went viral on social media in 2016. Later on, her life was to take a further change when her husband of 19 years, and the father of her children, announced he wanted a divorce two years later. Her memoir, You Could Make This Place Beautiful, published in April 2023 – explores the connection between these two events, how become a hit writer led to the breakdown of her marriage – and what could be found in the disruption that followed it all. Throughout it all, Maggie’s love of creativity and solitude has been a constant – something she speaks to me about in this episode. We also talk about finding love in middle age, and the joy of a relationship that’s free from the pressure of milestones.

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device.

Takeaways

• Alone time can be a positive and restorative experience, especially for creative individuals.
• Being in a relationship that is not working can be lonelier than being alone.
• Financial independence and self-sufficiency are important for personal empowerment.
• There is freedom in choosing a relationship without merging lives and milestones.
• Alone time is essential for creativity and self-reflection.

Chapters

00:00

Introduction and Small Talk

03:33

Exploring the Meaning of Alone

04:27

Aloneness as a Positive and Restorative Experience

05:24

The Irony of Being an Introverted Writer

06:24

The Challenges of Being an Introverted Writer in the Public Eye

08:15

Navigating Life After Divorce

09:43

The Loneliness of Incompatible Partnership

10:41

Living Alone vs. Living Without a Partner

11:36

The Myth of Partnership Solving Loneliness

13:29

The Shift in Attitudes Towards Being Alone

14:52

The Impact of Age on Relationship Choices

16:13

The Pressure to Settle Down and Have Children

17:32

Financial Independence and Self-Sufficiency

18:45

The Liberation of Not Racing Through Relationship Milestones

19:58

The Freedom of Choosing a Relationship Without Merging Lives

21:20

Balancing Independence and Vulnerability

22:48

The Lack of Cultural Models for Non-Traditional Relationships

23:44

The Beauty of Constant Companionship

24:43

The Negative Side of Hyper-Independence

25:39

The Importance of Alone Time for Creativity

27:29

Learning to Accept Help and Support

28:54

Returning to a Special Place for Solitude

31:43

The Restorative Power of Writing Alone

33:09

The Impact of Professional Success on Relationships

35:31

The Evolution of Creativity After Having Children

39:21

The Joy of Having Unstructured Alone Time

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If I could sum up Felicity Cloake's lifestyle in two words, it would be: solo glamour. From cooking up solo dining feasts to taking an independent six-week cycling holiday across France (albeit joined by pals at intervals along the way), the Guardian food writer and author truly lives her philosophy that, in her words, 'you are worth eating something nice for on your own'. I love and have been thoroughly inspired by the tips for solo dining she shares on this episode, which all alonement fans need to hear about. I was equally nodding along as she talked candidly about loneliness as something that can occur even when you're in the physical presence of others. All in all, many a fascinating morsel (forgive me) in this episode – I hope you enjoy listening. 

Felicity's New Statesman article referenced towards the beginning of the episode is 'Solo dining is on the rise. And it's easy to see why' – you can read it here.

You can buy Felicity's travel memoir, One More Croissant For The Road, from Amazon, Waterstones and all good bookshops. 

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @felicitycloake

Instagram: @alonementofficial @felicitycloake 

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It’s official: scientists are the new celebrities – which is why I’m so delighted to have one as my remote guest for the second special COVID-19 episode of the Alonement podcast.

British-born nanotechnologist Dr Michelle Dickinson, a long-term friend to Jacinda Ardern, has been working with New Zealand’s Prime Minister to help communicate the science behind COVID-19 to the public.

Day to day, Michelle runs Nanogirl’s Lab – under her alter-ego of Nanogirl – to teach children STEM skills. Self-identifying as ‘a weird socially-awkward introvert’, Michelle has nevertheless established herself as a household name and shared with me how she has harnessed her quiet superpowers in order to effectively communicate the science behind the COVID-19 virus to the public.

Michelle is also, believe it or not, loving lockdown: an opinion that has been whispered by some introverts over the past few weeks. Despite this – she also speaks about the huge toll that the health crisis is taking on the public’s mental health, and why it’s important to her to communicate the psychological toll on those feeling scared and alone at this time.

Whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, or you haven’t made your mind up yet, I hope you find our conversation just as fascinating and eye-opening as I did.

Did you enjoy this episode? Let me know what you think with a written review on Apple Podcasts. You can also get in touch on press@alonement.com.

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @medickinson

Instagram: @ChezSpecter @alonementofficial @medickinson

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This week’s guest is Guy Winch, a clinical psychologist, TED speaker and author of Emotional First Aid (plus other books!). He’s also a loneliness expert – a role which I was pretty intrigued by! Anyway, I learnt a lot from recording this episode: about loneliness; about emotional self-reliance versus when to see a therapist; and so much more. Side note: Guy is also hilariously funny – a highlight is when he confesses to having a Star Wars paraphernalia filled ‘man cave’.

You can listen to Guy Winch's podcast, Dear Therapists, on Apple Podcasts.

You can also pre-order my upcoming book, Alonement: How To Be Alone And Absolutely Own It, which we refer to in the episode, from Amazon, Waterstones and all good booksellers. 

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So, you know when you’re *supposed* to be interviewing someone professionally and you end up just chatting away like mates? Such was my experience of interviewing this week’s guest, Sophia Money-Coutts – the former features director at Tatler and now a thrice-published author – resulting in a laughter-filled episode which covers everything from egg freezing; solo travel; Zoom fatigue; and what happens when you become newly-single in your 30s. 

P.s. Sophia also shared the best (or indeed worst) songs on her break-up soundtrack, including Tracy Chapman’s ‘The Promise’ and Passenger’s ‘Golden Leaves’. Broken hearts, steer clear. 

Sophia’s latest novel, The Wish List, is out now, available from Amazon and Waterstones. 

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @sophiamcoutts

Instagram: @alonementofficial @sophiamcoutts

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We’re back, baby! It’s a new year, and with it comes a brand new season of Alonement. My first guest is author and presenter Rebecca Seal, whose latest book, SOLO: How To Work Alone (And Not Lose Your Mind), accidentally became one of the most relevant titles of 2020 as many of us faced home-working due to lockdown. After over a decade of running her freelance career from home, Rebecca shares her best advice for ‘solo’ working - a must-have for the 14 million of us currently sharing her lifestyle – including her specific pandemic-proof tips to help you thrive. Other topics discussed in this episode include the fallacy of the ‘solitary’ genius and, later, Rebecca’s IVF journey, a lonely experience that she’s now committed to speaking openly about to help others feel that they’re not alone. Finally, Rebecca tells me why running is her favourite form of alonement – and shares why, even as someone who’s written a self-help book, she’s happy to admit she’s still a ‘work in progress’.

Buy Rebecca Seal's book, SOLO: How To Work Alone (And Not Lose Your Mind) on Amazon, Waterstones, and from all good booksellers.

You can also pre-order my upcoming book, Alonement: How To Be Alone And Absolutely Own It, from Amazon, Waterstones and all good booksellers. 

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How will we live and spend time alone after COVID-19? I interview Eric Klinenberg, sociologist and author of 'Going Solo', about how our attitudes towards solitude might shift in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic. What are the unique challenges towards valuing alone time in an age of social distancing? How will our romantic relationships change? Will companies push their employees towards remote home-working? And will it now be harder than ever to differentiate between alone and lonely? These are all questions we discuss in this special, timely episode of the Alonement podcast.

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Eric Klinenberg’s book, ‘Going Solo’, is available to order online from Amazon and from all good bookshops. You can also buy his latest book, ‘Palaces for the People’.

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Twitter: @ChezSpecter @EricKlinenberg

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Instagram: @ChezSpecter @alonementofficial

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Alice Liveing is a part-time personal trainer, part-time superhero. A three-time bestselling author, she’s a woman on a mission to change our idea of what strength looks like, hosting a podcast of her own, Give Me Strength, where she chats to everyone from Olympians to glossy magazine editors about what their idea of strength looks like. 

I’ve followed Alice on Instagram for years, where she shares brilliant workout videos combined with thorough explanations and positive mantras. In person, I found her every bit as sunny and approachable as her social media presence suggests. During the recording of this episode, Alice radically changed the way I think about self care – I loved her suggestion that sometimes self care is just getting out of bed in the morning, a notion I’m sure many of us can relate to. Our conversation ranged from the benefits of exercising alone to the important issue of domestic violence, something Alice herself has experienced first-hand.

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Alice is an ambassador for Women’s Aid, a charity which aims to end domestic violence against women and children. For those looking for further information and support, visit the Women’s Aid website on womensaid.org.uk.

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Twitter: @ChezSpecter @aliceliveing_

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Instagram @ChezSpecter @alonementofficial @aliceliveing

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So – pinch me. If you'd told eight-year-old me that I'd one day get to interview 'Blue Peter' presenter Konnie Huq when I grew up, it would have been way too exciting to process. As it happens, 28-year-old me managed to keep it together (just about) in order to interview the lovely presenter-turned-children's author about alone time, finding genuine happiness away from the spotlight and why she's never, ever felt lonely.

Thanks to a social-distancing friendly video chat, I also got to meet Huxley, the youngest of Konnie's adorable sons (she has two under the age of nine with her husband, 'Black Mirror' creator Charlie Brooker). Huxley makes his cameo right at the end of the episode, turning out to be the unexpected star of the show and also proving Konnie's assertion that she gets ZERO alone time as the mother of two young children.

Konnie's latest book, Cookie and the Most Annoying Girl in the World, is available now from Amazon and from all good booksellers. Perfect for any little people in your life!

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @Konnie_Huq

Instagram: @alonementofficial

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*TRIGGER WARNING* The topics discussed on this podcast may be triggering for those following the news story around the disappearance of Sarah Everard last week. 

My guest this week is poet Hollie McNish. Hollie had been described by critics as ‘a bewildering law unto herself’ – and, you know what, that’s pretty accurate. 

Forget everything you thought you knew about poetry – Hollie, who formerly went by the pseudonym Hollie Poetry, is a far cry from the poets you learnt about for your GCSE coursework. She writes her poetry in the Notes section of her iPhone, is unafraid to cover topics that others shy away from – from masturbation to breastfeeding – and was the first poet to record a spoken word album at the Abbey Road Studios in London. This is one of my favourite interviews I’ve done for the podcast so far, and I hope you get a lot from listening to this episode.

It’s important to mention that this episode – in which we discuss the many ways women are made to feel endangered when physically alone – has take on an eerie resonance after the disappearance of Sarah Everard this week. My decision to share our conversation in its entirety means it will, I hope, contribute to the important conversation going on right now about women’s right to occupy public spaces without fear. If you are in any way affected by the issues raised, know that my heart goes out to you and that you should never be afraid of opening up about your concerns and fears, and amplifying your struggles to those who don’t believe their validity. Keep speaking up.

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You can pre-order Hollie McNish's book, Slug, from Waterstones now.

My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to order now on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

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In this week’s episode, I interview one of the most exciting debut authors of the moment – Derek Owusu, the first novelist to sign with Stormzy's publishing imprint, Merky Books. We discuss the role of identity in Derek's writing – which is heavily inspired by his own life – and the difficulty he faces when separating his own emotions and experiences and that of his characters in his debut novel, ‘That Reminds Me’. Derek is committed to bringing so-called taboo subjects to light, and in this episode we cover important issues such as growing up in foster care, self-harm and mental health. Derek also opens up about his struggle with borderline personality disorder – a high-stigmatised, underreported and complex condition affecting a predicted 7 in 1,000 people in the UK, according to The Guardian. If you are affected by any of the self-harm or suicide-related issues discussed in this podcast episode, contact the Samaritans at Samaritans.org or call their free hotline on 116 123. 

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Derek Owusu’s debut novel, ‘That Reminds Me, is available to buy now on Amazon.

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Follow @ChezSpecter on Instagram and Twitter, @alonementofficial on Instagram.

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Learn more about alonement on alonement.com.

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I was touched by the honesty of this week’s guest, Matthew Stadlen. During our candid conversation, the LBC presenter and journalist opens up about the challenges of dating after a recent divorce, navigating a marriage breakdown and living alone during a pandemic. Later on, we also discuss Matthew’s passion for birdwatching (and he answers my VERY basic questions as to what birdwatching actually, er, entails). I learnt a lot during these 45 minutes – and I know you will too.

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @MatthewStadlen

Instagram: @alonementofficial @MatthewStadlen 

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It’s the SEASON FINALE! Meeting Daisy Buchanan earlier this year for this recording felt strangely familiar. I’ve been reading Daisy’s wonderful words for years, and when she arrived at my flat it felt like she had leapt straight out of the page: thoughtful, funny and with superhuman levels of emotional intelligence.

In this episode – the season finale for first ever Alonement series – we discuss everything from the trap of people pleasing to the difference between a drain and a radiator (don’t know what I’m talking about? Keep listening!).

We also reflect on Daisy’s happiest solo memories, and how she’s used the love languages theory to help connect with her husband Dale (forgive the part where we BOTH draw a blank over naming the fifth love language – which is, of course, quality time!).

Below, I’ve listed the wonderful cultural references peppered through this interview by Daisy.

I’d like to thank each and every one of you lovely listeners for tuning in to the podcast. I can’t thank you enough for your support and kind words over the last couple of months – I can’t wait to share the second series with you all! In the mean time, if you’d like to leave an Apple Podcasts review to let me know what you thought that would be appreciated so much.

Bye for now – and see you all on the other side. Stay healthy and happy!

***UPDATE*** Daisy's brilliant debut novel, Insatiable, is now out – buy it now from Waterstones and all good booksellers.

Book: The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman [For reference: touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts and quality time]

Quote: ‘I’ve learned to talk to myself instead of listen to myself.’ - Dr James Gills

Podcast: The Life Coach School podcast - Brooke Castillo

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Instagram: @ChezSpecter @alonementofficial @thedaisybee

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Alonement gets tremendously highbrow this week. Fans of comedy and Philip Larkin alike will love this episode with radio presenter and stand-up comedian John Robins. Since winning the Edinburgh Comedy Award in 2017 with his show, ‘The Darkness of Robins’ – and performing the show on the Live at the Apollo stage the following year – John has become a household name.

In this episode, we discuss everything from Philip Larkin’s solitude-inspired poetry – John drops a line into every comedy show – to John’s engagement to fashion designer Coco Fennell (and the somewhat astonishing revelation that they’ve never even had an argument). Later on, we get on to the downsides of liking alone time too much (apparently this can be a hazard if you’re an introvert, like John) and the best ways to balance your alonement with seeing others, particularly when you live alone.

This conversation really made me think, and introduced me to some fascinating new perspectives – I hope it has the same effect on you.

As for the poems discussed on this episode, John (whom, I later discovered, read English at Oxford) references ‘Vers de Société’ and ‘The Importance of Elsewhere’ by Philip Larkin, together with ‘Luck’ by Raymond Carver.

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @nomadicrevery

Instagram: @alonementofficial @nomadic_revery

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HELLO and happy September! This week’s guest is radio and television presenter Vick Hope a.k.a ‘The New Voice of a Generation’ (to quote a recent Sunday Times Style article).

My conversation with BBC Radio 1's new addition meanders from Nigerian cooking journey during lockdown to love languages and the joy of dancing like no one's watching while alone at home. 

During this recording, Vick also reminded me of a beautiful word, 'sonder', meaning the realisation that everyone else lives a life just as rich and vivid as your own. She describes it the sensation of 'souls intermingling', which is just gorgeous.

I hope you enjoy listening to this as much as I enjoyed recording with Vick. 

P.S. This is the ManRepeller article Vick referenced during the podcast about always returning to a certain ‘happiness set point’.

P.P.S. We also discuss Gary Chapman's Love Languages theory – also referenced in the Daisy Buchanan episode in season one. 

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @vicknhope

Instagram: @alonementofficial @vickhope

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It’s season finale time! And, might I add, what a banger to conclude with: my interviewee this week is Dr Emma Hepburn a.k.a @thepsychologymum. Emma quickly became one of my all-time favourites interviewees within minutes of starting this recording. She is that magical combination of grounded, honest and astonishingly wise. One moment she’s your relatable close friend, the next she’s throwing out brilliant nuggets of wisdom that make you pause for thought.

For those who aren’t already familiar with her work, Emma is an NHS clinical psychologist known for producing beautiful illustrations that demystify mental health concepts for the masses. Her Instagram page, @thepsychologymum, has over 100,000 followers, and has proved a welcome balm for those struggling during lockdown (so...pretty much all of us then!). She’s also the author of A Toolkit for Modern Life, which is out now in hardback. 

I couldn’t think of a better way to end this season, and I know you’re going to fall in love with Emma like I did. Happy listening – and I’ll see you soon for season four.

Here’s some of what you can expect from the episode:

• 5:00 The significance of keeping boundaries between your professional and personal identity
• 9:30 Why we all need to build a mental health toolkit
• 12:25 ‘Effect anchoring’ - the process of predicting future feelings based on how we already feel – i.e. If we’re feeling lousy we think we’ll always feel lousy – and how we can counteracting it by holding on to ‘pockets of hope’
• 11:45 The difference between aloneness from choice vs. loneliness when you don’t choose it
• 18:00 Why getting into the state of ‘flow’ improves your mental health
• 20:00 Emma shares that doing illustrations is one of her own mental health coping strategies
• 27:30 ‘We’re never going to reach Happyland – it doesn’t exist.’
• 30:30 How lockdown has restricted our capacity for human connection
• 32:30 What causes loneliness in young people?
• 35:00 How talking about loneliness can make us feel less lonely
• 42:00 The significance of alone time for Emma – and why it’s a ‘luxury’
• 45:00 Tips for parents who want to spend more time alone
• 47:00 How alone time helps Emma dream up her illustrations
• 48:30 How to know when you need solitude or social time?
• 51:00 How to gain greater awareness in your life – and why you need a ‘Ta-da’ list

Emma Hepburn’s book, A Toolkit For Modern Life, discussed in this episode, is available to order now.

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My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

Social media

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Twitter: @ChezSpecter @@EmmaNeuropsych

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If there’s one thing Jada, a body-positive model and UN Women ambassador stands for, it’s empowerment – and that quality radiated from her like sunshine throughout this recording. 

By the time she arrived at my flat at 10am – looking characteristically gorgeous – she had already appeared on national news to promote body diversity in advertising. The day before, she’d qualified for a motorcycle licence. Despite this (and, I later learned, not even having eaten breakfast), she proved fiercely intelligent – showing off the fruits of her MA in Child Psychotherapy – inspiring and positive. ‘Don’t worry.  I don’t get hangry!’ she reassured me during the interview. She’s certainly a better woman than me. 

Think the most confident, popular girl at school – but, with it all, incredibly nice, patiently bearing with me when a memory card surrendered mid-way through our recording. During our conversation, we discussed the importance of valuing the time you spend out of a romantic relationship – a period she describes as ‘one of the best times for figuring out who I was, and who I am, and what I love’ – together with how to set healthy boundaries with a new partner. We also discussed the brilliance of Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel, together with our shared wanderlust for Japan (where Jada made a life-changing solo trip!). 

I left this recording feeling hugely inspired by Jada’s strong, independent attitude. I’d love to hear what you think – get in touch in the reviews section below!

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P.s. The podcast we reference is ‘Where Should We Begin’ by the ever-fabulous Esther Perel.

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Hello, and welcome to the debut episode of the alonement podcast! The show got off to a flying start when Alain de Botton kindly agreed to be my first guest – a brilliant (if not a little daunting) beginning.

I was soon reassured upon arriving at Alain’s office in north London. In person, the philosopher, author and School of Life founder is every bit as quick-witted and articulate as those innumerate YouTube videos would suggest – but with a base note of light-hearted humour.

A lesser-known fact I learned about Alain is that his surname, de Botton (of Sephardic Jewish origin), coincidentally translates to ‘ordinary’ in Korean, meaning he goes by the nickname ‘Mr Ordinary’ among his many, many fans at the School of Life's Seoul branch. As Alain’s dedicated global fanbase will know, he is anything but ordinary. Yet, what IS apt about this nickname is that it acknowledges Alain’s versatility; his ability to respond with a gentle, yet incredibly insightful, wisdom to almost any topic you introduce – like a tennis player with a knack for drop shots.

During our conversation, we talked about everything from Bridget Jones to the benefits of takeaway curry (honestly), with wider discussions on how to develop greater self-knowledge, how to find the right romantic partner, and the all-important difference between being alone and loneliness.

What I most enjoyed about our conversation was Alain’s suggestion that we need to make the state of being alone ‘glamorous’. In this, he identified something central to the alonement concept, which is demonstrating that alone time – done correctly – is something empowering and aspirational, rather than the painfully negative connotations typically associated with being alone.

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Thinking & Eating, written by the team at the School of Life and referenced in this episode, is now available to buy here.

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Ostensibly, this week’s guest – one of the UK’s best known reality TV stars – might not seem like the go-to authority on time alone. Yet, after half a decade of living around cameras, Made in Chelsea star Lucy Watson describes her solitude as a ‘relief’. In this episode, we discuss the power of following your values and living authentically. For Lucy, that means following a vegan lifestyle, as she's done since 2016, yet it strikes me that those values of pursuing what you believe in can be applied to so much more. Later, the PETA activist talks about the loneliness that has accompanied her vegan (formerly vegetarian, as a child) lifestyle – including being separated from her friends and sat at the ‘Vegetarian Table’ during her school days. Finally, we discuss Lucy’s first ever solo holiday: a joyful trip to Los Angeles after filming series one of Made in Chelsea. This was an eye-opening chat for me, and I was delighted to have Lucy on. Listen to feel empowered to follow your own path. Lucy Watson’s book, Awakenings, discussed in this episode, is available to order now.

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My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to pre-order now on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

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Meet Jo Good, the original poster girl for alonement. You’ll likely know Jo as the chatty BBC Radio London talk show host who can – and does – talk for hours a day about everything under the sun for a living. Yet – Jo, a former actress, is also a paradox because, despite her public persona, she most adores time alone when she’s not talking to anyone.

Living in a flat in Marylebone with her bulldog Matilda, Jo leads a lifestyle which, in her own words, ‘goes against the tide’. Jo leads a hectic lifestyle, which involves hosting her radio show Monday to Friday, together with a podcast, ‘Dogs in the City’, and last but not least starring in twice-weekly blogs for her Middle Aged Minx YouTube channel. 

Yet, in the gaps between her work engagements, Jo ‘goes to earth’ – a phrase she uses to describe spending time in her flat, without seeing another human, and recharging before she faces the world again.

Jo and I talk about her experience of losing her partner, late radio presenter Big George; her decision not to have children; her handy trick for leaving parties early and the stigma surrounding being alone during certain times of the year, like New Year’s Eve.

It took just over an hour for Jo to become one of my all-time favourite interviewees. She’s a true role model when it comes to living a life less ordinary – a fascinating person who lives life on her own terms while bringing so much joy to many others.

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Welcome to a very special episode of Alonement to mark the publication week of my first BOOK: Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, the book inspired by this podcast, out now – get your copy on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

So what’s on the agenda? Ironically, considering the theme of this podcast, it’s the first time I am going solo without a guest. However, don’t think I’ve short-changed you: there is a lot of SCINTILLATING content packed into the next half hour, including a montage where listeners share their own favourite kinds of alonement (I got actual chills from putting this together during the editing process); a trip down memory lane as I recap some of my favourite moments from the podcast so far; and an exclusive extract from the ALONEMENT audiobook, read by yours truly.

I hope you enjoy listening, friends! For long-term subscribers, thank you for being on this journey with me – I love you all and there’s no one I’d rather be alone together with. And for those who have just discovered the joy of alonement via the book and/or podcast? Welcome – this is going to be the start of something beautiful…

My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to order now on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

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Meet the woman who makes sobriety cool: this week’s guest is Millie Gooch, founder of the Sober Girl Society. Millie gave up drinking alcohol in 2018, and never looked back. I’m all about glamorising a good cause (hello – positive alone time!) and this is exactly what Millie does with her platform, showing that a sober life is not a lesser life: it can often by much the opposite. During this conversation, we talk about how quitting alcohol allowed Millie to learn to process her emotions, and to pursue hobbies and interests alone – particularly during those hangover-free mornings. Millie also speaks openly about the crippling effects of hangaxiety (part of the reason she gave up alcohol in the first place) and the initial loneliness that can come with being the ‘odd one out’ that doesn’t drink. I found this to be such a valuable chat and I can bet you will too – whatever your relationship with alcohol. Millie Gooch’s book, The Sober Girl Handbook, discussed in this episode, is available to order now.

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My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

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Instagram: @alonementofficial @chezspecter @milliegooch @sobergirlsociety

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @milliegooch

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Don’t panic – but my guest this week is Nell Frizzell, the brilliant author of ‘The Panic Years’, a memoir about Nell’s journey from a single woman in her late twenties to becoming a first-time mother at 32. Listening back to this episode, I was wowed for a second time by Nell’s eloquence and honesty: she puts into words what so many women feel around those ‘panic years’ of deciding whether or not to have children – a time she also calls ‘the flux’. During this recording, we discuss everything from maternal loneliness and why it doesn’t get enough airtime, to the joys of nighttime wild swimming (Nell, NOT me, let me stress). The chronic laughter from Nell and myself through this episode is testament to how much I thoroughly enjoyed this interview – and I hope you do too.

Nell’s book, The Panic Years, is out now. Order from Waterstones and all good booksellers.

You can also pre-order my upcoming book, Alonement: How To Be Alone And Absolutely Own It, which we refer to in the episode, from Amazon, Waterstones and all good booksellers. 

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I’m calling it – this podcast should be compulsory listening for all single people. Scratch that – all people. Shani Silver, host of the A Single Serving podcast, radiates sunshine and NYC cool girl vibes (she's based in Brooklyn) in this episode. She’s a woman with a mission; a key voice, and a lovely one, within the single positivity movement, redefining the way we see being single. In her words: ‘You can choose how you feel about your own single life, and I hope you choose to enjoy it, to live it fully and in validation, rather than let it pass you by in an endless search for someone else.’ It’s clear, from talking to her, what choice she has made.

You can listen to Shani’s brilliant podcast, A Single Serving, on Apple Podcasts.

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @shanisilver

Instagram: @alonementofficial @shanisilver

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And now, the end is near… It’s the penultimate episode of the season, and my guest is Dr Remi Adekoya. I was fascinated to find out, through Remi’s work, that a third of British people will be mixed race by the end of the century. His brilliant new book, Biracial Britain: A Different Way Of Looking At Race, brings together stories of biracial British people from all ages and mixed-race backgrounds, together with Remi’s own experiences and expert academic research in racial and ethnic identity. 

During this episode, Remi tells me about his experience growing up Polish-Nigeria (and growing up in both Poland and Nigeria. He tells me his biracial identity has essentially become a superpower, offering him multiple vantage points to navigate the world. But it can also be a source of loneliness, where you struggle to be accepted within racial communities, and question who you are and where you belong. This was an incredibly eye-opening interview – which will not only resonate with those who are mixed-race, but anyone who’s ever questioned where they fit as an individual with a certain community (so, just about everyone). I hope you get as much from this interview as I did. 

Remi’s book, Biracial Britain: A Different Way Of Looking At Race, discussed in this episode, is available to order now. 

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My book, Alonement: How To Be Alone & Absolutely Own It, is available to order on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers. 

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Instagram: @alonementofficial @chezspecter 

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @RemiAdekoya1

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Florence Given is an illustrator, Instagram sensation and now a debut author, with the release of her bestselling book, Women Don’t Owe You Pretty. It’s not hard to understand why she was voted Cosmopolitan’s Influencer of the Year ‘19. Famous for slogans such as ‘Dump Him’ and ‘Don’t Raise Him He’s Not Your Son’, Florence is an intelligent and refreshingly original feminist voice. 

While speaking to Florence, I couldn’t help thinking – how is someone so wise at just 21? But then, why should there be a minimum age to learning these things? In this podcast episode, Florence doles out the sage advice many women wish they had as a teenager. She also introduced me to the cake and crumbs theory – to work on fulfilling your own needs – or 'bake your own cake' so you don't feel hungry enough to accept 'crumbs' of attention (like Instagram 'likes') from other people. Game-changer.

Florence Given’s debut non-fiction title is available now from Amazon, Waterstones and all good booksellers.

Twitter: @ChezSpecter

Instagram: @alonementofficial @florencegiven

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Introducing my joint first guest of season two, mental health activist Jonny Benjamin MBE! I laughed and I cried in equal measure while producing this episode, which has themes ranging from Jonny’s mental health journey; his experience of growing up gay in the Jewish community; and the perils of hiding your phone from yourself when you live alone. Jonny was SO funny and easy to talk to – qualities that make him ever the more inspiring in the wake of what he’s been through. In 2008, Jonny stood on the edge of Waterloo Bridge ready to take his own life – but was saved thanks to a chance intervention from a stranger. Since then, Jonny has dedicated his life to raising awareness surrounding mental illness and suicide. Even the Duke of Cambridge is a fan, providing the foreword to Jonny’s book, The Stranger on the Bridge. 

Jonny Benjamin’s book, The Stranger on the Bridge, is available from Amazon and Waterstones. 

If you enjoyed this episode – I’d LOVE it if you could leave a written review. It’s the absolute best way to help others discover the show.

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @mrjonnybenjamin 

Instagram: @alonementofficial

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From the word go, Poorna Bell was one of my DREAM guests for the podcast  – so I was a little bit delighted when she agreed to be on series one. 

We recorded this episode back in February, before Covid-19 worries really hit the UK, yet our conversation will resonate for anyone learning to value their alone time right now. 

Poorna shares how she discovered her need for time alone, with her thoughts, after her husband, Rob, died by suicide in 2015. She describes her life-changing solo travels – which she chronicles beautifully in her book, ‘In Search of Silence’ – and we weigh up Emma's Watson's polarising ‘self-partnered’ term. 

We also discuss the pitfalls of workplace culture and open plan offices – rather fitting for right now, when we’re all working from home. 

Poorna’s sensitivity, emotional intelligence and humour are the qualities that have always drawn me to her writing – and they shine through in this episode. I hope you enjoy it! 

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Enjoy this episode? Please do leave a written review – it makes all the difference to help others discover the show. 

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Poorna’s book, ‘In Search of Silence’, is available to order online from Amazon and from all good book stores. 

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Twitter: @ChezSpecter @PoornaBell 

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Instagram: @ChezSpecter @PoornaBell 

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Learn more about Alonement on www.alonement.com

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It's MAGIC Magid! This week’s guest, former Lord Mayor of Sheffield Magid Magid – often referred to as Magic Magid – is the first politician to appear on the show, and what a joy it was to speak with him. Magid is an absolute powerhouse: arriving in the UK at the age of four as a Somali refugee, he went on to become Sheffield’s youngest ever Mayor, taking up the role in 2018 at the age of 28, and also the first Muslim person to hold the position. He later went on to be a Member of the European Parliament in 2019 ahead of the UK leaving the EU. To add yet another accolade to this list – Magid was named as one of TIME Magazine’s top 100 global rising stars of 2019. During our conversation, we discuss how taking part in a month-long drug trial saved him from a period of intense loneliness, to the power of the internet to forge connections with strangers during a pandemic. We also discuss the value of prayer for Magid, who says praying five times a day – as part of his Muslim faith – helps to facilitate his alonement. I hope you’ll find this conversation just as surprising and inspiring as I did.

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Magid Magid's book, The Art of Disruption: A Manifesto For Real Change, is out now – order it on Amazon today.

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My book, Alonement: How to be alone and absolutely own it, is available to order now on Amazon, Waterstones, Bookshop.org and all good booksellers.

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Social media

Instagram: @alonementofficial @chezspecter @magicmagid

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @MagicMagid

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Ever struggled to set boundaries in your life? If this sounds like you (and – let’s face it – it's most of us), then this week’s episode, starring ‘The Joy of Being Selfish’ author Michelle Elman, will prove an absolute saviour. Michelle is a life coach and body positive activist, best known to her 300,000 social media followers for her global Scarred Not Scared campaign. Fascinatingly, we recorded this episode London to Hong Kong – where Michelle was beginning a 14-day stay at a quarantine hotel until a strict set of rules (she wasn’t even allowed a room key to enable her to leave). Still, Michelle is full of energy and sage advice: we discuss everything from her unique self-love mantra – ‘I’m going to love myself and not make it anyone else’s job’ – and the importance of alone time for learning to love yourself. We also have a candid conversation around the loneliness that comes from setting boundaries in your relationships with others. Finally, we discuss Michelle’s love of paddle boarding – which is, for her, the ultimate alonement.

You can order Michelle’s book, The Joy of Being Selfish, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

You can also pre-order my upcoming title, Alonement: How To Be Alone and Absolutely Own It, now from Amazon and Waterstones.

Twitter:

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@ChezSpecter

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@ScarredNtScared

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Instagram:

@alonementofficial

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@ChezSpecter

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@scarrednotscared

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Contact: press@alonement.com

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

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Alonement is a podcast dedicated to the most important relationship you will ever have: your relationship with yourself. Host Francesca Specter speaks to interviewees from Alain de Botton to Poorna Bell about the time they spend alone, and why it matters.

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

One of the great perks of recording this podcast is the chance to chat to some of my career idols. This week’s guest, former British Vogue editor Alexandra Shulman, is not only someone I’ve looked up to for years, but also my former boss. I began my career as a Vogue intern – where I picked up many of the skills that have seen me through my journalistic jobs, and got to see Alexandra – the longest-standing editor in Vogue’s history – in action.

In this episode, Alexandra reveals how her natural independence of thought and unflappability helped her succeed as a leader – ‘I’ve always had opinions’. She also shares honest anecdotes from her time at the magazine’s helm, including the time she got tongue-tied while sitting opposite Benedict Cumberbatch on a plane. It’s an anecdote about as far from The Devil Wears Prada – a film based on her US counterpart – as you can get.

We discuss everything from the myth of ‘having it all’ and single parenting to the role clothing plays in influencing your sense of self – a key topic at the heart of Alexandra’s latest book, ‘Clothes… and Other Things That Matter’ – available now on Amazon.

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Instagram: @chezspecter @alonementofficial @alexandrashulman

Twitter: @chezspecter @AShulman2

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It's the season finale! Since interviewing this week's guest Camilla Thurlow last month, I have been itching to share this episode with you. The bomb disposal expert turned Love Island star (and former Miss Edinburgh) is one of the loveliest, most articulate people I've ever had the privilege to interview, and I am absolutely empowered by her life philosophy of putting herself in challenging situations – from detonating landmines in Afghanistan to coming runner-up on a popular reality show. I hope you find yourself equally inspired.

I'd also like to announce – or, indeed, pre-announce – that I have some very exciting, alonement-related news to share with you early next month. I'll be taking a short break from podcasting – but, in the meantime, I will always love to hear from you on social media or via email. Your messages never fail to make my day.

Camilla's debut book, a memoir titled 'Not The Type', is available to buy now. 

Twitter: @ChezSpecter @camillathurlow

Instagram: @alonementofficial @camillathurlow

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