A Life Less Ordinary with Sophie Elwes (Sophie Elwes)

Head of Wellbeing at leading employee wellbeing platform, Better Space, James Dashwood is a father, a husband, and a recovering alcoholic. 

Sober for seven years he has been on a journey of introspection where he’s learned so much about himself, about addiction and about what it means to be content.

He shares his story about growing up and how he recognises that he used external things to soothe internal pain. James is remarkably candid in reflecting about how he sees himself, his desire to control others, and to connect, for which he recognises he used alcohol to do so.

He talks about AA and the 12 step programme and why it's been transformative for him. We speak about expectations,  how releasing them can improve relationships and about why he believes addiction is a spiritual matter.

James talks about his experience of depression and anxiety and how, often the things that help the most such as talking to others,  seem like the hardest thing to do at the time and he shares some of his tools that help him.

We talk about success and how its traditionally measured, and how we both recognise that contentment, over happiness, is something to strive for.

And we chat about the importance of taking responsibility and of the power of perception, in Shakespeare's words: 'There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.'

We also mention a few books during the episode:

Nothing Special: Living Zen by Charlotte Joko Beck  

Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl

The Choice by Edith Egar

Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat

Find Sophie on Instagram and find out more about BetterSpace here.

Based partly in Carlsbad, CA and in Keauhou, Hawaii, Kalim Smith and I met a few years back at a ski race in New Hampshire, after which we discovered we had a mutual friend/relative and since then we’ve enjoyed some great times in both London and California, with some wonderful conversations.

After becoming paralysed in 2011 he recognised the healing power of plants and now spends much of his time growing gourds to make traditional rhythm instruments in both San Diego and Hawaii. He’s made them for some of Hawaii’s most prominent musicians, teachers and dancers.

Prior to his injury Kalim achieved a great deal, with his fingers in multiple pies. He was studying for a PHD at the time of his injury, while teaching Native American languages and working as a stunt actor on the side, amongst other things. Coming from an interracial family, Kalim also has a strong interest in genealogy.

In this episode we talk about our shared adventurous spirit and how our spinal cord injuries fuelled that side of us, in many ways. We talk about what it's like not to laugh for two years or more and how caring for something else can be nurturing, whether it be a pet or plants.

Kalim talks about the importance of connecting with someone in a similar situation after such an injury and he reflects on how difficult it was for him initially post injury and how he found his way, through recalibrating his self of self and finding things to be grateful for.

Kalim is a keen plant man and shares his enthusiasm for the healing power of plants and whole foods. He  experiences extreme nerve pain and has found that nature has been the greatest healer.  He also shares a recipe for turmeric tea - which has potent anti-inflammatory properties. 

We mention the spinal injuries charity Back Up and their mentoring service.

Gail Muller is an adventurer, educator and author. Growing up in Cornwall, she was sporty and outdoorsy, but at 14 was told she’d need to use a wheelchair by the age of 40 due to muscular-skeletal issues. She has an extraordinary story of her journey of experiencing chronic pain for 15 years, and dedicating much of that time to finding a solution, which she later did, for the most part.

At 41 she embarked on one of the toughest treks in the world - over 2200 miles in the USA - The Appalachian Trial. She wrote a book about it called Unlost which is an uplifting and moving account of her  journey in the wild outdoors,  dealing with extreme elements and facing her fears. 

In this conversation Gail emphasises how she got into hiking later than most, and encourages others, particularly women, to occupy that role of adventurer too. We speak about her  journey with  chronic pain, having learned a great deal about it and put herself through a multitude of experiences including fasting in a Thai jungle for twelve days, Gail  offers up some great advice for listeners who might be dealing with pain. 

On being told by a doctor that he did not know what the problem was, we discuss the importance of being cautiously critically analytical of professional opinion, asking questions, and not taking a doctor’s advice to ‘give up hope.’

Inspired by Bill Bryson, and after losing a friend to suicide, Gail tells me about her decision to embark on this mammoth trip. She  shares with me her greatest fears, including that which came from being raped as a teenager. Having unpicked some of these, Gail has ‘done the work’  which has enabled her to recognise that these fears reside in her head, and finds ways  to learn how to manage them, which she graciously shares.

We talk about the saying ‘hike your own hike’ - a important metaphor to accept that we’re all on our own journeys, and she tells me how she made peace with doing things ‘her way.’

We speak about tactics for resilience, about surrender and what being so exposed to the harshest of nature’s elements, did for her.

*Trigger warning: during this episode there is mention of sexual assault and suicide

Find out more about Gail on her website or her Instagram. And pick up her book, Unlost.

Find out more about Sophie on Instagram.

This week I had the pleasure of interviewing Mark Berry who is my friend and personal trainer. We’ve known each other for years and every time I have a session with him, we end up deep in conversation and he is a real fountain of wisdom and life advice, as well as a great trainer.

Growing up on a council estate in Wandsworth, Mark has always been committed to helping others (alongside his love of sport, mainly football). He started back in the 1990s doing care work in a residential care home. Along the way he’s picked up a lot of knowledge working alongside physiotherapists, he trained as a personal trainer, gym instructor and aerobic instructor and has worked at One Trust for 32 years as a care worker for people with learning disabilities and complex and challenging needs. We know each other from his ‘side hustle’ as a personal trainer in my local gym. His philosophy of training is that it is for everyone. ‘If someone wants to, we’ll find a way’ is what he says of this - he’s all about ‘yes we can, not no we can’t.’

To mix things up, we recorded this from the gym, to give listeners a flavour of our relationship and the sort of conversations we have (in between rounds of boxing) - the sound quality is a little compromised but hopefully you can still enjoy Mark’s wise words. 

In this episode we talk about the importance of taking time out, remaining calm and being patient. Mark opens up about his realisations of his self-worth and how he uses this learning to support and lift up others. We talk about training, how it’s good to challenge yourself, and about the limitations put on us particularly in childhood by our upbringing, schooling, medical diagnoses, and we discuss how important it is to question and challenge these. 

As you can hear from the episode, people come in and out and its a true reflection of Mark’s character and how friendly he is. 

I know, for me, my sessions with him provide me with mental health support as much as physical, and we talk about this, particularly for men, and how the gym can provide a safe space for men to talk and get things off their chests, under non-intimidating circumstances.

You can follow Mark or Sophie on Instagram.

Grace Spence Green is a junior doctor and a wheelchair user. Growing up, she had her heart set on becoming a doctor from the age of eight and was a keen competitive climber. In an extraordinary incident in 2018, while she studying at medical school, a man jumped from a height and fell on her, causing her to break her back and sustain a spinal cord injury, becoming a wheelchair user. Choosing not to dwell on the incident, or indeed the man (who has since served time for GBH), Grace returned to medical school and has since started working as a junior doctor in London. 

Grace and I speak about the incident and her feelings around it, the man, and she tells me why she isn’t angry about the situation. She shares how others, and the tabloids, reacted to what happened and her feelings around that.

We speak about Grace’s experience of being a patient at the rehab centre and about her frustrations about that time and the spinal rehab set up. She tells me about how it was for her, returning to the community, and then back to medical school and Grace opens up about her own internalised ableism she realised she had initially and prior to her injury.

It is the boundaries she’s set and her own confidence, she tells me, that has enabled her to establish herself and her stance as a medic who uses a wheelchair. We talk about ‘taking space’ and Grace shares some fantastic insights about this, as well as how she has acquired ‘radical acceptance’ about her situation - choosing to use her situation to enable her to ‘step into her power’ rather than being a victim of circumstance.

Grace shares some fantastic advice for people who have acquired a disability, as well as some words of wisdom for people who might be struggling with something in their lives.

Grace has recently become a Trustee at spinal injuries charity, Back Up and is most active on Twitter.

You can reach out to Sophie on Instagram.

Alexandra Adams was the first guest on this podcast, and the inspiration behind starting A Life Less Ordinary. She's  also a medical student who is deaf-blind. In 2020 she went into hospital with symptoms of an undiagnosed chronic illness and was there for 17 months during which time she massively deteriorated and experienced some shocking mistreatment at the hands of medical staff and some hugely traumatic experiences, including having covid in hospital in the midst of the pandemic. Alexandra shares these experiences as well as that of finding her community online of others with chronic illnesses.

She tells me of how earlier this year she managed to find a renewed sense of purpose and was able to get back on her medicine degree, as well as a job as a phlebotomist. Sharing her story more recently on Tiktok she blew it up with her myth-busting videos about being a deaf-blind medical student. Alexandra talks openly in this interview about her mental health struggles and she shares some wonderful advice on how to cope with setbacks.

TW: In this episode Alexandra tells me about some shocking stories of mistreatment and lack of care whilst in hospital. It is acknowledged that staff were under immense pressure and there was a huge lack of resources and staffing during this period. Fingers are not being pointed. Alexandra is merely sharing her experiences and her learning from this challenging time. 

Find Alexandra at @alexandraelaineadams and Sophie at @sophieelwes.

Rosie Wilby is an award-winning comedian, author and podcaster who has appeared a number of times on BBC Radio 4 programmes including Woman's Hour, Saturday Live and Four Thought. Her first book Is Monogamy Dead? was longlisted for the Polari First Book Prize and followed a trilogy of solo shows investigating the psychology of love and relationships. Her new book The Breakup Monologues is based on her acclaimed podcast of the same name and it explores the science of heartbreak and the unexpected joy that can come from breakups.

In this conversation Rosie talks about growing up and coming out as gay in the 1980s and how she found her crowd in the queer community after moving to London. She tells me about her experience of being in a 'secret' relationship for five years with a woman who hadn't come out to her parents and we talk about the internalized homophobia experienced by many and Rosie shares how she's learned to empower and enable others to 'own' and feel more at ease with their sexuality.

Rosie includes a chapter in her book on friendship breakups and we talk about how they are rarely acknowledged in the same way as romantic relationships, and there's no 'script' for them, despite the pain they can cause.

We talk about post-traumatic growth after a painful breakup and how they can eventually lead to healing personal growth, leaving us better equipped to make informed choices in future. Rosie shares her greatest learnings from her breakups and we discuss the merits of singledom.

Rosie's first book, Is Monogamy Dead? explores the need to reinvestigate monogamy for modern times and she shares some inspired insights into how we can reimagine monogamy and make relationships work for us, without piling the pressure and expectation onto one person to provide everything we need.

Rosie is on Twitter @rosiewilby and Instagram @breakupmonologues and you can check her book out here.

Find Sophie on Instagram here.

Working in the NHS for 27 years, Dr Clair Pollard is a Clinical Psychologist and Acting Director for a large psychology mental health trust in South London and a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. She also sustained a spinal cord injury during her training at the age of 25 which left her paraplegic and a wheelchair user. Undeterred by this, it was her determination and focus on her training that enabled her to come to terms with her acquired disability. She talks about the 'mental health tsunami' we are facing in the UK at the moment,  particularly for young people but adds that the fact that people are talking about it more now is a huge advancement. She shares some great advice about how we can help both ourselves and others.

She talks about the advantages and challenges of having a spinal cord injury in her role and her strategies of how she manages in the workplace by being assertive and not being apologetic, and how she feels she's a better psychologist because of what she's been through.

Find Sophie on Instagram @sophieelwes.

This was such a special conversation with Carlos Cervantes who talks about his experiences in his late teens and early 20s of suffering from severe depression, 'overdoing it' on drink and drugs, dropping out of university having had a mental breakdown, feeling suicidal and receiving a diagnosis of Bipolar Type One Disorder. He came across a teacher of meditation and started on his journey of practicing Transcendental Meditation. He now teaches it and shares with me the profound effect it's had on every part of his life. After practicing it for a period of time he found himself symptom-free from Bipolar Disorder and has been ever since.

Find out more about Transcendental Mediation here: uk.tm.org

Thanks to our sponsors By Sarah London. Get 20% off at bysarahlondon.com  with the code LIFE20 and find them on Instagram here.

Melanie Woods is a former PE teacher and GB Paralympic athlete who sustained a spinal cord injury after being hit by a car whilst riding her bike. She tells me about her experience of rehabilitation, learning how to become independent and managing to  walk with crutches whilst in rehab. She shares how she found ways to cope with her new situation and her journey into wheelchair racing. She talks about going skiing in Colorado with the charity, Back Up a year after breaking her back and how it was so eye-opening for her. She talks about embracing failure and remembering where she started from, and what it was like to compete on the world stage in Tokyo.

Find Melanie on Instagram here and on her website here.

Thanks to our sponsors By Sarah London. Get 20% off at bysarahlondon.com  with the code LIFE20 and find them on Instagram here.

Adam is the founder of Togetherness which is a social enterprise whose purpose is to make meaningful connection more accessible in our culture.

Having been a people pleaser and studied it in depth, Adam has a great understanding of his own behaviour patterns and we unpick what it means and why awareness is key to working through feeling the need to please others and putting their needs before one's own.

We chat about intimacy and vulnerability and how we can show up more authentically in our lives and in our relationships and he shares how the Wheel of Consent can help us discover new ways of relating with other people.

We discuss personal sovereignty, 'touch hunger', silent dating and Adam shares a great story about being playful with absolute strangers on the Tube.

Thanks to our sponsors By Sarah London. Get 20% off at bysarahlondon.com with the code LIFE20 and find them on Instagram here.

Whilst in her last year of law school, in her early twenties, Lauren Murrell was diagnosed with an aggressive form of blood cancer (myeloid leukaemia) with only 20% chance of survival.  Whilst she was in hospital her sister Sarah developed some natural skincare formulations to restore and repair her sister's sensitive fragile skin.

After a life-saving stem cell transplant from Sarah, the sisters decided to bring Sarah’s original formulas to life with the launch of By Sarah; a range of natural, effective and B Corp certified skincare designed for people that are struggling with stressed and sensitive skin, and the sponsors of this series of the podcast.

Lauren tells her story, sharing her coping mechanisms whilst in hospital - from curating her environment to journalling to help her process what she was going through and even manifesting future events which would end up coming true.

She shares a wealth of wisdom and learning; mantras that have provided her with tools both in her recovery and also as an entrepreneur, and we talk about the complications around manifestation, but how it can also be a valuable process for achieving goals.

Thanks to our sponsors By Sarah London. Get 20% off at bysarahlondon.com with the code LIFE20 and find them on Instagram here.

Raquel Siganporia is the Director of Business Development and Senior Solicitor at Aspire Law and she sustained a spinal cord injury following surgery to correct the curvature of her spine, or scoliosis,  which went wrong when she was aged 11.

She tells me about the immediate aftermath of such a life-changing event and about what it was like starting secondary school in the '90s as a person with a disability. She shares how she learned to use her disability as an advantage which served her well into adulthood.

We talk about working with a disability, the challenges faced, but also the advantages that can accompany it; and Raquel shares the approach she takes when explaining what her needs in the workplace might be in order to manage expectations and ensure that she has what she needs in order to carry out her role to the best of her ability.

Raquel is a real master at asserting herself and shares her tips and tricks to manage tricky situations and people, as well as to get what she wants from a situation.

We speak about sex and dating with a disability and Raquel talks about what she wishes people knew. She also shares her advice on navigating dating apps and 'tuning your radar' when dating.

Follow Raquel on Instagram here.

Huge thanks to the sponsors of this series By Sarah London. Get 20% off at bysarahlondon.com with the code LIFE20 and find them on Instagram here.

Sophie Dear is a yoga teacher and self-worth coach who struggled with insomnia and undiagnosed anxiety since the age of 15. 

She appeared to have a thriving career in the TV industry but it wasn't until reaching a point of burnout that she had a conversation with a doctor who encouraged her to question her self-critic by interacting with her 'inner child' that led her on a path of healing and learning which would eventually lead to her helping countless others with their own self-worth.
 
Now living in Bali, Sophie tells her story of how she got to this point.  She shares her learnings about identifying what low self-worth looks like, we speak about people pleasing and why boundaries are so important and she shares some of the invaluable tools she coaches her clients with.

We talk about our collective need for external validation, she shares her advice for successfully navigating social media and she explains why having cheerleaders is everything.

You can find out more about Sophie from her website here where you can learn about her Bali retreats, group coaching and workshops. You can also follow her on Instagram here. 

Jambo Truong is a practitioner of integrative medicine with a specialism in complimentary medicine and therapies who has impressive credentials and a vast knowledge and repertoire of different practices.

Growing up in South Wales and feeling like an outsider as being from an ethnic minority, as well as being queer, he faced a lot of bullying and had to learn to defend himself. Witnessing his sister passing away from an asthma attack at a young age set him on a path to wanting to help others, as well as introducing him to meditation.

As a student he volunteered at a drug and alcohol centre which we talk about in some depth and he shares a strong commonality found amongst service users, ways to help people 'find their spark', and an intimate understanding of the root of substance abuse issues.

Jambo is a bodyworker and talks about the diagnostic tools he uses from looking at the positives in a person and what he can tell from a person's face alone.

He has some incredible advice around what we can all do to help ourselves and a profound philosophy about trauma.

Follow Jambo on Instagram here and learn more about him via his website here.

For this epsiode Sophie is interviewed by her good friend Sarah Orr (who appeared in series two of A Life Less Ordinary with Sophie Elwes). Sophie tells her story from when she sustained her spinal cord injury back in 2011 after falling from a roof terrace. They discuss the aftermath, from spending nearly six weeks in an induced coma with 40% chance of survival, to going to Stoke Mandeville spinal injuries unit to be rehabiltated and learn how to live independently again. 

Sophie talks about the challenges found in the outside world after leaving hospital and about the life-changing experience she had on a Back Up ski course in Colorado a year post-injury. She shares how she got into ski racing and the challenges and learnings that came with that.

As the host and producer of this podcast Sophie shares her highlights and her favourite pieces of advice from across the series, finishing off with a piece of advice of her own.

 

Hosted by Sophie Elwes, who knows a thing or two about overcoming difficulties, after sustaining a spinal cord injury in 2011. Each episode Sophie will interview an extraordinary guest who has faced and overcome enormous challenges and adversity and is achieving incredible things in spite of what they've had to deal with. She'll be finding out their story, about their greatest struggles and triumphs, and asking them what advice they would share with other people dealing with challenges of their own.

Sophie talks to the multi-talented Alexandra Adams. Alexandra is an athlete, a photographer, a cook, an artist, a writer, poet, TED talk speaker and medical student. She’s also deafblind and suffers from a Mitochondrial condition. Sophie and Alexandra first met on a training camp in Austria with British Parasnowsport in 2016 and that was the start of a friendship which led to many interesting conversations about their experiences of living with a disability and their shared commitment to breaking barriers and changing people’s perceptions about disability. Sophie asks Alexandra about growing up deafblind, how she persevered and succeeded to get into medical school despite adverse circumstances, and her project, Faces of the NHS where she is showcasing diversity within the NHS through her photography. Sophie finds out how Alexandra is not only changing, but smashing, the conception about what disability means.

Sophie talks to Ben West who is an award-winning mental health campaigner who lost his brother Sam to suicide in 2018. Realising there was no formal training for teachers about mental health, Ben created a petition for teachers to receive mandatory Mental Health First Aid training. Sophie and Ben discuss the stigma around the ‘S’ word, how people opened up to him after his brother’s death and he recognised the need to create a community where people can talk openly about mental health which led him to start WalktoTalk and the #SaveOurStudents campaign. Ben talks about meeting the Prime Minister, the next steps in his campaign and finally the strategies he’s learned to him himself manage his own mental health after his brother took his own life.

Sophie has a conversation with cross-bench peer and eight time gold winning Paralympic medallist, Baroness Tanni Grey-Thompson DBE DL. Tanni sits in the House of Lords where she advocates for disability rights, welfare and disability sport. She first went to the Paralympic Games in 1988 and to four more Games after that, winning 11 Paralympic medals, eight gold medals, breaking three world records in wheelchair racing and, on top of that, won the London Marathon six times. Tanni talks about growing up in the 1970s in Wales with Spina Bifida, how her parents refused to allow her to be discriminated against, her experiences competing at five Paralympic Games. They discuss transport for disabled people in the UK, the discrimination they’ve both faced and how things have changed as a person with a disability over the course of Tanni’s life. We discuss impact of Coronavirus for people with a disability, how lack of access combined with wheelchair skills can be empowering and Tanni shares her words of wisdom about how she’s reached her level of success.

Sophie speaks to Netflix’s Sex Education star George Robinson about his rugby accident in 2015 when he broke his neck and finds out about his journey to appearing in one of Netflix’s biggest hits of 2020. They chat about Tiger King, self-image, representation of disability in the media and the audition process. George gives his words of wisdom about how important it is to learn about yourself and how he’s managed to rise to such heights despite experiencing such trauma. 

The talented Ashley Belal Chin rose to fame in 1999 BBC film Storm Damage and has enjoyed success as an actor, screen-writer, rapper and spoken word poet. Having thought happiness was found in success and material possessions he realised, after converting to Islam in 2002, where it was really to be found. We speak about his upbringing on a council estate in London where he spent his youth mixed up in gang culture, how he won his first acting role and how he found peace in his faith. Ashley shares some profound thoughts about inner peace, and how many of us are looking for happiness in the wrong places. 

Following the tragic homicide of George Floyd along with many others due to racism this felt particularly pertinent to release this week. I believe we need to be actively anti-racist and educate ourselves about the systemic racism that exists within our country. There are many resources out there - I can recommend Reni Eddo-Lodge's book 'Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race' as a great place to start. 

Alana Nichols is a five-time Paralympian and six-time medalist who has competed in three different sports - wheelchair basketball, alpine skiing and para-canoeing. She is the first US female Paralympian to win gold medals in both summer and winter games. Coming from a para-ski racing background, Alana is one of Sophie’s biggest role-models and a total inspiration for her. She is president of the Women’s Sports Association which advocates for equality for women in sport. Having finished Paralympic sport Alana has found the stoke in adaptive surfing, again, with incredible success. Sophie and Alana talk about being a multi-sport athlete, coping with the death of her brother, motherhood and how surfing, for her, is a form of meditation. 

Paula Akpan is a freelance journalist and co-founder of Black Girl Festival. She is also co-founder of The ‘I’m Tired’ Project – a campaign which aims to highlight the significance of micro-aggressions and stereotypes faced by people in everyday life. Paula writes about a range of subjects with a particular interest in blackness and queerness. She shares her thoughts on the apparent ‘discovery of racism’ by white people on social media in relation to recent events, we talk about what we are both ‘tired of’ and Paula tells Sophie how it felt to be dressed by her mum for Cosmopolitan magazine.

Sophie Morgan is a TV presenter, award-winning disability advocate, artist and entrepreneur who became paralysed at the age of 18 in a car accident. Since then Sophie has carved out an impressive career as a TV presenter covering a range of topics, as well as presenting Channel 4's coverage of the Paralympic Games for both London and Rio. Sophie is passionate about creating change for people with disabilities and campaigns to enable this; she supports multiple charities, is an ambassador for various companies, amongst many other things. Sophie talks about the importance of mentorship and role models, overcoming her disability in the public eye and her love of travel and adventure. They share their grievances about the need to be gracious when people come across patronising and discuss the juxtaposition of being disabled - being 'inspirational' whilst being vulnerable. 

A former drug dealer, crack addict and young offender, Brett Moran's life changed when he stumbled across a book on meditation whilst on a drug deal in a prison library. He has since become a published author, life coach and yoga and meditation instructor and his daily meditations on his Instagram account have helped countless people deal with life’s challenges. Sophie and Brett discuss their shared experiences of adversity and how they recognise it to be a blessing instead of a curse. They discuss the ‘victim complex,’ coping with depression and anxiety by ‘getting comfortable in your discomfort’ and Brett shares some valuable lessons about taking control of your ‘monkey mind.’

Two-time world champion and gold medal-winning Paralympian David Smith MBE was born with a club foot and has had a rare tumour in his neck which left him fighting for his life after several major surgeries and having to learn how to walk again four times. We speak about how learning and competing in karate as a youngster taught him a set of values which would lead him to competing at multiple sports for Great Britain as both an able-bodied and para-athlete. His experiences have taught him his true values and he has been able to build extraordinary amounts of resilience that have enabled him to, literally, pick himself up each time he faces another life-threatening surgery. Competing as an able-bodied and para-athlete he has experienced stigma and he shares some fantastic advice about dealing with his ‘chimp’ – courtesy of his friendship with author of The Chimp Paradox, Dr Steve Peters. We speak about how enormous challenge can bring about resilience and a strong mindset, how the power of sport can build good human beings and he shares some brilliant advice about how to build resilience

Actor, writer and TV presenter Charley Boorman has travelled all over the world by motorbike, often alongside best friend Ewan McGregor. He has had two huge motorbike accidents which left him with serious injuries which have left long term damage but he refuses to be defined by his injuries. In the Apple TV+ show Long Way Up they travel up from Ushuaia in Argentina through South and Central America to Los Angeles on electric motorcycles – a feat which hasn’t been done before and definitely proved to be more of a challenge than they expected. We talk about the unpredictability of travel, how him and Ewan are like a 'married couple' and how he views his dyslexia as a gift, rather than impediment. We both have a love of adrenaline and share the sentiment that it doesn’t go away, no matter how badly you get hurt. We talk ‘hanxiety’ and the 3am ‘collywobbles’ and Charley shares his frustrations from his time using a wheelchair as well as giving some great advice about coping with challenges. 

Siena Castellon is an 18-year-old advocate, author, mentor and Young Leader for the UN Sustainable Development Goals. She is autistic, has dyslexia, dyspraxia and ADHD. After being eventually diagnosed with autism she wrote The Spectrum Girl's Survival Guide: How to Grow Up Awesome and Autistic, which is a fantastic guide for neurodiverse girls navigating a neurotypical world.

We discuss the stigma around autism in girls; how, because she was undiagnosed and consequently misunderstood by teachers and pupils alike, she was ruthlessly bullied throughout her school life and was failed by a mainstream education system that did not appreciate her learning differences. Getting a diagnosis of autism meant she wanted to support other neurodiverse girls which led her to setting up a mentoring website and writing her book.

She talks about autism as a superpower, about challenging stereotypes and we speak about how we need to support and enable those with autism to thrive in a world that is set up for people who are neurotypical. She talks about Neurodiversity Celebration Week, her conception, which has been adopted by an increasing number of schools in the UK.

 Siena is an absolute trailblazer, who is having a huge impact through her work. Her views about how we view neurodiversity are important and her advice will be useful for many people.

Karen Darke tells me about being injured aged 21 in a mountain climbing accident and how she overcame her fear of heights following this accident to eventually climb El Capitan, as a paraplegic using just her arms. She shares with me her story from first riding a handcycle to becoming a Paralympic champion in Rio in 2016, helped, along with a lot of training, motivation and hard work, by an understanding of how to train her brain and reframe negative thoughts in order to manifest a positive outcome. 

She tells me about her trip when she cross-country skied across the Greenland ice cap where the challenge lay not only in the physical exertion for a month, but in managing her disability under such extreme conditions. She credits being part of a team with a common objective as a huge part of what makes each adventure particularly special.

Karen has done a lot of work in personal development and brain training and shared some fascinating insights about how to combat negative self-talk and achieve goals. She works as a transformational coach and, alongside training for the next paralympic games, is passionate about helping others remove blocks to success and reaching their potential through helping them train their brains. 

Recorded live at the Back Up In the Cloud festival.

karendarke.com
backuptrust.org.uk
accessadventures.co.uk
@sophieelwes

Megan Hine is a survival consultant, producer, adventurer and television presenter. She is also the author of Mind of a Survivor.

During her career she has survived a snakebite, Lyme disease, being shot at and hunted by a lion, amongst many other things.

An Ambassador for Scouting UK, Megan is passionate about enabling children and young people to experience the wealth of benefits that being in the outdoors and in the wilderness can bring.

We talk about how we are not equipped with the skills to cope with the stresses of modern day life, she shares some valuable thoughts about finding our inner resilience as well as some great advice about having a healthy relationship with social media.

Often being the only woman in a role that is typically held by men, Megan is on a mission to diversify representation in the industry.

We discuss the power of routine, and how its actually saved her life in the past and how creativity can be the key to survival.

Working with a wide range of people from A-list celebrities, to local tribespeople, she is extremely versatile. It was fascinating about hearing her experience meeting uncontacted tribes and how these experiences have taught her a great deal about communication and working with others.

@megan_hine
@sophieelwes

For more information about Lyme disease see globallymealliance.org.

Millie Gooch is the founder of Sober Girl Society, an online community which destigmatises sobriety, and brings women together who want to connect and have fun, without the booze. Millie quit drinking  in 2018 after experiencing one too many blackouts and the terrible accompanying ‘hanxiety’, leading her to  read Catherine Gray’s The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, which kick-started her sober journey. We both talk about our relationship with alcohol, the scary situations its landed us in, and the contradiction of how many of us are so mindful about our health, yet ignore the fact that alcohol is a toxic substance.

She opens up about how things were in the early days of sobriety, sober clubbing, and that smug feeling of feeling great when everyone else is worse for wear.

We discuss how we both have used alcohol as ‘dutch courage’ and she shares about how quitting forced her to step into her anxiety and sit with her discomfort.

Millie talks about her book, which I found was an absolute breath of fresh air, and provided a really positive stance on why getting sober or becoming ‘sober curious’ has myriad benefits and is an option definitely worth exploring. 

We speak about the narrative we’ve all been given around alcohol, thanks to its gigantic marketing budget to persuade us that drinking is the right option, the memes about gin o’clock, to the automatic assumption that any sort of celebration requires cracking open the bubbly.  

Millie tells me about how, for her, sober dating has been such a positive experience and also about the events they run at the Sober Girl Society from dance classes to boozeless brunches. 

sobergirlsociety.com/
@sobergirlsociety
@sophieelwes

Jonny Benjamin MBE is an awarding winning mental health campaigner, writer, film producer, public speaker and vlogger. At the age of 20 he was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, which is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar. Having been affected by mental illness from a young age, Jonny is passionate about improving mental health for young people, and has started up a charity Beyond. The charity held the first-ever mental health and wellbeing festival for primary and secondary schools during Children’s Mental Health Week in February this year.

Jonny tells me his story about how mental illness has affected him from a young age and about the devastation he felt at getting a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder due to the stigma surrounding it. He tells me about his intention to take his own life and about the life-changing meeting he had with the stranger on the bridge and about how his words of positivitiy and optimism changed Jonny’s mind, which led him on, some years later, to create a campaign to find this stranger called ‘Find Mike’ with the charity Rethink Mental Illness which went viral and was shared by millions all over the world.

We speak about the pressure on teachers to take responsibility for children and young people’s mental health and how more action needs to be taken to support this. 

We discuss compassion focused therapy and self-love – an area we are both passionate about. And Jonny emphasises the importance of active listening – something that many of us don’t do properly, but can be hugely helpful for people.

There is still a damaging stigma around mental illness and Jonny is having an amazing impact in dismantling this. For many people right now, poor mental health is absolutely rife and so I was so pleased to have this conversation with Jonny, to hopefully shine some positivity and hope for those struggling, that there are ways to get better. Jonny also gives some great advice for those wanting to help others.

jonnybenjamin.co.uk

educationsupport.org.uk

mentalhealthmates.co.uk

The book Jonny recommended by Dr Kristin Neff self-compassion.org

@mrjonnybenjamin

@sophieelwes

Marsha de Cordova is the Labour MP for Battersea since 2017 and is currently the Shadow Secretary of State for Women and Equalities. 

She was born with nystagmus and is registered blind. We speak about her upbringing, with five siblings, where her mum fought for her to remain in mainstream education, she says if she hadn't, she wouldn't be where she is today. 

Marsha entered politics because she's passionate about fair and equal rights and wanted to be a 'voice for the voiceless' - particularly campaigning for disability rights. 

We speak about how Covid has unfairly impacted certain sectors of society and about how it has exposed existing inequalities in society. Marsha explains how it has had a greater impact on people with disabilities, with regards to both support but also in terms of deaths from the virus - six in 10 deaths was a person with a disability or underlying health condition. 

We discuss the disability employment gap, social care and access and inclusion and how far we have to go before we can claim to be inclusive as a society.

Marsha is emphatic about encouraging other people with disabilities to 'make their voices heard.' She's also been involved in campaigning to make entering politics more accessible for disabled people.  

Marsha gives some great advice about how to become fearless and to stay true to your purpose.

@sophieelwes

After breaking her neck at the age of 16 in a car crash whilst on holiday in the Highlands, Sarah’s life took a course that was far from ordinary.  

We speak about her rehab in the spinal unit, where, thanks to some ‘tough love’ from her physio she learned to become completely independent, despite being tetraplegic. She tells me about the early days of adjustment following her injury, how difficult it was going back to school as a wheelchair user, especially having been recently selected to play hockey for Scotland prior to her injury. We speak about the challenges she faced early on and about the support she found most helpful, which came in the form of meeting others who’d gone through something similar. 

She has travelled extensively, including backpacking across Australia and New Zealand for seven months, and has spent time in various developing countries working with disability organisations, to educate and inform about living with spinal cord injury, where people’s experience of living with paralysis is vastly different from in the UK.

Her spinal cord injury transferred her attention from environmental matters to human rights, which led her to do a master's degree in human rights and she has spent time working with refugees.

We speak about the challenges we face as wheelchair users, and Sarah shares the things that frustrate her in daily life. She’s a great friend of mine and is my go-to for advice about all things, not just SCI-related. She has some wise words of advice at the end which are relevant for all.

Mo Gawdat is the former Chief Business Officer at Google X (aka the Moonshoot Factory) and before that had a successful career as a stock-trader and tech executive in Dubai. Despite having professional, personal and material success he was miserable, and no amount of new Rolls Royces could make him happy in a sustained way. He decided to use his engineer's mind and research skills to come up with equation to engineer and maintain happiness. He wrote a book about it called Solve for Happy which became an international bestseller.

In 2014 this equation was put to the ultimate test when his beloved son, Ali, died aged 21 due to medical negligence in a routine appendix removal operation. Mo shares with me how he coped with the aftermath of the wonderful Ali's death and what he has learned on his journey to understanding how to live  well and with joy in this 'game called life.'

We talk about the tests that life gives us, and how to avoid getting 'tested.' He gives some interesting insights into the extent to which we have choices in life. He tells me about the negativity bias that exists in our brains and how he talks to his brain to control and reframe his thoughts, in a way that serves him.

More information about Mo's quest to make one billion people happy can be found here.

Solve for Happy: Engineer your path to joy by Mo Gawdat is available here.

Find Sophie Elwes on Instagram.

Gregory David Roberts is the author of best selling novel, Shantaram and sequel, Mountain Shadow. Selling over 6 million copies, it is partly based on Gregory's own life experience of escaping prison in Australia and being on the run, during which time he lived in a slum in India. After ten years as a fugitive, Gregory was re-captured in Germany and spent time in both solitary confinement and maximum security before being released over seven years later. After five years on parole, Gregory finished writing Shantaram, got it published and sold the movie rights.

After withdrawing from society around seven years ago, and going 'off  grid,' Gregory committed himself to exploring and researching spirituality in a 'leap of faith'. This  resulted in him writing a book called The Spiritual Path; a personal account of his journey looking at science, belief, faith and devotion. 

Gregory tells me his story about escaping from prison and being on the run for ten years. He reflects on how his time in prison and how solitary confinement was transformative for him. He talks about what it's like to be a fugitive, when the need to 'fit in' and go undetected is paramount and he shares his experience of living in an Indian slum. We talk about faith and how having purpose has the potential to ease the most dire of circumstances.

We talk about self and ego, as well as the importance of devotion, and Gregory gives some sage advice for the spirituality curious (despite his protestations that he is ineligible to provide advice on such matters). 

Excitingly, Gregory shares some intel about the upcoming Apple + series of Shantaram starring Charlie Hunnam (if you've read the book you'll no doubt be as excited as I am). And finally,  he gives some great words of wisdom which are certainly evidence of a life less ordinary.

Pick up a copy of Shantaram here and The Spiritual Path here.

Find Sophie Elwes on Instagram.

Cathy Reay is a writer, editor, disability consultant and influencer. She is also a single mother of two and her Instagram account provides a great insight into life as a mum with dwarfism, disability justice, sex and dating, as well as some great skincare tips.

Cathy tells me about what it was like for her growing up in north Norfolk and how moving to London helped her find out who she was. We talk about celebrating our weirdness. 

She talks about her experiences of becoming a mother, about medical ableism and how she did not feel welcome in motherhood spaces. Cathy shares her journey around learning to empower her kids to navigate their own journeys, and not constantly trying to protect them, by emphasising the importance of boundaries and consent and staying silent when she needs to - advice that will be relevant for many parents and caregivers. 

We share our experiences of ableism and air our frustrations around unwanted help and Cathy shines a light on her understanding of the reasons for this.

Not wanting to be defined by her disability, we spoke about how people with disability are often automatically given the role of activist or spokesperson, and Cathy maintains that she is not here to educate people. I observe my own internalised ableism when looking to Cathy for answers about ableism.

We chatted about dating as a queer polyamorous woman and Cathy provides some advice for navigating dating apps with a disability. We discuss self-love and self-acceptance, and we unpick the internalised pressure about the way women are often programmed to behave around men, which can be heightened by disability. Finally Cathy shares how she’s found her community and has been able to connect with others who share similar identity markers.

You can find Cathy on Instagram here.

And find Sophie here.

Andrew Cotton is a big wave surfer and Red Bull athlete. Growing up in North Devon, he started at 7 and it became his life. He left school and worked in a local surfboard factory until the age of 25 to fund his surf trips. At this point he figured it wasn’t going to sustain him financially so he re-trained as a plumber but this made it clear to him that his real passion lay in big wave surfing. So, with a friend he set about creating online content which, combined with his talent, led him to picking up some sponsors which enabled him to follow his dreams.

He spends much of his time in Nazare in Portugal which is home to the biggest surf able waves in the world. It was there in November 2017 that he broke his back surfing a 75ft wave in a huge wipeout. Thankfully he made a full recovery and a year later her was back surfing those mammoth waves.

Cotty and I met at a Wings for Life event, which is the Red Bull charity who’s goal is to find a cure for spinal cord injury where he ran a breathwork session. It was here I experienced first hand the effects that the breath can have on your mind and your physiology - truly feeling ‘high on my own supply.’

We speak about how he gets into a flow state and about the power of the breath in pushing through the limits we set ourselves. We talk about fear and how he overcomes its and doesn’t let his mind ‘get in the way’ when tackling the biggest waves ever surfed.

His advice felt totally applicable to life in general, from treating the journey like a marathon not a sprint, embracing failure and surrounding yourself with great people that inspire you and help you move forwards. 

You can find Andrew on Instagram here and Sophie here.

Find out more about Wings for Life here and join their fantastic World Run in May 2022.