Accepting The Unacceptable, Parenting Autism, Epilepsy, Special Needs (Jody Warshawsky)
Explore every episode of Accepting The Unacceptable, Parenting Autism, Epilepsy, Special Needs
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| 26 Mar 2019 | 016 | Special Needs Siblings, How To Balance Siblings Needs | 00:58:08 | |
One of the biggest questions I get asked, is "How do you do it? How do you balance everyone and have a daughter with special needs?" The short answer is "whats balance?" Being a parent is hard stuff. Trying to raise children, giving them equal attention and time is the trick we are all trying to figure out. I have come to learn that it's not about being equal, but it's about nurturing each child's needs. In this episode, I talk about how we as a family have managed and not managed. I talk about what has been a struggle and what I have been able to do doing well. My hope is that you will leave feeling proud of the job your doing as a mom and to challenge yourself to work on some things that can make the whole family much happier.
Here are all the places to reach out and tell me what you think. Thanks so much. With Love, Jody
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| 16 Apr 2020 | 044 | Homeschooling 101 - with Sasha Long | 01:42:45 | |
This podcast episode is an amazing Zoom Call Meetup that I had with Sasha Long who is a BCBA, M.A., and the founder and president of The Autism Helper, along with a bunch of parents from the Accepting the Unacceptable Facebook Community. Sasha talks with us about her emergency homeschooling curriculum that she created, answers our questions, and breaks down everything from how to use visuals, create reinforcements for our kiddos, schedule our days, use token boards, and so much more! Watch the zoom call on Youtube Connect with Sasha
Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website | |||
| 26 Feb 2020 | 038 | Raising Teenagers and How I've Been Handling It | 00:33:40 | |
In today's episode, it's going to be a bit different because I am going to be talking about parenting teenagers. I will be explaining what happened recently with my son, why I decided to go public on social media, opening up a discussion about the challenges of raising teens, and where I am currently at with everything. I am loving connecting with you. Find me on social media or email me Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 07 Aug 2020 | 057 | Depression and Why You Aren't Alone - with Jody Warshawsky | 01:15:59 | |
Currently, I am going through a season of depression in my life. This is not a comfortable topic for me to talk about, but I realize how important and crucial this discussion is right now. I also know that one of the BEST ways to overcome it is to talk about it. So, that's what I am doing in this episode. This is just coming from my own experience and my own journey with depression, what I’ve found helpful, and advice I have for you if you are in a season of depression yourself. I hope that this can resonate with you and help you in some way. Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 18 Feb 2020 | 037 | How to Be an Advocate For Your Child pt. 1- with Zach Warshawsky | 00:33:13 | |
In today's episode, I am joined by my husband Zach, and we are going to be talking all about how to advocate for your special needs child. We will be sharing the struggles and experiences that we have gone through in order to build an incredible team around our daughter Remy and how we've been able to give her the resources that she needs to thrive. I am loving connecting with you. Find me on social media or email me Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website | |||
| 19 Feb 2019 | 011 | Autism, How To Get Your Childs Attention | 01:03:37 | |
Kids learn the most from watching others. They learn facial expressions, tones, sounds, speech, emotion etc. Our kiddos with autism have a harder time paying attention to all the details from people. This makes it harder for them to learn from others. A child with autism can become fascinated with an object or toy and miss out on essential learning opportunities that adults and other children can provide. For parents, learning how to be interesting enough to get a child's attention is a skill that takes can be learned. This is why I am so excited to be talking about ESDM. That stands for Early Start Denver Model. Its a type of therapy that parents can use to get the most out of their children so kids can thrive and learn and grow. This training is something the Zach and I learned when Remy was first diagnosed with autism and I believe that every single autism parent could benefit greatly from this training. We are going through a book called "An Early Start For Your Child With Autism" I highly suggest you buy it to follow along as well as get SO much more of the training. Find me on social and let me know what you thought of the episode. I would love input and feedback, suggestions, tips, comments. YOUR advice is how I can make the show better and more valuable. Find me in all the places 👇🏽 https://myurls.co/jodywarshawsky
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| 04 Jun 2020 | 048 | Injustice and Controversy: A Conversation About George Floyd and Myka Stauffer | 01:05:31 | |
So, this week I intended to put out a different podcast episode, but it just didn’t feel right. There are so many things going on in our world right now that it felt like it was important to address what is happening. The two big controversial topics that are discussed in this episode are the racism and injustice surrounding the story of George Floyd, and the sad and controversial story of the youtuber, Myka Stauffer. My friend and advocate Megan Carranza from the Adventures in Autism Podcast is joining me for this raw and real conversation about these difficult and uncomfortable topics. We get on our mics, without any preparation, and we just talk about it. Listen and let us know your thoughts! Here's how to connect with Megan Adventures in Autism Podcast: https://anchor.fm/megan-carranza Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/adventuresinautismpod/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adventuresinautismpod/?hl=en
Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 12 Feb 2019 | 010 | Autism, Our Story | 00:57:28 | |
Autism has become a very big topic of conversation in our society. I never really cared about the conversation to be honest, until I wondered about my daughter. The thought of autism is scary. We as a society fear it because we don't understand it. I know I didn't.
I will never forget those first days. The questions, the testing, the searching for answers. I was scared and sad and nervous. I was worried about Remy's future and wondering if I had it in me to know how to mother her. I now know that Remy having autism while challenging is just a part of her world. There's great things about it and there are challenges. I also talk about what you can do if you suspect your child might be on the spectrum and what you can do about it. Please find me on social media or my website
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| 21 May 2020 | 047 | Transitioning Back To Life After Covid Crisis | 00:35:17 | |
Download my free guide. 11 areas to focus on after an autism diagnosis
I got a DM asking me how I have such peace with Remy doing ABA right now with the COVID crisis still happening.
Heres where you can find me and say hello Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 01 Jan 2019 | 001 | Why Getting a Second Opinion is so Important | 00:28:19 | |
The topic of getting a second opinion isn't the most glamorous, I totally get it, but there is a reason I am starting here. When Remy first started having seizures, we assumed that the neurologist at the hospital (who sees thousands of epilepsy cases a year) would be able to guide us and show us the way. She was supposed to know everything there was to know about epilepsy and seizures and treatment, but as we found out, not only did she not know, she overlooked some critical information that would give us answers we desperately needed. I believe all of us parents should feel and know that our children are getting the very best treatment and care. But as we all eventually find out, a lot of times, our kid's aren't getting that level of care they deserve. Getting a second opinion (or third, or fourth) can give us answers that we would never have gotten if we only listened to one person's perspective. In this episode, I tell the story about Remys experience and what we learned. Thank you for joining me, and I hope this episode can help get the gears spinning if that is something you are considering for yourself.
To learn more about PCDH19 PCDH19 Alliance Website pcdh19info.org Also, if you want to check out the GenDX site, here is that link too https://www.genedx.com Here is where you can connect with me, and I hope you do :) facebook :
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| 17 Aug 2020 | 059 | How Anger Shows Up In Special Needs Parenting - With Jody Warshawsky | 00:34:55 | |
This episode is a heavy topic, but I am really excited about it. It is about anger and grieving what your old ideas or thoughts were for your child. It is a previously recorded episode and it's one of the first one I've ever done. I wanted to play it because the discussion of the stages of grief still rings true for any mom or any parent who is processing through a diagnosis for their child. If we don't process through it, the whole journey is nothing but pain, struggle, and agony. My biggest goal is to help you get to a place of acceptance. And I mean acceptance of all of it. Because that is when your soul is free, and you can dig in and parent the way you want, and learn from your child the way that you want to learn. Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 21 Jan 2020 | 034 | How to Accept the Unacceptable - Acceptance Part 2 | 01:04:47 | |
This episode is all about how to get to a place of accepting the things in our minds that we find unacceptable. If that's accepting a child's illness or autism diagnosis or just accepting something you always thought shouldn't be happening. I am loving connecting with you. Find me on social media or email me Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website | |||
| 01 Jan 2019 | 002 | Denial and Grieving the Child You Thought You Were Going to Have | 00:41:36 | |
Do you feel anger, jealousy, and resentment because your child isn't who you dreamed of when you thought about being a parent? Do you feel way over your head and that you and your child have been short-changed due to a medical diagnosis? Grieving over a life you prepared for and fantasized about is totally normal and actually very healthy. Us moms feel such shame around grieving because we are supposed to be thankful and grateful for what we have. But sometimes life has other plans, and we are just along for the ride. Denial is the first stage in grief and sometimes the hardest one to get over. But there are ways to be able to look at areas of fear and get through them even when we don't feel like we can face them. Every mom who has a child with a neurological disability, autism, epilepsy, etc., grieves. It is because of fear of the unknown and sadness that our child may suffer and we don't know how to help them. We are angry that all the dreams we had might never happen and we feel worried that life will be harder than our children and we can handle. The reason I am doing this podcast is that I had a PROFOUND event happen in my journey of being a special needs parent, that changed my life completely. I went from being utterly miserable, worried, filled with anxiety, jealous, confused, overwhelmed and afraid to complete and total acceptance. When I was able to accept that my daughter had epilepsy and autism and that life was going to look different for us, it changed the way I parented, it washed my fear away, it made my soul calm and rested. Acceptance gave me hope and excitement and filled me with unconditional love. Love for myself and my daughter and the situation. It made me appreciate the journey and what its here to teach me and the world and gave me the answer to the question “Why this disease and autism for Remy? Why me? Why anyone” This was 2 years ago, and ever since then, I want for EVERYONE who is raising a child with extra needs, to come to the point of complete and total acceptance. You deserve a life of joy happiness even though it looks different than you thought. But before we get there, we have to walk through the crummy stages first. I have decided to talk about the stages of grief being a special needs parent. If we spend all our time and energy in a state of resistance, we can never have the strength we need, or our children need to thrive in life. The first stage of grief and what this episode is about is denial. Denial comes in all shapes and sizes and is a natural defense mechanism to protect us. Sometimes the fear is so great, that denial is a way that makes us not have to face the fear. The goal is to recognize the areas that we really shouldn't ignore and realize we are stronger than we think, and we find the answers along the way. Enjoy this episode and tell me what you think. Here are all the places you can find me Facebook : Page: Accepting the Unacceptable https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/
Friend me: Jody Warshawsky https://www.facebook.com/jodywarshawsky
FB Group: Accepting the Unacceptable Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/
Instagram: Jody Warshawsky / Accepting the Unacceptable https://www.instagram.com/jody.warshawsky/
Website: acceptingtheunacceptable.com
E-mail: jodyandremy@gmail.com
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| 16 Jul 2020 | 054 | Grief, Acceptance, and Processing Special Needs Parenting - with Jody Warshawsky | 00:49:09 | |
This is a very different episode then the ones I’ve done in the past. I have had a lot on my mind and I wanted to share that with you. I believe that it really ties in to special needs parenting and has given me clarity about why I am even here, doing this podcast, and why I have such a passion to talk to parents with kids that have special needs. I share stories about my childhood, my relationship with my mom, grieving her death, and how I have become a stronger advocate for special needs families and a more understanding and accepting parent because of her. Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 31 Dec 2019 | 031 | I Lost 55 Pounds and This Is How I Did It - The Importance of Self Care As A Special Needs Parent | 00:45:22 | |
I am really excited to be talking about today's topic, which is mostly about my weight loss journey. I wanted to do this episode because it's New Year, and so many of us want this year to be the one that we change and experience amazing things. One of those things is self-care! A lot of times, we give so much to our families, friends, our job, and school, but you cannot pour from an empty cup. Sometimes you may go without sleeping or eating, and all of the comforts you are used to just so you can take care of everybody else. Often, when you are in survival mode, self-care is not on any list that you have. In this episode, I am going to be talking about my belief about self-care and how it has helped me in my weight loss journey. When Remy was diagnosed with autism and epilepsy, I thought a lot about the future. What would it look like for Remy? Would she be able to be independent, or would she even make it to adulthood? One of the biggest concerns of mine is that I am going to die before she does. Any parents want to die before their kid, but when you have a child with autism or special needs, you don't want that to happen because you don't know what will happen to them without you there. When you have someone, who could potentially be taken care of their whole life, the typical 18-year mark to adulthood extends to the length of time your child will be alive. So with that fear, we have to think of financial support, who will take care of them, if they will be put in a home, and we worry that no one will take care of them or love them like we would. We need to focus on how to take care of ourselves so we can be there for our kids as long as possible. The importance of self-care is one of those things we know is true but is so hard to practice. How do we take care of ourselves and love ourselves when we have so much on our plates? Over the years, since I've had children, I've been able to lose weight after each pregnancy. But it was especially hard once I had Remy to re-lose the weight again. When I had decided to start dieting again, Remy began having seizures, and I didn't feel like I could keep it up. I'd been on many diets before but fast forward five years, I hadn't lost weight, I was the heaviest I've ever been and completely miserable. I realized that I was using food to numb myself. It is really stressful to be a mom of four, and to watch your daughter have seizures all the time. But I realized that if I kept going and didn't keep myself in check, I wouldn't be around to help Remy as she got older. How I was feeling and the state of health that I was in, there is no way I would be able to take care of her if I didn't do something about it. For the first time in my life, I decided to practice self-love and to tell myself that it was okay even if I had let myself go and gain a bunch of weight. By loving and forgiving myself, it made me appreciative of the body that I have. I've never appreciated my body in my life. I began to appreciate it because I had acted unconsciously for the last seven years and my body still functioned. I was thankful that my body let me do damage to it and that it was still working. All of us special needs moms devote ourselves entirely to taking care of everyone else. We don't take care of the most important thing that gives us the ability to take care of others, which is our bodies, minds, and our happiness. I had a couple of breakthroughs with this journey. I listened to two different amazing podcasts, which helped me to realize that I can accomplish my weight-loss goals. I was successful enough to lose 20 pounds, but over the summer, I still struggled to lose anymore. It was over six months that I lost 20 pounds, but I wasn't very successful in the summer in my effort to increase my weight loss. It caused me to realize that the problem lay in what I was thinking. I would feel envious of different women that I saw on TV that seemed like they had everything they needed, and that was why they were successful at their weight goals. But I began to listen to the thoughts that I was thinking, and I realized that I have access to the same resources that other women do. The only difference is my mindset. My thoughts when I compared myself to other women had become a belief, and when it becomes a belief, it becomes the truth. The biggest thing that I have learned is that you cannot lose weight by being unconscious. You have to pay attention to what you are eating and why. Once I knew that all of the things I had previously been thinking were lies, that's when things started to take off. When you question yourself enough, the autopilot of your mind gets rid of old food habits. I am so excited to say that I was able to lose 55 pounds!! I'm so happy because the food doesn't control me anymore. I lost fifty-five pounds, and I am still going. I work out three to five times a week, I am stronger, and I feel amazing. I started by just making small changes and working on my mindset. In this episode, I also include a description of what my own diet looks like and how it's worked for me. If losing weight is on your list of things to do for the New Year, go check out the Losing 100 Pounds podcast. I know because I have done it! I believe that this year is going to be your year, it will be a new start, and I know that you will be unstoppable. Make this year different, and please let me know how it is going! We need to love ourselves so that we can be better parents for our kids! If we do not love ourselves, we will not be healthy enough to take care of our children or live as long as we could to be around for them. Shaming yourself will only make you feel worse. By feeling shame about how much weight you've gained, or how you've failed at your goals in the past, you are allowing yourself to have a negative mindset that won't improve the situation. You have been through a lot, and it is okay to love your body for still being there for you. The real work comes when you change your mindset. If you do not change your perspective about weight loss or other goals, you will not be able to change the patterns that you have been in. Mindset is the most important thing to retrain. You cannot eat unconsciously and expect to lose weight. If you are not aware of when or why you are eating, you will not be able to recognize your unhealthy habits or patterns and be able to adjust them accordingly. When you start talking to yourself and questioning all those thoughts, they lose their power and just go away. Our thoughts are conditioned to believe that we have to binge eat or that we aren't strong enough to resist dessert. Still, by challenging our own minds, we begin to train them to believe something else. Links mentioned in the show Online Marketing Made Easy Podcast with Amy Porterfield. https://www.amyporterfield.com/2018/11/239/ Losing 100 Pounds Podcast with Corrine Crabtree. https://www.phit-n-phat.com/blog/ Connect with me Email: jody@jodywarshawsky.com FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 12 Mar 2019 | 014 | Autism, Nonverbal Communication | 00:54:00 | |
One of the first warning signals we may have that our kids have autism, is the fact that they may not be able to speak. We look at the parenting books and see our kiddos are behind. We worry that they may never catch up. What if they are "non-verbal" forever? I think a lot of times, we skip ahead. We worry that they may never talk but before anyone learns how to talk, they learn how to use non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication is things like gesturing, pointing, using our hands and bodies. In this episode, I talk about how to teach your children how to use and understand non-verbal communication. Teaching my daughter Remy how to point gave her the ability to make choices and to let us know her needs. That right there is worth all the weight in gold. If you like this podcast, it would mean the world to me for you to rate and review it on iTunes. It only takes 2 minutes. But in doing so, you are helping other parents find this podcast and not feeling so alone. Thanks for stopping by. Hit me up on social media cause I would love to get to know you.
FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ | |||
| 24 Sep 2020 | 064 | (Q&A) How Do You Feel About People Using The R Word? | 00:35:51 | |
On this Q&A episode of the podcast, I am responding to a question I got on Instagram that was really really good! It's all about how offended we are when we hear the R word. In the special needs arena, that is very hurtful. I have a lot of thoughts about this because it's something I’ve struggled with over the last few years, and I’ve finally come to a certain peace with it. I want to share that because we need to talk about things like this and how the world views our kids or how they throw around hurtful or offensive words. We have to process through all the feelings that come with that because it's inevitable. It's all around us. So, I hope you will get a lot out of this and I would love to hear your thoughts on this as well. DM me or email me because I feel like this is a topic that we have to come together and talk about! Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 03 Sep 2020 | 063 |(Q&A) How Do You Balance Work, Family, and Self-Care as a Special Needs Mom? | 01:06:11 | |
In this episode, it's going to be a little different. I have had the idea of adding a second episode a week. I get a lot of questions from people, a lot of questions that are really good and important to me and to the special needs community, so I really want to discuss them with all of you. In this episode, and for future Q&A's, I am just going to answer questions. YOUR questions. Please let me know if this is something you enjoy and if you have anything you'd like to ask me, DM me on Instagram or Email me! Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 26 Mar 2020 | 041|Corona Virus and Why We'll Be Okay | 00:41:33 | |
We are in the middle of a pandemic. Our lives are changing and life is going through a massive shift for every single one of us. We just want to know that we’ll be okay. So, in this episode, I am going to tell you how we are all going to get through this and why we'll be okay. If you'd like to be a part of the Autism Hope Focus Group https://go.jodywarshawsky.com/autism-hope/ Here's how to connect with me Email: jody@jodywarshawsky.com FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 24 Aug 2020 | 061 | Depression and Feeling Hopeless - with Jody Warshawsky | 00:36:12 | |
When my daughter Remy was diagnosed with autism, I had ALL the feels. I struggled and I felt alone. I didn’t know how I was going to be the kind of mother that Remy needed, and I didn't understand why she had special needs. How could God do this to a child? Why did God choose me? What did I do to deserve this? But I had SUCH a radical transformation when I was able to go through truly grieving the child I thought I was going to have. It was such a hard thing to do, but I'm really happy and proud because I am in such a better place now. Yet, it wasn't always like that. In this episode, I am re-sharing about my experience with the stage of depression, how I was able to process my emotions and fears, and ultimately accept my daughter. Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 10 Dec 2019 | 028 | Perfectionism and Why Its Ruining Your Life | 00:52:18 | |
Are you someone who tends to be anxious, feel like you are never settled, or constantly experience fear and depression? Do you ever think you are not enough? If so, there is a chance that you could be a perfectionist. Being a parent of a child with special needs is a very challenging task. You might be fearful that you aren’t doing enough and as a result, worry that your child will not succeed because of you. Does this relate to you? If so, this episode is definitely for you! Today we are going to be talking all about perfectionism, how it affects our families and us in daily life, and discuss how we can manage and overcome this. Perfectionism is an epidemic in the society of motherhood, and especially for kids with special needs parents. An especially important concept that I have come to learn is that perfectionism is anything but a strength. In fact, it is a huge weakness that doesn’t have a lot of positives about it. In this discussion, I talk all about my upbringing, how I was raised by my grandparents, and how my childhood experiences shape the perfectionist tendencies in myself. When I found my husband-to-be and became pregnant with my first son, I thought that I could be a stay-at-home mom. I felt confident that if I could be half of what my grandmother was, then I could fulfill a purpose greater than myself. But because of my perfectionism, I would see what other moms were doing that I wasn’t, and this made me feel like a failure. Later in life, I was hired at a job with a corporation that felt out of my league. There was always a voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough and that everyone would eventually figure out that I was inadequate. I discuss an experience that I had at my job that still haunts me to this day. It is an example of what caused my perfectionism to become much worse and cost me my sanity because I wasn’t balanced. An essential fact that I learned through all of this is that you are never completely satisfied as a perfectionist. You will always think that you could improve something if you had more time. No matter what you really achieve, it is never going to be enough. To a perfectionist, having a child with special needs is almost a perfect recipe for disaster. Perfectionism relates to special needs parenting because you feel like this child needs a lot more than what you are capable of giving. I began to overthink and stress about everything that my daughter Remy required and felt like if I couldn’t do it, I would be a failure as a mom. The reason we put pressure on ourselves is that we feel like if we don’t do enough for our kids, they will grow up and fail in life. These thoughts can spiral out of control. It’s easy to say that if you don’t have the time to make it perfect, you won’t try at all. As a result, there are so many areas you can neglect with your kids because you don’t feel like you can give enough. The more perfect we try to be, the more alone we are. And the more we try to do ourselves, the more we procrastinate. If you are a perfectionist, this is coming out in every way towards your family, which is the worst thing that you can do. I have taken considerable steps in overcoming perfectionism when it comes to my family and especially my kids. I have to continually work at accepting that things aren’t going to be perfect. Instead of slowing down and thinking that everything doesn’t need to be accurate, I was exhausting myself by trying to keep up with my impossible standards. Maybe you are just like me, and you have perfectionist tendencies, or you don’t even realize that you have them. Perfectionism is killing you by making you anxious, stressed, and depressed. This energy is one of the most toxic things for you and your family. Are you someone who is calm, gives them attention, and is present with them, or are you, someone who is snappy, stressed out, anxious, and all over the place? Remember that your kids and your family are not going to care how perfectly the plan is that you put into place. What they will care about is how you show up in the world. Interesting Points (37:33) Perfectionism always stems from a fear of failing and not being enough. We have to teach ourselves to not be afraid to fail at times and to let others help us when we are incapable of doing something or simply don’t have the time or energy. (37:47) Being perfect cannot take the place of you being present with your family. When I look at the areas that I tried to be perfect, whatever that task is, the amount of time and energy spent on that one thing is more than a reasonable amount of time and energy than it should be. This is time that could be given towards spending it with your family and enjoying them instead of feeling stressed and anxious. (39:37) The most significant gift you can give your kids is your presence. They aren’t going to look back at their childhood and think about the things that you failed at. Children remember the time you spent with them and the energy and mindset that you project outwards in your behavior and actions, not the imperfections that you are dwelling on. (35:55) You cannot be everything for your child. You cannot do all of the things that your child needs and be a happy person. You have to allow yourself to let others help you to create balance. (46:40) Your sanity is so much more valuable than having everything perfect. Even if we could spend an excessive amount of hours on something, in our minds, it still wouldn’t be perfect. So we should stop trying to achieve perfection because we are sacrificing not only our valuable time and energy that could be devoted elsewhere but, most importantly, our mental health and wellbeing. Resources
Accepting The Unacceptable Community https://www.facebook.com/pg/acceptingtheunacceptable/about/ Other places you can connect with me jody@jodywarshawsky.com jodywarshawsky.com
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| 07 Jan 2020 | 032 | The Problem With Having the Perfect Plan For Your Special Needs Child | 00:56:23 | |
In this episode, I want to talk about the difference between preparing for something and planning for something. We all want the plan. When we walk out of the psychologist's office who just gave us the paper that says the word "autism" on it, we want the plan. We want the map that tells us where to go, what to do, what the right diet is or the right therapy, how we can get a hold of those resources, and ultimately what's next. But as you know, they don't give you anything but a piece of paper that says the word "autism." This fact alone can make us go into panic mode. We search for answers and get so many conflicting thoughts about what we should do. Now, couple this with all the thoughts that are going on in our minds, and it's no wonder that we as parents get a little freaked out. We go to the worst-case scenario all the time. What is my child going to be like when he/she gets older? Will I have to take care of them until I'm old? Will they ever learn how to speak? Will they ever be independent? Those are some typical freak out thoughts that just swirl around in our heads, making us paralyzed. But here is what I want to challenge you today. I want to introduce you to a different thought. What if we put too much emphasis on the "plan"? What if we focus way too much on trying to map out the journey just so we can have the peace of mind that we're headed in the right direction? Because we can't find that direction, we think we're doomed, and so is our kid. What if you thought more about preparing and less about the plan? To plan means to design in detail, like a building or a machine, while preparing methods to make everything ready for a specific future purpose. It is the same thing as having a child. You get pregnant and start planning. You go into this fantasy mindset and have a loose plan for this child's life. But we all know what happens when your child is born 2 months early and has to spend months in the NICU. Or you get an autism diagnosis, and your child has no words when they're 3 years old. You realize that the plan you've created in your head isn't lining up to reality, and you freak out. It feels like you don't know what the future holds, and you have no control, and that must mean death. I didn't plan to spend weeks in the hospital trying to figure out what was going to stop Remy's seizures. I didn't have a plan for how to teach Remy how to talk, to find a speech therapist and an ABA program, or train someone to watch my child so I could go on a date with my husband. This topic of planning vs. preparing came up for me during the craziness of the holiday season. There was a lot for our family in December. I had every day planned out, but nothing went according to plan, and I ended up spending the whole month in scrambling mode. I was so stressed the entire month that by Christmas day, I was burnt out. Looking back, I would have prepared for everything on my to-do list ahead of time so that when my plan didn't work out, I would be ready to face those challenges and adapt better. Eventually, you will learn that raising a child with special needs means that everything is unknown. Sometimes it takes time to accept this. Often, we are not going to be able to follow our plans, so better use of our time is to just prepare. Start a special needs trust, even if you have no money to put in it right now. If the worst happens, and in 30 years from now, your child isn't living on their own, at least you are prepared to financially support your child. Right now, you have no idea where that money will go, but in 30 years, when it's time to dip into that trust account, you'll have the money to decide how you'll use that. We have no idea where we are going to be or where Remy will be in the years to come. But one thing we do know is that she has an amazing doctor, she's learning daily living skills, and we live in a state where special needs services are abundantly available. We are also close to family and have a great nanny. All the big things we need to make it through life are in place. It takes a lot of work, in the beginning, to make it like this, but what that means is the plan we have for her has plenty of room for change and course correction. Making a plan isn't a bad thing. In fact, it is necessary. But when we put too much emphasis on a plan, we don't leave room for error when the plan doesn't go well. Think of it this way. Planning is going forward. Preparing is starting backward. Write down all the big picture things you want for yourself and your family, and specifically your child with special needs. Don't do this with fear, but see it as if you're creating the life you want your child to have. So, write down all of your wants. Then work backward and fill in loosely what needs to be put in place to create that life. You don't have to know precisely how you'll accomplish it. You'll learn that as you go. Just write down all your desires. What is it that you want for them? If you're trying to write goals and create your New Year's resolutions, I will start by figuring out the kind of life you want to live. How do you want to feel, and what are the important life-giving scenarios you want? Then work backwards. When you do this, the plan is super easy to figure out, and you're able to change the plan at any given moment.
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| 13 Aug 2020 | 058 | Denial and How It Plays a Role in Special Needs Parenting - with Jody Warshawsky | 00:52:02 | |
This episode is about denial and it is one of THE most important episodes of this entire podcast. What I know now is that when you are raising a child with special needs, there is a part of you that has to die. And I know that sounds a little crazy, but raising a child with special needs requires you to change. It requires you to become a better version of yourself. Through change comes grieving and processing through the feelings that you are having. I am replaying these episodes because they still ring true. This episode is all about denial and grieving the child you thought you were going to have. If you are someone who is processing through some sort of diagnosis, listen to this episode and to the next four upcoming episodes and let me know what you think! Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 20 Mar 2019 | 015 | So What Had Happened Was... (update on the podcast) | 00:10:08 | |
This weeks episode didn't go to plan. I recorded it, edited it and then just wasn't feelin it. I want to always make sure that you get the very best content so I decided not to publish something I didn't find the value in. Heres a little secret, the next direction is up to you. For the next several episodes, I will talk about what you want to hear. So here is your homework. Email me and let me know what you want me to talk about. Do you have questions? What do you struggle with? What are the topics that you would find valuable? Are there certain people you would love me to interview? who are they? what are the topics you are interested in hearing from experts in? I am here for you. I am excited to serve you in whatever way I can and I would love to know what you want to hear. So email me or find me on social media and send me a DM. Here are all the places you can find me FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ | |||
| 09 Jul 2020 | 053 | When Life Gives You Two Ends of the Spectrum - with Stephanie Hanrahan | 00:58:06 | |
I am so excited to have Stephanie Hanrahan on the podcast for this episode because she is so vulnerable and unafraid to talk about the hard areas of her life. She shares the personal story of having a husband with a chronic illness, what its really been like being a mom of two kids on the spectrum, and how she achieved success by opening up and unashamedly sharing her truth through her website Tinkles Her Pants. I can't wait for you to listen! Here's how to connect with Stephanie Website https://www.facebook.com/TinklesHerPants https://www.instagram.com/tinklesherpants/ Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 28 Jan 2020 | 035 | Why Don't You Want People to Know He Has Autism? | 01:14:06 | |
Have you ever been worried about what people would say or think if they knew your child had autism? If you are, your not alone. One of the many worried we have around raising a child with autism is what others think of them. I'm talking today all about the judgment of others and why it might be time to start letting others into your journey. Email: jody@jodywarshawsky.com FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 18 Dec 2019 | 029 | How To Be Courageous In The Face Of Adversity - with Brittany Joseph | 00:56:46 | |
In this episode, Im really excited to be joined by my friend Brittany Joseph who is a 26-year-old mother of five children that are between the ages of nine and two. She's married to her high school sweetheart, who is currently employed in the Air Force. She walks us through her experience with becoming a mom at a young age and what it was like going through her journey of finding out that her daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy and autism. Some valuable points discussed in this episodes are You can come back from anything that you are going through. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, there are ways to come back from decisions that you have made or anything that you go through. Brittany wanted to show her kids this by going back to highschool after having a baby to finish her education. To accept childs autism diagnosis, its normal to grieve the death of the fantasies you have for your child. Rainey is still the same girl, but Brittanys dreams for her had to shift. You can’t do it alone. Everybody needs somebody. Whether its a friend, a bishop, a parent, or a cousin, theres always somebody out there to talk to! Find an outlet. Not everyone has a group of people, and that’s okay. Reach out to someone, because there will always be that person there to listen to you and hear you out. Things will get better eventually. It may not seem like it now, but if you give it time, you will be able to look back and see that things have improved. It may take years, but it is possible that eventually, you will be able to see the growth and the progress that has been made. Contact Info: Facebook- Brittany Sierra Joseph Instagram- @josephbunch.7 Joodys contact Email:
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| 11 Mar 2020 | 040 | How Music Improves Social Communication and Auditory Processing Disorder - with Julianne Hartley | 01:26:08 | |
I am SO excited about today’s episode because I am speaking with Julieann Hartley who is a board-certified neurologic music therapist. We are going to be talking all about how we can use music therapy to help support emotional resilience, coping skill development, communication, and auditory processing disorders in children, adults, and people that have Dementia and Alzheimers. Here's how to connect with Julieann Instagram: Miss Julieann Instagram Facebook : Miss Julieann Facebook Website: https://www.missjulieann.com/ Therapeutic Songs for Kids Album: Miss Julieann Spotify Therapeutic Songs for Kids Youtube Miss Julieann Youtube (other videos and demonstrations) If you'd like to be a part of the Autism Hope Focus Group https://go.jodywarshawsky.com/autism-hope/ Here's how to connect with me Email: jody@jodywarshawsky.com FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 03 Dec 2019 | 027 | Expanding Your Family After an Autism Diagnosis - With Leah Behrens | 00:43:52 | |
Today, I am joined by Leah Behrens who is the author of the blog The Behrens Den and an amazing wife and mother to three children. Two of which have autism.
Leah shares her journey into motherhood, dealing with an autism diagnosis for both of her children, how to make your marriage work, experiencing a miscarriage, and advice for anyone who is thinking about having another child after a diagnosis.
Leah found out that she was pregnant when she was nineteen. Because she became pregnant so young, her friends were in a completely different stage of life, so she felt very disconnected from them and it was an isolating time for her. She began to realize that she was experiencing postpartum depression and she talks in depth about how she was able to work through it.
It took Leah awhile to accept the first child’s diagnosis. To cope, she dove into everything involving autism. Leah began to realize that she was only putting a band aid on the real issue.
“There is a unique grieving process you must go through when you get the diagnosis. You are in denial, you may blame yourself, question if it is something you did wrong or are being punished for and feel guilty for all of these emotions. You have to let yourself feel these things, because it is the only way you can eventually reach acceptance. “
The first diagnosis was scary because she didn’t know what to expect or what her life would be like. After Leah received her daughter’s diagnosis, it was easier for her because it was the second time around and she had already accepted it. It allowed her to view her daughter differently and to have more patience with her. As a result, she began to experience a deeper connection with her kids because she finally began to understand them.
There is such a high divorce rate of parents who have kids with autism. Leah and her husband struggled because they were dealing with accepting their children’s new future on their own. Leah needed a partner to go to and talk about the anxieties she felt. when she finally vocalized that, the diagnosis strengthened their marriage. It connected them in a way she didn’t think they would be otherwise.
Leah experienced a miscarriage when she tried to have a third child. Going through this felt like the joy of pregnancy went away for her and she was sad because her fear of miscarrying again took away any possible excitement. She felt similar feelings as she did towards an autism diagnosis. She had to grieve the loss of her child and the realization that she couldn’t feel the joy of being pregnant. Leah learned that you can be sad that you are missing out on something, but also enjoy what you do have.
So many people are scared to have more kids if they already have a child with special needs. Having a third child didnt alter Leah’s life, because she was already there with her other two children. Her third child was a unique and wonderful experience because she didnt have any expectations for her and just allowed her to be who she is.
“For anyone considering having another baby and feeling terrified, just do it! There will be things that adults won’t be able to teach your children that younger siblings can. That baby will bring so much joy to your family because you have already gone through so much trauma and now you will get to just enjoy your child.”
“A final and important thing to remember is that your child is the same kid that they were before they received the label. They were already going to do or not do the same things as before. Your son or daughter is still the most amazing human being and it is okay to feel sad about it and also enjoy your life with them! “
Important Notes: Everyone grieves when they go through an autism diagnosis. You have to grieve the dreams you had for your kid. They can still do those things, but it will look differently for them. You have to accept that what their future will be is not as easy as it once looked, but they are strong enough to face anything.
Allow yourself to feel everything. It is important to give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling. It is key to acceptance and there is no way around it. You have to let yourself work through all the stages of what normal grief is. When you do this, a weight will be lifted off your shoulders. Because it is so heavy to carry all the anger and regret. But when you let your child be the way they are, you will see that life becomes easier.
If you don’t go through it together, you don’t make it out together. So many people are not struggling together, grieving together or praying together. Both you and your spouse are grieving and are not giving each other your best. It can become easy for arguing to become a natural reflex to deflect and express the frustration you are feeling about something else.
It is okay to stop mid argument and breakdown what you are actually upset about. Your argument with your spouse could be because of something else going on. Its okay to just be done arguing, you don’t have to over talk things. You don’t have to wait for the argument to end to come to that conclusion. Sometimes it’s helpful to just stop and really think about why you are reacting.
Remember that your child is the same kid that they were before they got that label. They already were going to do the same things or not do the same things as before. Your son or daughter is still the most amazing human being as always. It’s okay to be sad about it and also enjoy your life with them. It is much more rewarding and beautiful and so much less stressful to give your child permission to be who they are.
Leahs Contact Info
Instagram; leahbehrens Blog: The Behrens Den
Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website | |||
| 09 Apr 2020 | 043 | Turning Panic Into Purpose | 00:59:35 | |
In this episode, we are talking about how to turn panic into purpose. Whether you are processing a special needs diagnosis, an autism diagnosis, or you are in the middle of a COVID-19 situation, whatever it is, I am going to be talking about four steps that you can take in order to use what you are going through as fuel to bring a sense of purpose to your life. If you'd like to be a part of the Autism Hope Focus Group https://go.jodywarshawsky.com/autism-hope/ Here's how to connect with me Email: jody@jodywarshawsky.com FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website | |||
| 07 May 2019 | 021 | ABA Therapy - With Ashleigh Guich | 00:55:29 | |
ABA therapy (Applied Behavior Analysis) is a common type of therapy offered to people on the spectrum. But what is ABA therapy? Today I am speaking with Ashleigh Guich, BCBA all about ABA therapy and how it's used for people with autism as well as anyone else who can benefit from changing behaviors and learning good communication skills If you like this episode, DM Ashleigh and tell her what you thought. She is also happy to help in any way with questions or inquiries
Find Ashleigh on Instagram @bridging.differences.aba/ Email Ashleigh@bridgingdifferencesaba.com Website Bridging Differences ABA
Did you leave a review yet? Dont forget, it helps other people find this content.
thanks so much, Jody
jodywarshawsky.com jody@jodywarshawsky.com
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| 14 Jan 2020 | 033 | Acceptance and What Gets In Our Way | 00:55:32 | |
| 29 Jan 2019 | 008 | Im Not Doing So Well At This Mom Stuff | 00:32:06 | |
Today I had a hard day. Do you ever have those days where you just feel like everything you do is wrong? You don't have anything figured out? The laundry is piled up, You haven't read your kid a bedtime story in forever, you haven't showered in 2 days, motherhood isn't quite fulfilling your sense of worthiness, you are questioning if you are doing anything right. I had that day today. The to-do list was longer than the completion list. Sometimes I feel like I should know how to juggle everything all the time. I have been a mom for 16 years, I mean, I should have this thing down pat right? In this episode, I am getting very vulnerable. I am sharing all my fears, shortcomings, worries, and feelings of inadequacy. I have to believe that I am not the only one with bad days like today. Yeah, of course, us moms have bad days when our kids are in the hospital or having a very hard time because of neurological challenges, those are obvious. I am talking about bad days that we just don't feel we are enough. This episode is very important because us moms need to know we aren't alone. we ALL struggle. Some of us struggle in areas that others succeed in and vice versa. If we didn't have these hard days, worries, feelings of inadequacy, then we aren't human. just sayin I think we have these feelings because there are things we can improve on. We always have room to grow. But what I am learning is that shaming ourselves and putting ourselves down doesn't help. I hope you listen through my weaknesses list because I have a strategy I use to balance those feelings. What if after we spent time focusing on all the ways we don't measure up, we spent some time listing all the ways we are killing it. The things we are doing right. With this exercise, you will get a better perspective that you are doing a good job. You might not have everything figured out but there are things you are doing right and as moms, its so important that we are able to focus on those things as well. If I can do it, YOU DEFINITELY CAN TOO Let me know how this episode impacted you. email me, leave me an iTunes review or DM me on social media. | |||
| 05 Mar 2020 | 039 | What Severe Non-Verbal Autism Really Looks Like - with Brittney Crabtree | 01:32:36 | |
I am so excited to have Brittany Crabtree on my podcast today to share her story. So many of us are scared when you think about getting an autism diagnosis. It feels like we're alone on an island and no one could possibly understand. Brittney is the mother of 4, 2 of which have autism. Brittney was one of the first moms I met after Remy was diagnosed with autism who had walked the walk. Her story is one that needs to be heard and I'm honored to have had the opportunity to bring her story to you. We are more connected than we think. Reach out to Brittney and introduce yourself. She is one of those people that anyone is lucky to know. Heres how to connect with Brittney Email rubycakesofca@gmail.com Website: www.rubycakescookies.com Instagram: @rubycakesofca FB: rubycakescookies
heres how to connect with me Email: jody@jodywarshawsky.com FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 07 May 2020 | 045 | 11 Areas to Focus on After an Autism Diagnosis Pt. 1 | 01:00:55 | |
I am SO excited about this topic. In this episode, I am talking about the eleven MOST important areas that should be focused on after an autism diagnosis. These are all things that I have really thought about over the years and have first-hand experience with after 5 years of being a mom to a daughter with autism. This is a breakdown of the FREE GUIDE that I put together that specifically talks about the 11 areas to focus on. If I had it to do over again, I wish that I could follow these steps and know what to do when I first received my daughters diagnosis. Resources FREE "11 Areas to Focus On" GUIDE Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website | |||
| 05 Feb 2019 | 009 | How I Use Cannabis For My Daughter's Seizures | 00:32:58 | |
CannabisThere's so much talk about cannabis with our kiddos seizure disorders. It's also a big topic for kids with autism too. Since our daughter Remy started having seizures, the number one topic people bring up is "Have you tried cannabis?" The reason is that medical marijuana has been successful at treating some of the worst types of epilepsy that the other pharmaceuticals cant touch. Its only natural that we would be curious to see what it could do. The results might surprise you. You can find the show notes at jodywarshawsky.com/009 | |||
| 11 Feb 2020 | 036| How To Stop Comparing Ourselves To Others | 00:45:51 | |
In the world of special needs, comparison can be extremely painful. When our child isn’t able to do something that they should be doing, it’s natural to wish that they weren’t struggling. It’s normal for us to want to make things better in our life when everything isn’t going well. The problem starts when we begin comparing ourselves and our children to others. So, this episode is all about how to stop comparing and focus on our blessings!
Heres where I hang out, send me a hello and let me know how your doing. Would love to hear from you. | |||
| 16 Apr 2019 | 019 | You Are Enough | 00:25:15 | |
We all want to be the best parents. I remember when I was pregnant with my first son, I was going to be the best mom there ever was. I wasn't going to make all those mistakes that everyone else did. Fast forward to having a child with autism and epilepsy. My daughter Remy. She needed a different kind of mom. A kind that had all her ducks in a row and who knew how to do it all. But that mom doesn't exist. All she is left with is me. I am not perfect. I am far from it. I feel most of the time that I am not even worthy of such a task of raising her and being what she needs me to be.
I actually now don't even think its all that bad. It means that we care. If you are having a hard day today, this episode is for you. | |||
| 22 Jan 2019 | 007 | Making Peace With Drugs / Pharmaceuticals / Medications | 00:57:59 | |
Having a daughter (she's 5) who has such severe seizures, our medication protocol is essential to be the very best. But I have to be honest, drugs scare me. There are so many side effects. I wish I could have the magic pill. The one that would cure Remy (my daughter) with zero side effects and we could just live happily ever after. So today we are talking about how the decisions of our kid's medications are critical to get right, extremely scary and risky and how its always going to be an ongoing conversation. Just because you come up with the perfect plan now, doesn't mean that you won't have to change that plan in a month or two or three. That's all ok. I share the two scariest moments in Remy's history, tips for you to choose the right meds for your kids and I share the questions that will help you make the perfect decision when creating your child's medication protocol. I wish I had this list a few years ago. would have saved me so much headache. Get a copy of this list for your next doctor's visit Freebie Cheat Sheet Show Notes FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/
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| 08 Jan 2019 | 005 | Depression and Grieving the Child You Thought You Were Going to Have | 00:30:39 | |
Depression is the peak of grieving and almost guaranteed at some point in the journey of special needs parenting. Depression affects all of us, and the reason why it's important to talk about it is that there are ways out of it. We don’t have to be depressed forever even though sometimes it feels like we will. What I have learned about depression, is that getting through it takes work. It's not something that just goes away.
Getting to the acceptance stage of grieving is the most crucial stage. When we get to that stage, a whole new world opens up. A world of clarity and hope and peace and purpose. We start to see that whatever circumstance we are in, it can be a blessing instead of a curse. And I don’t know about you, but that is all I want. I want to live a life where I am happy, my family is happy no matter what our circumstances are.
In this episode, I talk about 5 strategies that help with depression. They aren't necessarily a cure, but ways to help cope in a time where your mind is fragile.
Be kind to yourselfWhen you are going through a traumatic time, like being at your child's bedside in the hospital or getting through a significant diagnosis, its completely understandable that its hard. Instead of beating yourself up and having shame for how you are feeling, give yourself some compassion.
Imagine you are looking at the little girl (or boy) version of yourself. What is it that that child needs to hear. That child still lives in you so be kind and be gentle. You are only human.
Take care of your brainYour brain is an organ. Take care of it. If you are depressed, your brain is sick. It needs to be treated with the most care. Just like a person with heart disease should watch their sodium intake, a person suffering liver damage should stay away from alcohol, someone who is depressed needs to stay away from anything negative that can be removed. If you feel bad about yourself when you are scrolling through Instagram, shut it off. If you have a negative friend who drains you, take a break from them. If certain TV makes you feel sad, change the channel. All of those things are fine to a healthy brain but one that is depressed needs as much positive stimulation as possible
Just say NODon't take on any more responsibility than you need to. For me, I was used to always being the one who volunteered to throw a party or help out in school. When Remy was spending so much time having seizures, and it took all of our focus, I needed to drop anything that was essential. The things that I didn't drop, got so little of my attention, it only made me more stressed out that I couldn't show up the way I was used to. Just say NO
Don't make any huge life decisionsYou know that move you always wanted to make across the state or that job you really wanted to take. You know how you always wanted another child, stop those conversations and don't move. Making decisions during times of crisis and depression only lead to more suffering and stress and overwhelm. Hold off on those big decisions unless they immediately alleviate something challenging. For example, if moving across state gets you closer to family or better doctors, suck up the move and go. If you just think it would be nice to live in another house, stay where you are and think about that in a year.
GET HELPGo see a therapist or doctor. You need to do whatever is necessary to be the best version of you. Even if that stretches your finances. There is only one you, and it's your job to make sure you are ok. If you can't find childcare, bring your child with you or do an appointment over skype or the phone. Don't let anything get in your way of getting the right help or right medication.
Bonus- Do whatever it takesWhat worked for me, is to listen to a gazillion podcasts, youtube videos and read tons of self-help books. It was vital for me to drown out all the negative thoughts that I was so addicted to. With seeing a different perspective, I started to look at the lessons in every heartache and the joy of the good moments. I learned the practice of worrying less and living in the moment. Below there are some links to some of the videos that I have LOVED.
(I didn't mention these in the episode but they are also VERY helpful for getting you in a better state of mind. Eat whole foods, exercise and meditate. Youtube how to do that, I am still learning myself)
If you are in a season of depression just know that you are not alone, it's entirely normal to be going through depression and you CAN get better.
Links Here are some of the suggested links you can check out. The first is a link to a webpage for a podcast I highly suggest about depression
This episode was done beautifully. Her podcast is about online marketing, but this particular episode just speaks to depression. I HIGHLY suggest you listen.
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| 05 Mar 2019 | 013 | Autism, How To Teach Your Child To Play With Others | 00:43:20 | |
| 02 Apr 2019 | 017 | Self Care | 00:34:47 | |
Do you ever feel overwhelmed, stressed, bitter and resentful at doing the mother thing? When your kids act up or have a meltdown and you have only had 2 hours of sleep, how does that make you feel? I know for me that when I don't practice self-care, that's when the stress and overwhelm come in. Today we are talking about the importance of self-care when raising a child with a disability.
We think that getting our nails done or going out with a girlfriend or spending that extra money on a gym is selfish when in reality, it feeds us the fuel we need to be the best moms we can be. I am still learning this myself and have a ways to go. Tell me what you think about this episode. You can find me on Instagram @jodywarshawsky
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| 24 Jun 2020 | 051 | From Loss and Tragedy to Love and Autism - with Nicole Gottesmann | 00:48:40 | |
In this episode, I am interviewing Nicole Gottesmann, who shares her powerful story of overcoming the tragedy and grief of losing her husband, her experience with getting an autism diagnosis for her son Gabe, dealing with breast cancer, and through it all, how she was able to find love again. Nicole's story is so beautiful and she is such an amazing example of resilience and determination. I can't wait for you to listen! Here's how to connect with Nicole https://www.instagram.com/nicolegottesmann/ https://www.facebook.com/fortheloveofgabepage Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 01 Jan 2019 | 000 | All About The Show - Starting From The Beginning | 00:34:07 | |
All About the Show - Starting From the Beginning
Page: Accepting the Unacceptable Friend me: Jody Warshawsky Group: Accepting the Unacceptable Community Instagram: Jody Warshawsky / Accepting the Unacceptable
acceptingtheunacceptable.com E-mail: jodyandremy@gmail.com | |||
| 14 May 2020 | 046 | 11 Areas to Focus on After an Autism Diagnosis Pt. 2 | 00:41:34 | |
Today, we are finishing up the topic about 11 Areas to Focus on After an Autism Diagnosis. I wanted to talk about this because when Remy was diagnosed with Autism, we didn’t have a manual, directions, or any type of instructions. I didn't have a guide, so I created one. It has been about 5 years now, and I can really see what has worked and what hasn't. So this is my love note to you. It is finishing up the breakdown of the FREE GUIDE I put together that specifically talks about the 11 areas to focus on. Resources FREE "11 Areas to Focus On" GUIDE Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website | |||
| 19 Aug 2020 | 060 | I'll Do Anything to Change My Child's Diagnosis - with Jody Warshawsky | 00:47:17 | |
Today’s topic is ALL about bargaining. The word bargaining is confusing for a lot of people, and whenever we talk about the stages of grief, we don't even know what it really is and want to move on to the “better” stages, because who needs bargaining? But it's one that will actually keep us stuck the longest. I don't think we even realize we are doing it. So, in today’s podcast, you'll learn all about what bargaining is and what it isn't, and why it's the foundation for getting to that place of acceptance. Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 26 Nov 2019 | 026 | Beliefs, How Your Belief System Shapes Your Special Needs Child | 00:49:05 | |
Every single one of us holds beliefs that we believe are true. Do you know that our beliefs shape both our happiness and our misery? What we believe can help us to raise our child with autism and special needs to be strong and independent and happy, or it can help them to grow up feeling like a victim and that there is something wrong with them.
In this episode, we are talking about the topic of beliefs. We don't often realize that the beliefs that we hold so closely shape everything in our lives. Our reality that we view the world is framed by the set of beliefs that we have. It can be challenging to look at them in our own lives because it has been ingrained into us since we were little children. We've been trained and conditioned by the people in our lives. Because we've thought that way for so long, it's easy to believe it still.
The parents and adults in young children's lives fear the topic of special needs, and they teach their children not to stare or talk about them. They are taught not to look at someone different, and as a result, it puts into their minds that people with special needs should be feared. It is easy as an adult to still feel like it is the truth when you grow up with this belief that is there from such a young age. It is especially easy to take something as fact when there is a large group of people that feel the same way about something. Many people that hold a negative view about special needs often don't have anyone in their life that has any disability. I discovered that most of the beliefs I had were based on other peoples' uninformed opinions.
Growing up, I was influenced by the people around me and their view about children with special needs, and this shaped my negative thinking when I received Remy's diagnosis. I used to believe that Remy's autism and epilepsy was a curse placed on her life. She was a beautiful and perfect little girl in every way, and her life was cursed because she had crippling seizures and was unable to communicate or interact with people like other children could. I had to start asking myself what the positives were about Remy's situation. What could be the reason that she has autism and epilepsy? I learned that when you question your beliefs and ask yourself why you believe something, you'll be able to see that a lot of those beliefs are not true and that your fear is just that. It's fear.
When you have low expectations, then the very things you are afraid of are going to be true. Your child can feel your energy, even if you are not verbally communicating it. If you think that your child is a victim, then that is what they will grow up feeling like, and it can create anxiety for your child and a sense of dependency. They will not think that they are capable of being independent or confident in themselves unless you believe that they are.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Our weaknesses or things that we think are weaknesses are there to help teach us and to help us grow and evolve. Our strengths are the special things that we can give to the world. Remy is here to change the world. Because of my actions and everything I believe aligns with that belief, it will inevitably happen. This enables me not to feel any fear about her future. When people have a change of heart, they will start to have a different perspective about people with autism and epilepsy, and that will influence other people in their lives and challenge their ignorant beliefs and so on. That is how your child can change the world!
It is a process to accept your child's diagnosis. The only way that your beliefs can truly change is if you acknowledge that they exist. Then you can start to think differently and believe differently, and that is when you will see that your life changes, your parenting style changes, your child changes, and ultimately, complete change happens.
Interesting Points:
(6:30) Beliefs are things we can change; they aren't facts. They are just a set of guidelines that we use to go about our lives. When I started to question the beliefs that I had, I was able to start seeing the beauty of autism and epilepsy. There is beauty in it because epilepsy, autism, and other special needs are there as a tool to teach us and awaken us and to show appreciation for the contrast in life.
(17:50) If we have a victim mentality, then every single action that we take is rooted in that belief, and we are leaving a devastating fate to our kids. The worst thing you can do is make a conclusion about your child before they are grown because you are setting whatever negative belief that you have about their future. I had to begin to look at what I believed and realize that what I thought about special needs was a small way of thinking. Asking questions about my own beliefs was the seed of what the power of Remy's purpose was.
(21:41) A cultural belief doesn't mean that what they believe is true. My experience with my daughter was very different than my experience with the things I heard before I had her. What people believed about autism and special needs was not correct because most of those beliefs came from people who didn't have someone in their life with autism or special needs.
(22:45) If you cant except your child, and you believe they are cursed, then what you are putting out into the world is more of that unacceptance and fear. It is not about the words you say but the energy around it. You may want the best for your child, but deep down, if you think that there is something wrong with your child, anything that comes out of your mouth or any energy is going to reflect that belief.
(25:13) All behavior is a form of communication, and whether you understand it or not doesn't make it any less communication. If you have the belief in you that your child is a victim, then you are putting that on your child, and even if you don't say it with words. You can be saying positive reinforcing messages with your words, but if your belief is something different, that is what they will hear. They will start to grow up thinking there is something wrong with them and that they are less than. When they become adults, they won't be able to function because the only messages they ever got were that they are a mistake.
Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website | |||
| 30 Jul 2020 | 056 | How Hope Can Help You Process an Autism Diagnosis - with Sherilyn Toro | 00:58:42 | |
On this episode, I am talking with Sherilyn Toro who is an amazing mama of two kids. Her daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when she was ten years old, and her son, Gabe, was recently diagnosed with Autism. She is so incredible and openly shares about her hopes and fears surrounding her son’s diagnosis, how important Early Intervention was to his growth, her grieving process, how everything has affected her marriage, and what having two children with very different diagnoses is like. Sher has come such a long way on her journey and the wisdom and hope that she gives are things that I wish every mom could know at the beginning. Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism Here's how to connect with Sher Website https://www.instagram.com/shersharesblog/ | |||
| 30 Apr 2019 | 020 | I Accept My Childs Diagnosis But... | 00:46:39 | |
Hey there, do you ever get into weird funks in life? I totally get it, Im there right now. It just seems like sometimes life gets heavy In this episode, I talk about a bunch of things. Depression, IEPs, Vaccines, Acceptance. All the stuff on my mind. But what's really on my mind is what does acceptance really mean? Can you accept your child but? I tell you what I think in this episode. Thanks for listening.
With love, Jody PS Hit me up on Instagram, I would love to chat | |||
| 02 Apr 2020 | 042 | Getting Through This Crisis | 00:40:25 | |
This episode is all about the seasons of life. I think this topic is SO important right now because we are in a season of life where a pandemic has caused the whole world to pretty much be locked in their houses. We may be in a difficult season right now, but trust me when I say no season lasts forever. The more we accept this, the easier it is to get through the ups and downs because we know it's just part of life. So I will be talking about how we can get through each season and even more importantly, how we can learn from it. If you'd like to be a part of the Autism Hope Focus Group https://go.jodywarshawsky.com/autism-hope/ Here's how to connect with me Email: jody@jodywarshawsky.com FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 09 Apr 2019 | 018 | How Our Marriage Survived Special Needs Parenting - Zach Warshawsky | 01:04:59 | |
Zach Warshawsky shares what he has learned about marriage and how hes managed to put his marriage first despite the medical diagnosis of our daughter Remy. Here are some of the links mentioned in the episode The router we use to manage parental controls for our teenagers. https://jodyslinks.com/disneycirclerouter It allows us to manage the amount of time they get and when they get it. It has filtering to block all the explicit content and you as a parent have complete control on their phones, tablets and ANY wifi connected device. EVEN WHEN THEY are on someone else's wifi!!! You can find us here Zach Warshawsky Profitable Media, LLC Website | www.ProfitableMedia.com LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/zachwarshawsky/
Jody Warshawsky FB Page | www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram | www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ email | jody@jodywarshawsky.com Website | www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 01 Jan 2019 | 003 | Anger and Grieving the Child You Thought You Were Going to Have | 00:32:42 | |
When you are grieving for a child you THOUGHT you were going to have, Anger is a big part of that grief. For me, watching my daughter Remy suffer through multiple hospital stays, seizure after seizure and seeing the apparent intellectual disabilities unfold, I have seen my fair share of anger. But the anger comes out in subtle ways. Snappiness, resentment, jealousy, being short-tempered not just the outbursts you think of. When you realize you have no control over your child's health, it feels as if you are meant to just watch them suffer.
In today's episode, I talk about how normal it is to be angry when you are trying to get through the challenges of parenting a child with autism or epilepsy. I also talk about how it can be beneficial and a detriment. You will see the easiest way to get over being angry all the time and why it's so important to focus on all your blessings, as hard as it is.
Thank you for stopping by and find me and let me know what you think of the show
Facebook : Page: Accepting the Unacceptable Friend me: Jody Warshawsky Group: Accepting the Unacceptable Community
Instagram: Jody Warshawsky / Accepting the Unacceptable
Website: Acceptingtheunacceptable.com
E-mail: jodyandremy@gmail.com
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| 01 Jan 2019 | 004 | Bargaining and Grieving the Child You Thought You Were Going to Have | 00:43:27 | |
Have you ever thought to yourself that you would give ANYTHING to cure your special needs child? Would you do anything to take their suffering away? Do you ever regret certain choices you have made or thought you have obviously done something wrong to deserve a child who is sick? In this episode, I talk about bargaining and grief. When you bargain, it's your way of trying to gain control of the situation. It makes you irrational and miserable because it never leads to anything but pain. This is part of the course having a child with neurological differences. You love your child so much that you would give your life to make it better for them. But what if that isn't the path for them? What if you embraced them exactly the way they are right now? Does that mean you don't stop trying to help them? Nope, it sure doesn't. I mentioned in this episode a couple things.
Megan Absten https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTsxZQKRU5M
Bedazzled https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedazzled_(2000_film)
AcceptingTheUnacceptable.com | |||
| 15 Jan 2019 | 006 | Acceptance, Accepting the Child You Have | 00:46:49 | |
Acceptance sounds like a poetic and silly thing to talk about. Especially when we are talking about a child we haven't lost. Sure, we all know that you should accept your child. But what if they have a disease or neurological condition and you just can't see how its fair or how to get over it. You might be thinking, sure I accept my child no matter what, it's their disability that I don't accept. In this episode, I talk about the importance of accepting your child exactly how they are and what that could mean for your life, for your child's life. I heard a therapist say these words one time and its become my mantra. "Sure its hard, I know its hard, but you can do it" Come see me at acceptingtheunacceptable.com/006 for the show notes. Thank you so much. enjoy this show Find me on social media and let me know what you think
Sincerely Jody FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.acceptingtheunacceptable.com
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| 23 Dec 2019 | 030 | The Holidays With Your Special Needs Child | 00:34:29 | |
The holiday episode. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, we all have those traditions that we want to hold on to. I want to give you permission to adjust as necessary to fit the needs of your family. Christmas is known to cause anxiety and overwhelm, but when you throw in a new diagnosis, medical issues, or a child that doesn't fit into the regular box, it can be a time of great stress. But it doesn't have to be — I'm sharing about my journey to being ok with changing things up on Christmas. I hope you have an amazing holiday and just know that however it goes, you are not alone. Find me and say hello Email: FB Group FB Page Instagram Website | |||
| 27 Aug 2020 | 062 | How to Get to a Place of Acceptance - with Jody Warshawsky | 00:51:44 | |
Today we are talking about acceptance. It is my biggest dream for every parent that has a child with special needs because what you can do with acceptance can change the world. You cannot be the best, most effective, and most loving parent until you get to this phase. The journey is you discovering what that purpose is. And I believe that your child was put here to transform the world and bring a new consciousness to our planet. But it starts with you. It starts with the mama. And that is what I am here to talk about. Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 21 May 2019 | 022 | Making Peace With Autism - With Megan Carranza | 01:15:18 | |
We never forget our child's first cry, first smile or the first time they start walking. Those are the milestones we dream of when picturing our future children. But we also never forget the first time we look at our child and wonder if we should be concerned with their development. Today I am talking to Megan Carranza from Adventure In Autism Podcast. She shares what it was like to receive an autism diagnosis for her son Logan, how it affected her marriage, what it was like to add 2 more beautiful children into her family after Logan, and how she was able to make peace with autism. Her story is one of those that makes you nod your head and feel like she's taking the words right out of your mouth. I am honored to talk to Megan and so excited for you to join our conversation. Connect with Megan Podcast - Adventures In Autism Podcast Instagram - @adventuresinautismpod Facebook - @adventuresinautismpod E-mail - adventuresinautism2018@yahoo.com
Tell us what you think about this conversation on Instagram where we love to hang out Instagram @jodywarshawsky | |||
| 11 Jun 2019 | 024 | Decisions, How To Know You're Making The Right Ones For Your Child | 00:53:54 | |
One of the scariest parts of parenting a child with special needs is knowing that the direction you are leading your child is the very best one. We fear that we wont meet the needs of our kids because we don't know how to navigate this special needs world. We want to give our children the best we can but its often difficult to know what the best is. We have recently made the decision to pull Remy out of public special education. It was a big choice and one that I never anticipated making, but in this episode, I will let you know how we arrived at that decision and how I know its the right thing to do. I believe we are our kid's parents for a very good reason and we have everything it takes to steer this ship in the direction that can give our kids the life they deserve.
Thank you for stopping by. Come find me and say hello FB Page | https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Email | jody@jodywarshawsky.com | |||
| 16 Jun 2020 | 050 | The First Year of an Autism Diagnosis - with Katie Poirier | 00:59:45 | |
In this episode, I am talking to Katie Poirier who was a former physician’s assistant and is now a stay-at-home mom to two kids under two. She talks about the birth of both of her children, Everett and Isla, Postpartum Depression, and her story about recently getting an autism diagnosis for her first child, Everett. It is an amazing conversation about Katie’s story, her growth, and how she has been able to find strength through shared experiences with other autism moms. Here's how to connect with Katie Website https://www.instagram.com/katie.plus.coffee/?hl=en https://www.facebook.com/katiepluscoffee/ Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 10 Dec 2020 | 065| Suffering Consciously | 00:30:00 | |
Are you suffering right now? I want to talk about this because it's been top of mind as I look out into the world. Civil unrest, racial divide, a pandemic that's costing hundreds of thousands of deaths. Jobs lost, families fearing eviction, schools out, kids home, loved one's dying or being sick, and there's not much we can do about it. I've struggled the last few months and many times have felt lost. Not knowing where I'm going or what I'm doing. In this episode, I am talking about what it is that we can learn from this situation and how we can do what is called Suffering Consciously. Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 26 Feb 2019 | 012 | Autism, How To Get Your Child To Communicate | 00:55:17 | |
I remember when Remy was first diagnosed with autism. The first concern I had was that she wasn't able to communicate. If she couldn't communicate, she would never function in a way that could get her through life. But what I didn't realize is that communication and speaking weren't exactly the same thing. There are plenty of people who can speak but they aren't using words to form thoughts and communicate them to another person. I never knew what a complicated task that was for our brains. In this episode, I talk about how to get your child to communicate. It's not what you think, it's much easier. We are going through a series based on the book ESDM An Early Start For Your Child With Autism. I was lucky enough to have a parent training when Remy was first diagnosed with autism. A training taught with the principals in this book to teach parents how to work with their children. But the amazing part, any one of us can learn because there is a book that teaches us. So today's topic is taught from chapter 5 and its a good one. Go get the book.
I have a huge ask for you. If you like this podcast, would you leave a review on iTunes? It would mean the world to me and give me an idea of what you think of it but it also really helps other people find this show. I have a mission to share everything I have learned with everyone who is going through this type of journey and the more people that find the show, the more opportunity that parents won't feel so alone. https://myurls.co/jodywarshawsky | |||
| 29 May 2019 | 023 | I know It's Hard But You Can Do It | 00:29:24 | |
Do you ever feel like your inadequate? that you don't know if you're cut out for this parenting stuff?
I had a little pity party this week so I totally understand.
In this episode, I talk about how you can keep your head up even though you can't see the road in front of you. | |||
| 02 Jul 2020 | 052 | Autistic Interpretations - with Val Brooks | 01:26:02 | |
I am really excited about today’s episode because I am speaking with Valerie Brooks who is the mother of three kids, and currently a caretaker for her daughter Jess, an adult who is blind and has autism. People like Val and her daughter Jessica help me to see how amazing life can be, even when it is really hard. Val shares all of her struggles with being a young mom, raising her daughter Jessica, how lonely it has been, and how amazing their life is now. I loved hearing their story and I know you will fall in love with them like I have. Here's how to connect with Val https://www.instagram.com/autistic_interpretations/ https://www.facebook.com/autisticinterpretations/ Website https://autisticinterpretations.com/ Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgInOEHjST1FMvfbDOLn3ZA Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||
| 19 Nov 2019 | 025 | Special Education and the Power of Being an Autism Helper - With Sasha Long | 00:58:31 | |
How should you respond when your child is consistently exhibiting negative behaviors, like a meltdown or tantrum? What types of curricular help are out there for parents that want to homeschool their child? What can you do to be an advocate for your child? Ensuring they get the help that they need both inside and outside of the classroom? These questions can be very overwhelming to think about. Today, I am joined by Sasha Long, author of the Autism Helper Podcast and creator of The Autism Helper Curriculum, to provide some clarity for you and give you answers to all these questions! Sasha Long is a former Special Education teacher, and she spent ten years working in a self-contained public-school classroom. She loved doing her job, but she struggled in the beginning because there wasn't a lot of support for Special Education curriculums. Sasha went to school to become a BCBA while she was still teaching, and she learned a lot of helpful principles that she applied and put into action within her classroom. Eventually, she decided to create her own curriculum that would be structured and explicitly geared towards learners with autism. In this episode, we talk about behavioral problems and how to stop reinforcing our children's negative patterns. It can seem easier in the moment to give in to our child's tantrum, but ultimately, we are not creating positive changes in their behavior. We should begin by figuring out what is motivating the disruptiveness and then determine how to starve the negative behavior and replace it with a positive and healthy way for the child to communicate what they want. It is also essential to write down the data behind these behaviors, so we can better understand what keeps triggering our child and the actions that work to help calm them down. It will help you to figure out how long their behavior lasts and what seems to be working or not on your part to discourage it positively. We also discuss how we can better advocate for our children and in doing so, help there to be more inclusiveness when they are in social situations. By speaking about the positive actions and the good things that our children are doing, it creates a positive image in people's minds. People are more inclined to remember negative traits and habits, so by reinforcing the good things about our child, it helps them to remember the positive instead of focusing entirely on what they do wrong. There are four general reasons for negative behavior, called SEAT. This stands for Sensory, Escape, Attention, and Tangible. Each of these motivations can contribute to why your child is expressing disruptive behaviors. We often want to jump in and put an intervention in place immediately when we see negative behavior, but we need to figure out what is going on first because there could be things you are not noticing. Antecedents- what is happening before a behavior, and Consequences- what is happening after?
We also talk about Sasha's curriculum titled The Autism Helper Curriculum. She discusses each of the subjects that she created, which include Math, Language Arts, Science, Social Studies, Functional Literacy, and Reading Comprehension. It is designed for a teacher or parent that wants their children to have flexibility in their style of learning. Whether it is for independent study, an extremely verbal method of teaching, or through visual and gestural prompts.
We, as parents, need to find the courage to stand up for our children and be unafraid to challenge what our child is receiving and to ask questions about everything. We need to have discussions with teachers and other school officials in a way that is both respectful but also conveys our concerns or curiosities about anything that we want to know about. Ultimately, our children can only get everything that they need and deserve through us as parents advocating for them!
Interesting Points
Giving in to your child's tantrum is not creating long term change. Kids learn that they should wine or throw a tantrum to get what they want, and it becomes a vicious cycle that gets harder and harder to get out of. To respond, we must first think about our child developmentally, regardless of their age. Where is their skill set? A lot of kids do not have the coping skills yet to de-escalate on their own. When a meltdown becomes more significant than the original issue, there are a few things that you should do. Make sure the child is safe and won't hurt themselves or others and then give them space. Sometimes something snaps them out of it, or it could be a gradual process. However, if this doesn't happen, you can start to create contingencies for your child. Let them know that if they communicate with you in some way that they are ready, you can speak with them or sit by them. When a child is upset or angry, they won't respond very well to a specific command telling them what to do so you can create a choice board for them to pick from. Ask them if they want to go for a walk? Get a drink of water? Lay in their bed? Be nearby with your physical presence to let them know that you are here for them, even if you are not currently giving them attention.
Plan ahead of time or create a protocol for negative behaviors and write down the data. When our kids are so full of anxiety, fear, and out of control, it can often transfer to the parents. Write down their behaviors and what is different about each time. If something isn't working or getting better, you should think about doing something differently. Data can be a simple as how long a tantrum lasted or what initially caused it. Remember that every experience is a learning opportunity!
How to be your student's publicist. A common problem across many schools and classrooms is the inclusion piece. You are in control of the narrative about your kids! People remember the bad stuff more than the positive things. There might be negative things that people see regarding your child's behavior, and other people, and teachers will remember that. It could be why inclusion isn't working. Talk about the good stuff that your kid can do. It can be easy to focus on the negative behaviors that your child displays, but you should try and play a different narrative in your head so that when you talk about your kid's other people can see how much they can do. Focus on the positive things that your child can accomplish because they are so amazing!
All behaviors are functioning to get something. There are Four General Reasons Someone Shows Bad Behavior | SEAT Sensory, Escape, Attention, and Tangible.
Remember that you need to Starve it and Replace it. If you want to make negative behaviors not work as well, you must remove attention. You want to starve the negative behavior and make it seem like it won't work or not as well, while simultaneously replacing it for a new and positive way of asking for and receiving something.
How do you empower parents to make sure that their school year is suitable for their children? How do you talk to the teachers? Become very involved, and don't allow yourself to be worried about offending someone. You can be involved politely and respectfully! Ask a lot of questions, even if it seems annoying. Be there for your teacher and develop rapport. Make sure that s/he remembers who you are and the interest you have for your child's wellbeing. Don't be afraid of questioning anything you don't understand because no one else is as interested in your child's rights as much as you are!
Resources and links mentioned: Power of Positive Parenting: A Wonderful Way to Raise Children by Glenn Lathum The Autism Helper Podcast: Episode 12 "Negotiating with Terrorists" The Autism Helper Podcast: Episode 13 "Being your Student's Publicist" The Autism Helper Podcast: Episode 19 "Old School Time-out vs. New school Time-away." Sasha Long's Website: theautismhelper.com (Access ABC Data Sheets) https://theautismhelper.com/ wrightslaw.com (to learn what your kid is legally allowed to receive from school) https://www.wrightslaw.com/
Contact Info and Links for Sasha Website: The Autism Helper Blog: The Autism Helper Blog Instagram @theautismhelper Facebook: The Autism Helper Podcast Podcast: The Autism Helper on Stitcher, Spotify, Anchor, and Apple Podcast. Jodys contact info Email: FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website https://www.jodywarshawsky.com
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| 11 Jun 2020 | 049 | How to Find Joy After an Autism Diagnosis - with Andrea Andrade | 00:53:01 | |
In this episode, I am interviewing Andrea Andrade who is the mother of 3 children, ages 22, 18, and 16. Her middle child, Teddy, was diagnosed with autism when he was just 2 years old, so she has almost 17 years of experience of being an autism mom. She talks about receiving an autism diagnosis, motherhood, raising three children, self-care, having an adult child with autism now, and so much good advice for mothers who are at different stages in the autism journey with their children. Here's how to connect with Andrea Website: http://autismandredlipstick.com/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/autismandredlipstick Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/autismandredlipstick/ Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/autismredlipstick/ Here's how to connect with me Email: FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/608571542825070/ FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/acceptingtheunacceptable/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jodywarshawsky/ Website: https://www.jodywarshawsky.com Free "11 Areas to Focus On" Guide asdparenting.com/autism | |||